Killer Cosmonauts feat. VBV

[WakeUpShow]

[Hook- Cosh]
Cosh and Venom, Trained Assassins
Moshing Bedlem, Pain and Passion
Freak of Nature, Beasts of Might
Reaping Haters, we Feast Tonight!!!

[Venom]
Cursed by the Gods, I travel the universe defeating the powers
Clockasian Cannibal, I don't just kill time I need to feed & devour
At dinner time with the jaws of life eating the hours
Cleansing myself in bloodbaths & meteor showers
Meteorite crystal meth travels through my veins at the speed of light
Hungry for knowledge wanting food for thought, all I need's a bite
To give me peace of mind & expand my thoughts beyond this round sphere globe
I stopped going in circles, went back to square one & turned it to Ground Zero
The world revolves around me so I'm out of this world when I have an out of body experience
My giant ego has it's own orbit field so you don't wanna come near me bitch
Caused the Big Bang when I fucked the world & the whole thing expanded
Then proposed to it with the rings of Saturn
Venom & Cosh, the burning sun meets the dark side of the moon
I don't write raps, I write the end of days marked by shines of doom
So I don't need to worry if my filler's hot or not
Killing brain cells when spaced out, i'm a Killer Cosmonaut

[Hook]
Cosh and Venom, Trained Assassins
Moshing Bedlem, Pain and Passion
Freak of Nature, Beasts of Might
Reaping Haters, we Feast Tonight!!!

[Cosh]
Stand on the sun and spin the planets with string
Ingest any fucking substance that you happen to bring
I stuck my dick in a black hole and gave it a Milky Way
Crushed a galaxy in my palm just to watch it wilt away
Venom drinks Coronas while I smoke a Cinder Cone
Bionic brains and brawn always seem to hinder foes
Before I lift weights, I inject my arms with asteroids
You're listening to them just don't give a fuck bastard boys
8 bars in and I'm out as far as ever
A Killer Cosmonaut, a million murders Mar my record
When you see the Zodiac killer, you'll want to shoot a solar flare
With the mind of Stephen Hawking and the brute of polar bears
We're against the grain, Venom and Cosh are the seedier help
When I become a red giant I have to tighten meteor belts
In the great beyond you know we always loom free
I'll serve you Whiney Crackers with a side of Moon Cheese

[Hook]
Cosh and Venom, Trained Assassins
Moshing Bedlem, Pain and Passion
Freak of Nature, Beasts of Might
Reaping Haters, we Feast Tonight!!!

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=118421

[mdemaz]

I love how you kept a space theme throughout the whole of your verses.
Pretty hard to do when you need to do decent rhymes and make sense at the same time..
XD
Pretty good piece though.

[VenomBlackViper]

Giving feedback on your verse:

This was the most technically sound verse i've seen from you so far in terms of multies so I can see you're improving on that. Although the "solar flare" "polar bear" rhyme scheme was a bit unimpressive as i've heard a few others already use it, that's my only complaint there though.

My favorite lines were

"I stuck my dick in a black hole and gave it a Milky Way"

and

"Before I lift weights, I inject my arms with asteroids"

great shit there.

You should try to step away from using fillers though like the "seedier help" line felt like it was just thrown in there for the fuck of adding another bar. I'm guilty of the filler thing myself too though.

Btw dope chorus you added.

[VenomBlackViper]

I think I left my pen in here, just came back to get it. Alright take care now.

[EyeQ200]

Okay, i'll give some feed:
Firstly , Venom, at times i lost the flow, for me the lines were too long at some points, the syllables in one line were just too many/too little in contrast to the rhyming bar in some parts of the song, eg.

Caused the Big Bang when I fucked the world & the whole thing expanded
Then proposed to it with the rings of Saturn

The multi's were on point and there was no real dip, as per usual you have this aspect under complete control (in particular 'sphere globe' & 'zero' was creative and caught me off guard)
The imagery was excellent and you kept to the theme well.
Favourite line:

At dinner time with the jaws of life eating the hours
Cleansing myself in bloodbaths & meteor showers

Least favourite line:

Cursed by the Gods, I travel the universe defeating the powers
Clockasian Cannibal, I don't just kill time I need to feed & devour

For me it was reaching a bit too far on the second line.

Cosh, There isn't that much that i can really say about your verse, the flow was completely fine for me to go along with, the multi's were all there but as Venom said some were a bit plain (eg. Loom free & Moon cheese) and the first line, was that just a one syllable? I have no problem with that as multi's aren't my forte and not that important for me while i still acknowledge them as a core technical aspect of rap.
As with Venom, the imagery and theme were both portrayed well.
Favourite lines:

Before I lift weights, I inject my arms with asteroids
You're listening to them just don't give a fuck bastard boys

Least favourite lines:

8 bars in and I'm out as far as ever
A Killer Cosmonaut, a million murders Mar my record

It really was a stretch to get that to rhyme for me.

As usual, a solid verse by both of you, a great concept with a lot of thought put into it, as long as it's thought there, i'll crtique fairly and in depth, nice job here guys!

[WakeUpShow]

I love how you kept a space theme throughout the whole of your verses.
Pretty hard to do when you need to do decent rhymes and make sense at the same time..
XD
Pretty good piece though.

haha thanks

Giving feedback on your verse:

This was the most technically sound verse i've seen from you so far in terms of multies so I can see you're improving on that. Although the "solar flare" "polar bear" rhyme scheme was a bit unimpressive as i've heard a few others already use it, that's my only complaint there though.

My favorite lines were

"I stuck my dick in a black hole and gave it a Milky Way"

and

"Before I lift weights, I inject my arms with asteroids"

great shit there.

You should try to step away from using fillers though like the "seedier help" line felt like it was just thrown in there for the fuck of adding another bar. I'm guilty of the filler thing myself too though.

Btw dope chorus you added.

Yeah I wasn't satisfied with my filler at all haha. But I thought for a WHILE for dope lines and I just hit a wall. I thoughtyour punches were INCREDIBLY dope. My only complaint is that some lines drag on a little too long and it kinda makes the flow suffer. Nothing Big though. And also, I thought experience/ near me bitch was a little bit of a stretch. Overall though, your verse was fire. Especially bloodbaths/metor showers

Cosh, There isn't that much that i can really say about your verse, the flow was completely fine for me to go along with, the multi's were all there but as Venom said some were a bit plain (eg. Loom free & Moon cheese) and the first line, was that just a one syllable? I have no problem with that as multi's aren't my forte and not that important for me while i still acknowledge them as a core technical aspect of rap.
As with Venom, the imagery and theme were both portrayed well.
Favourite lines:

Before I lift weights, I inject my arms with asteroids
You're listening to them just don't give a fuck bastard boys

Least favourite lines:

8 bars in and I'm out as far as ever
A Killer Cosmonaut, a million murders Mar my record

It really was a stretch to get that to rhyme for me.

As usual, a solid verse by both of you, a great concept with a lot of thought put into it, as long as it's thought there, i'll crtique fairly and in depth, nice job here guys!

Thanks for the feed. The first 2 bars are a multi: Planets with string/ Happen to bring. And as I said with Venom I kinda hit a wall at a point that's why a few of my filler bars are boring. And oh i was gonna rhyme far as ever/mar the record but the one I chose worked better. By any chance did you get the last line? Wine/Crackers/Cheese. Or the Mars in Mar My Record? Thanks again!

[EyeQ200]

Now i see the first line
i saw the Crackers & Cheese, but not the wine. And yeah i saw the Mar/Mars haha, i was wondering if you did it on purpose and then was like you must have, its pretty obvious on a second look

[WakeUpShow]

Now i see the first line
i saw the Crackers & Cheese, but not the wine. And yeah i saw the Mar/Mars haha, i was wondering if you did it on purpose and then was like you must have, its pretty obvious on a second look

haha yeah

[EyeQ200]

canibuss.gif (36.93 KiB) Viewed 3569 times

[WakeUpShow]

lmao what an ugly fuck

[VenomBlackViper]

The "come near me bitch" line was a last minute addition bar tbh.

[classthe_king]

Alright

VBV: your wordplay ideas and your punchline concepts are amazing, but your flow still needs a lot of work. This verse had really no flow at all. If you have one line that needs a huge set up then you have to make the line before that extremely small, notice on my collab verse with you I structured it like this

Fuck the goals in life
If I reached for the stars I’d immediately strip the globe o’ light
A cyborg prototype
Constructed with reverse engineering in a Roswell clonin site

That's what Possessed does. Your rhyming was good but I should warn you about rhyming sphere globe with zero. Sphere globe is two distinct syllables that will stand out and zero you will say fairly quick so it will run together. It's really going to hurt the flow in an audio piece. I don't know if you write to beats yet but you need to start.


Cosh: I don't have much to say about your verse, your rhyming was great the whole time, besides the first line because I don't consider happen and planet to rhyme at all, your flow was pretty good the whole time and you had some alright punches but you also had a lot of filler. That meteor belt punch would have been better if VBV hadn't used the concept before.

[RainMan44]

I fucking loved this. The concept, theme, and the multies were all on point. VBV, at times your flow seemed a bit off, but nothing huge.

Good piece, gentlemen


Can y'all feed my new piece when you guys got the time please? I'd appreciate it

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=119406

[Alex2012]

I pass by here while I'm in the corner, just to say I loved your costume of cosmonaut, you are awesome all the both, the story is original, beautiful metaphor, too lazy to analyze the rest .

[Sam.]

yo vbv pm me your verse man i'll feed you here( dont ask me why ? ) do it .