Suck It

[the real slim shady]

trolololol

its not bad... but doesnt quite make sense.

[the real slim shady]

trolololol

its not bad... but doesnt quite make sense.

"Suck It" is demonstrated at the middle of the piece as my dick, while in fact it's money .. the bitch is a Gold Digger, and she sucked all my money till i'm broke.

Thanks anyway.

yeah it makes more sense now i guess
you dont have an eminem 'imma kill this bitch' verse, but i like it anyway

[Mahmoud48]

is this a true story?

[EyeQ200]

Towards the middle i realised that you wasn't actually talking about your dick
Nice concept, i think it's executed pretty well, but MAY have been done better, a lot of it is uno-syllabic, so just watch for that in future (I'm not a great user of multi's, but i know some people really look for them when reading a text verse - especially here-)
Other than that, great peice man, keep at it!

[EyeQ200]

Yeah man same here, hard to convey a point while using multi's for me at the moment, it'll get better with practise i'm sure

[Blu]

Whoa, that last line caught me off guard tbh. No joke.
I was about say she's sucking your dick too much man, doesn't that shit get sore.
But then that last line about you being broke just made go "Ohh!"
I really liked it, the concept was great.
I wasn't really paying attention to the rhymes, cuz I was more focused on the story.
But it's really good man, I like it.

I think the reason I like this so much is because of the twist at the end, you should definitely try making more stories like this one. Good job man.

[ilovebender.com]

It's alright...

I lost concentration after harmless and topless and stuff, but it's good.

I tuned out and skipped to the end and saw you wrote you were poor and homeless 'or something', so I just left it on a high.

[the real slim shady]

Haha thanks man, and tbh my dick never gets sore even in reality.

so it doesnt get used much?

[Enimee]

lol @ this, i liked it for the most part, lyrically it wasnt the most perfect verse you've ever written, as far as content goes it was a stretch in my opinion

it kinda felt like you were building up a creative play on words, like the whole time makin us think she was suckin your dick but really she wasnt or idk, but i think you fell off a little and didnt follow through with your original concept, i mean in all its got great potential you could work on your sturucture and other fundamentals but mostly i would try developing more well thought out ideas, and use one or two real good metaphors or whatever to really make it pop... especially on a comedy peice,

lol not tryna pick you apart bro it was a good solid verse and i really did like it str8 up