Black Sabbath

[Enimee]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=116627

check my fuckin method, even though its mad
it will take your bloody sunday and turn that shit black
face facts, rip raps, on the daily when i spit it
take that, lace crack, in the blunt before i lit it
yeaahh, thug mentality dog im stuck in it
no shit i got the drip, drip dick bitch come fuck wit it
grimier then that, my toungues been itchin
to scratch the snatch of some of these dumb young women
some dont get it, and some get livid
tryna wrap they heads around it but either way you fitt-ed
im still gettin paid triple digits
in the new era, for hoppin on the mic and just bull shittin
holy damn god shit, what just happened?
hes transformin reality and he's only rappin
breakin down divine fractions, teachin merlin how to design magic
behind that is, a wide magnet attractin action
from broken cabinets leaders dont really know how to inform how bad it gets
i been torn and actin tense just to show the world im passionate
but thats in-tense, not past but still considered moments
im rash at times but stil when its approachin till i no longer feel for this emotion
till the buildins in the ocean and your children get to notice
ima continue flowin to build this into hope its filterin the quotients
silkier then lotion, on point and sharp till the millions are focused

[Fa-Q]

Really like it, enimee, good flow and vocab....only thing I would say is the structure....the lines slowly got bigger and longer. Try and keep them all about the same length even if it means adding a rhyme and cutting a line in half. Keep at it homie

[Enimee]

word thats always been an issue for me i think, its just hard to translate whats in my head to textcause in my head theres no structure, but chea good looks ima def keep workin on it

[ArsheyHaq]

This was a good read. Kinda lagged in some parts, but it definitely picked up where you had some nice, long mutlis. The last parts, especially, were my favorite for that very reason:

"but thats in-tense, not past but still considered moments
im rash at times but stil when its approachin till i no longer feel for this emotion
till the buildins in the ocean and your children get to notice
ima continue flowin to build this into hope its filterin the quotients
silkier then lotion, on point and sharp till the millions are focused"

You've got skill, no doubt. You're pretty descriptive and vivid, which is a plus but some lines, where it's obvious filler, bring the rap down a bit. Still, good work. I'll be lookin' for more from you

[Enimee]

i appreciate the feed im def gonna take your advice in to consideration

[Block]

Even reading this I can feel a gritty NY vibe in. the flow.. Haha, I loveeeee that. Shit's dope. Nothing was spectacular and stood out on its own, but overall I like the east coast "fuck you" vibe. Reminding me of old school jada or Nems.

[Enimee]

lol yah man thats my roots i guess the first rapper i started listnenin to as a kid was nas, and then from there i just kept gettin deeper into the east coast scene cause i love it too preciate the feed man