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Serious Damage

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Serious Damage

Postby ArsheyHaq » Aug 2nd, '11, 08:25

Christmas doesn't come to us camel jocks/
so I dressed in camouflage and sabotaged a chimney for Santa Clause/
'till there was some serious damage caused!/ *crashing sounds*
smacked a fat bitch who was dressed like a hoe/
and told her "quit eating; only digest Diet Coke/
and get me some fresh, ironed clothes!!"/
now I've got a court date to evade; never confess--lie on oath/
got these shrinks tryin' to guess my M.O./
but whenever I express my emo-tions they suggest a higher dose/
went to the Vatican to get blessed by the Pope/
but he hung himself by the neck by a rope/
right after he says that I'm possessed by a ghost/
guess I best buy a goat and sacrifice it; cut the flesh by the throat/
cuz what this sinner needs is some intervenin'/
but these God damn inner demons ain't in agreement!!/ :o


Haha, Idk, take it for what it is.


Link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=120785
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Re: Serious Damage

Postby PeNGuiN ZoMbiE » Aug 2nd, '11, 21:14

haha i like it. i enjoyed reading it. had some real funny lines. rhyming was nice. but to make the story better you should try to put more imagery in it so it really paints a picture. well thats my two pennies :y:
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Re: Serious Damage

Postby ArsheyHaq » Aug 2nd, '11, 22:11

PeNGuiN ZoMbiE wrote:haha i like it. i enjoyed reading it. had some real funny lines. rhyming was nice. but to make the story better you should try to put more imagery in it so it really paints a picture. well thats my two pennies :y:


Lol thanks a lot for the feed, man. I agree with what you said :y: this was just for fun, but I thought it was good enough to post haha I would even go as far as to say this here piece of mine...sucks
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Re: Serious Damage

Postby ArsheyHaq » Aug 5th, '11, 08:15

Nobody likey?
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Re: Serious Damage

Postby J.R. » Aug 5th, '11, 20:21

One of the few enjoyable reads in this section, could've painted a better picture, but it had some nice lines and was funny as shit.

I like it. :b:

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