Full Snippet (Extended Version)

[ArsheyHaq]

Just a little somethin' I'm working on. Being a feedback forum and all, do you guys think I should keep it and work on it some more or throw it out? I'm kind of on the edge of doing either one...

Edit: I've added another verse and somewhat of a chorus. I'm definitely considering recording this. Lemme know what you think!


...Shit, you two are bickerin' through the night
Cue the lights! I run, quick, to my room and hide
ooh, I cry, cuz I don't wanna get stuck pickin' and choosin' sides
I'll lose my mind, feelin' so conflicted & blue inside
Who is right? Iono, I begin kickin' you to the side
I bruise your pride, cuz as I get older it gets trickier to decide
who to side with...so many sides! I'm surprised I ain't become a victim to SUI-cide (side)!!
no wonder things no longer click between you and I
I used to look up to you, but now I have trouble just lookin' into your eyes...

AHHH!
Marital problems till they both develop cerebral palsy

...Wish I had these two in the palm of my hand
If I could get my mom and my dad-
to stop fighting, then all my problems would be gone in a flash!
Cuz it's gettin' hard to focus..let alone accomplish a task!!
But I'm commonly asked how I'm so calm and relaxed
I'm not...whether it's the wrong or right answer
I'm ready to vent by causin' harm to you bastards
have my arm in a plaster, a cast, from givin' you abdominal fractures
comical laughter while you're vomiting after!! (HAHA!)
..BUT I hold it all in, just a phenomenal actor
nominee-worthy with this comedy act that I put on to be captured
as some corny-ass dude/wannabe rapper!
Were you on to me? Yeah, I didn't think so...








viewtopic.php?f=24&t=118322

[Static]

Keep it, for sure! It's is amazing. Basically everything I said in the last thread of yours goes for this one too. I especially loved the suicide line, that's really clever. And even though it's clever, after it has been said, it's so obvious that you can't help but wonder why no one used it before. Get my point?

Throwing it out isn't a stupid move if you think you can make something better out of the same concept. But if I wrote that, I definitely wouldn't throw it away. I loved it.

[Enimee]

i personally like this alot cause i can relate to it, it kinda connected with some shit i got goin on in life, hmu if u wanna build on this and collab it i got a good idea we could brainstorm

[ArsheyHaq]

Thanks, everyone. You motivated me to keep writing about the topic.

@ Enimee- PM me. Let's get crackin' on something, cuz I definitely have a lot more to express when it comes to this particular subject-matter. Plus, I'd love to see what you bring to the table.

[Enimee]

i actually wrote a real good verse (i think) stoned as shit, then my comp signed me out and it deleted my shit sooo im back to the drawing boards, ill send you somethin soon i might do it now or later idk