when everything is gone

[Ka0t1c]

feedback: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=119697&start=15

what do i have left when everything is gone
cuz all i see is death, could it be i'm the only one?
well, i thought i had a path to keep me going on
but now i'm feeling trapped so i need to look beyond

oh, is it out my reach i ask
or have i found my peace at last?
no, i want to breathe each breath
for my freedom to seem intact

and though there's demons on my back
i show my dreams will never lack
cuz my goal's to proceed these tracks
until i totally collapse

will i hold up to my tests
since defeat i don't accept
still, it's leading me towards the edge
and hopefully i redeem my best by moving forward steps

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

i see no one has given this any feedback. but i'll be that guy! cos i believe everything deserves at least one response. when i read this.. idk i get like this kinda shakespeare vibe. i feel like your talking to yourself at times. like a silhouette(not even sure if thats the proper word but fuck it). the lyrics seem very bland. nothing really eye catching if you will, to the reader. this is just my two pennies tho

[Ka0t1c]

ok, i'll take that criticism... it's poetic style, i kinda don't like it but it is what it is, hope it didn't hurt your feelings reading this... thanx for your input

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

no feelings hurt man im just giving you my feed, my opinion. thats what this section is for anyways isn't it

[Ka0t1c]

yep, i didn't mean just you, i'm just tryna get more feed from others

[ArsheyHaq]

This had some pretty dope rhyming on here I like some of the multies a lot. Also, the words you picked were pretty smart choices by you. They resonate a lot of personal emotion. I don't really see this as a verse or even verses, though. Looks to me like several different choruses to different raps. Maybe look into turning them into hooks for some of your other pieces...?

[Ka0t1c]

thanx man, but all these pieces rhyme quite well together to be considered choruses, i can't separate them from each other, these rhymes are my babies!

[SliK]

I would definitely be feeling this over an R&B beat, or with Kanye West/Drake type flow (the rap/sing thing they do) It's a personal piece and your rymes are good. I enjoyed it