I Heard 'Em Say

[ArsheyHaq]

This is intended to be for audio.


A thirteen year old virgin who looks mature for her age/
her curfew is late and it's her birthday, so I purchased a cake,/
a burger, and shake; it's workin' like bait/
cuz that's all it took for her to be lured to my place/
you think our youth would've learned from mistakes/
but now she's wrapped in surgical tape/
I've blocked all emergency 'scapes and shut the curtains and drapes/
blood curdling screams as she's MURDERED AND RAPED/
..in that order haa I deserve to be burned at the stake/
buried her in the garden and threw dirt on her grave/
just got away with murd---shit, it just occured to me, wait/
is this thing recording? Great, they heard it on tape!/


Lol just a little bored before working on a new...collab


viewtopic.php?f=24&t=117866

[VenomBlackViper]

Holy fuck this was great. Flawless rhyming, flowed perfectly, great storytelling & concept. It was a bit short but this would be killer if recorded as a freestyle.

And collab huh? Interesting indeed.

[ArsheyHaq]

Haha thanks, you two. Yeah, this is just a little sum'n to get people excited about the next collab...but this board is pretty dead right now.

And collab huh? Interesting indeed.

[Enimee]

wow ur gettin better and better, very good peice i really have nothing to pick out lol like for real, you did everything you should and actually conveyed it in a very entertaining way, thats the ticket to being a performer, the only like i didnt like was "lured to my place" you fell off the beat count buy one syllable but its ok cause if you emphazise right you can make it work, just hard to display that with text

now the only thing is development, you have a strong solid peice here with great potential but its short and only good for a quick laugh, if you can display this kind of talent on a full scale song then you'll be on the money for sure...

[ArsheyHaq]

you have a strong solid peice here with great potential but its short and only good for a quick laugh

Yeah, it's not supposed to be anything more than that haha It was inspired by Em's 'Emulate'. Thanks again for the feedback! Now time to return the favor

[EyeQ200]

Back to the top for more feed
^ bumping for feed, anyway, here's mine:
I think that this peice is brilliant, seems like something that would be said on Relapse.. anyway, it had a lot of wit involved here, for something that is of murder and rape
The end really got me, i didn't expect that at all and can see why it's for the Audio section, if the delivery is right, this can be a great verse

[ArsheyHaq]

Wow, this was never supposed to be anything really haha but I'm glad it's getting the reaction/praise that it's getting. Thanks again, everyone, for your comments

[WakeUpShow]

Such a clever concept, and the rhyming was beautiful and interesting. I hate to sound like I'm on you dick but your pieces are always awesome.

[ArsheyHaq]

Thanks, Cosh you never let me down with feed. Now to return the favor

[Suicide]

First time in the creative writing section and I'll definetly be back if every piece is as sick as this. I don't know about your audio skills, but your writing skills are great. Definetly let me know when you record this.

Good storytelling. I lol'd at the end and everything seems to rhyme so well together.

[RainMan44]

HOLY FUCK. This is perfect. The rhymes are perfect. The flow is perfect. The concept is perfect. The sequencing of the story is perfect. One of the best pieces I've read on here. I wish I had written this LOL


Pretty creative, too. That's something I lack, creativity. :/

[Static]

Wow, just wow! That was freaking perfect, yeah! I'm impressed with how many talented writes there are on here. Makes me feel like a fucking noob though xD

But yeah, amazing rhymes! It's not a usual sight to see that in story telling tracks like this one. I freaking loved it! That last line reminds me of the ending of the thrid verse in Stan, amazing!

Do you have a YouTube channel or anything I can check out man?
And could you leave a little feedback on my post: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=118256 ?
It's big though, so if you don't have time, that's prefectly fine and understandable! But I would love any feedback from someone as talented as yourself, positive or negative!

Keep writing, you're truly insane!

[ArsheyHaq]

Once again, thanks everyone! This type of response was not expected by me haha but it was a nice surprise

No, I don't have a YouTube channel, but I am about to record this soon. I just put together a beat that fits this verse to my liking, so look out for that