C.R.E.A.M & EyeQ200 - Lethal Elixir

[EyeQ200]

Lethal Elixir

Spitting this sick flow with an ill twisted technique
Dissing this bitch hoe with my dick in her between
Pissing these shit foes with the big shitlist insecticide
Please step aside, bitches, search you a crib to hide
This is the ultra schwarzenegger *****, squashing your syllables
Awesomely killing ya, bullet of war into ya
Dodging the gun's ammo while flipping the hawk to ya face
Puffing the storm's waist while spit flames to yo place
This is the Osama of Kush, push the attack, i'm destroying it
Ask about Obama and Bush ? i'm currently employing em
Poisonous war in a track and we're spraying diseases
Voiding this bar, guns of AIDS and agents in bleachers
I'll teach you how to use a spray can on a wall or doormat
So when a detective smells it, he'll have Agent Orange
So chain your door, man, cause i'm aiming carelessly dangerous
Search for underground ways to an ancient asian chamber, bitch!

The only motherfucker putting Charlie Sheen in second place!
In dead space, a rabbid race, hanging any turtle with my shoe lace.
Pacing hastily up to a nursing home to flip a little cripple,
The transmittal from my brain, absorbes the colour from a skittle.
Admittally in Italy i got a third degree while undersea,
Civily arrestest the parolee swinging axes at my family tree.
God can be my shepard, but i ain't following the flock,
You get doggystiled in prison by a cat for some crack rock.
I'm sprinting through streets trying to get extremely far away,
I washed my blood socks with the sheets i stole from the KKK.
Trying to run away from Satan in the gym on my treadmills,
Getting away from Freddie, overdosing on grandma's sleeping pills.
Pissing on straight jackets because i fancied a soak,
Calling the mental doctor trying to convince him my waters broke.(your the father!)
Kill everyone with cleaning liquids, Cillit Bang it's fucking over,
Bloody ending, beautiful finish, Jay telling Bey it's 'Game' 'Hova'.

Links of feedback:
http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?p=1681955#p1681955
http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?p=1682665#p1682665

[EyeQ200]

What are they?

[EyeQ200]

Thanks for picking one out for me

[Enimee]

good shit both of you, and yeah cream it defnitly is , keep workin on it ur gettin the multis down more and more each time, while i dont know the concept behind this peice, as far as random hate rap goes this is pretty solid ...and i cant really critique it too much

good verses both of u like i said cream your multis are gettin way better,

and eyeq you had some really creative lines in there keep at it

[ArsheyHaq]

Damn, C.R.E.A.M. you've improved a lot I like your line-long multies. Some of 'em aren't saying much of anything though...but that's definitely a step in the right direction!

EyeQ200, your opener was REAL nice haha you got me hooked from the beginning and kept it interesting all throughout. Good work.

You two should collab more often. It seems to challenge both of you, and brings out the best.

[EyeQ200]

Thanks Menzo, appreciate the feed no matter if its bland or not

Damn, C.R.E.A.M. you've improved a lot I like your line-long multies. Some of 'em aren't saying much of anything though...but that's definitely a step in the right direction!

EyeQ200, your opener was REAL nice haha you got me hooked from the beginning and kept it interesting all throughout. Good work.

You two should collab more often. It seems to challenge both of you, and brings out the best.

CREAM scrapped his original verse which was punchline based for this verse, and it was definitely the right decision, everyone has picked up on how much he has improved and how great his multies were here!
Thanks, that's two who have complimented my opener, maybe I should stick to writing those kind of lines, glad I kept your attention, that was the aim
And yeah, we like talking on here since we both post wayyyy too much and that just leads onto collabing and battling each other, I'm sure we will be collaborating again soon

[EyeQ200]

^ that's my man, bigging me up haha
I'm sure you'll be able to apply it into concept tracks, next time we have a concept we will run it past dR3 and see if we can get a CAPS LOCK BOYS reunion

[EyeQ200]

^ that's my man, bigging me up haha
I'm sure you'll be able to apply it into concept tracks, next time we have a concept we will run it past dR3 and see if we can get a CAPS LOCK BOYS reunion

In fact we might.

Bump for VBV to see this, I won't let it go until you drop some text, Satan Pony.

THIS^

[VenomBlackViper]

CREAM: Great usage of multies here & they flowed great too, also a step up with wit on your brag tracks from before when some of them wouldn't make any sense. I didn't really get this line though

Pissing these shit foes with the big shitlist insecticide

It just made no sense to me aside from the "pissing" "shit" puns, I don't get why insecticide was mentioned.

Also your last two bars would have been alot better if you replaced

"Search for underground ways to an ancient asian chamber, bitch!"

with

"Search for underground ways to an ancient asian chamber ditch"

just placing bitch in at the end to rhyme with your previous line seemed lazy & uncreative.

EyeQ: Well your verse was like CREAMS in the content department, only instead of using multis you use constant 1 syllable rhyming. It's cool but I do suggest you begin using multis a bit more, just my suggestion though, some people don't care about multis at all but I'm always more impressed when someone uses them.

Calling the mental doctor trying to convince him my waters broke.(your the father!)

This line made me LOL when I imagined the ad lib. I also liked your opening Charlie Sheen line &

I washed my blood socks with the sheets i stole from the KKK.

Getting away from Freddie, overdosing on grandma's sleeping pills.

The flow was alright, it goes great for 2 lines & then drops for the next 2 then picks up again & kind of goes like that the entire verse. Just needs more consistency.

[EyeQ200]

Finally!
Yeah, i have heard people say i need to improve on the multi's, it wasn't my intentions on this peice (or any i have done so far) to have ANY multi's at all, since by using them i usually fall off on imagery, content & punchlines.. at the moment it would be sacrificing one for the other until i am confident enough to apply all aspects at the same time to my writing
The flow i'll keep in mind, thanks for the feedback

[classthe_king]

Cream: This was basically a verse about nothing, the shit you were saying seemed like you were just throwing in for the hell of it, it didn't make much sense or have much logical cohesiveness. Outside of that, make sure shit rhymes. Between does not rhyme with technique nor does orange rhyme with doormat.


EyeQ: Start using some multis, they'll make your piece flow better and sound better.

[classthe_king]

I understand that it was a brag verse and you weren't using punchlines but everything you said made zero sense. Just because you're focusing on rhyming doesn't mean that the piece has to be incoherent babble.

[EyeQ200]

Thanks for the feed Class
Appreciate it