over & over

[Ka0t1c]

link of feedback
http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=120785
or...

Over and over i bulldoze thru total bullshit
nobody does know this to notice but only colder i get
so always i focus since i value importance
or i'd fall for the voices, exposin my body to powerful poisons

and although i'm not proud of my voyage, i'm without disappointment
now my knowledge i hold is not dormant
showin doubters my motives are growin stronger with dominant forces
cuz i found that cowards deploy countless amounts of obvious distortion

so while i encounter transformin a number of courses
i become more forward spoken to draw others to open
what's undiscovered, bottled up in their emotions
before they suffer from stallin their call to devotion

and cuz no longer i'm allowin myself to abort cuz of commotion
my route i am morphin far from folklore
but look how i'm supported, haunted by war
throwin me outta my orbit, groundin how i perform

yet, i follow my morals, it's a balancin chore
still you can't copy me soarin to the top of the billboards
so you oughtta enjoy my album's audio i record
which challenges my resources but towards hip hop, i'm reborn

[Maybe]

Some of your rhymes are great, while others fall behind for some reason. I'm not sure how you write your pieces, but this one seemed to be slightly scattered. The flow wasn't terrible by any means, though it can be polished for improvement, Lyrically it was interesting. I'm not sure what you were going for but I enjoyed the content.

Overall, 8/10. I score it this way because I managed to weed out the inconsistencies. You should try to draft a few rewrites, but this is a pretty solid piece none-the-less.

[Ka0t1c]

thanx, i'll see what i can do to reconstruct this piece and decide what to change, i appreciate the quick feedback!

[Maybe]

thanx, i'll see what i can do to reconstruct this piece and decide what to change, i appreciate the quick feedback!

Absolutely anytime man. If you start rewriting it, send me some samples in a PM. I'd be glad to help you improve this.

[Ka0t1c]

alright, thanx for going above and beyond... i may just do that then.

[ArsheyHaq]

I find myself agreeing with what Maybe said. Your rhymes are really impressive, and seem pro. I just can't seem to understand fully what you were trying to say with this piece. Maybe a lot of it went over my head? Lol but I'm sure I couldn't have been the only one who feels that way. Your rhymes and flow were on point, but for next time make your message a little more clearer. Good piece though, other than that your vocab is great too! You use smart words, but not too smart that you lose us haha

[Ka0t1c]

thanx for checking this out, i edited it, hopefully it's better understanding now, it took me a bit to sift thru...

[J.R.]

THIS Is fire. I like it, you're pretty good. Improve the flow and rhyme structure. You got time.

[Ka0t1c]

i'm getting some help on my structure, hopefully we'll get this thing figured out to better suit your ear holes, thanx for checking my piece out

[Ka0t1c]

thanx Geno, and most of my others are based on the multi syllable pattern