You Don't Call~ Track 7

[J.R.]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=121450&p=1716914#p1716914

Verse 1:
I woke up, pissed off, in caged by a demon,
Checked my phone, you didn't call, so I unleashed this behemoth
screamin you're sorry, maybe it's an overreaction,
hopefully my lawyer can explain my actions,
My brains crashin, tryna finish this record,
But I restored my flow, ready? Let's go,
All aboard my train of thought, it's a fucked up place,
It's toured daily by people, yeah plenty of space,
Fuck she still hasn't called! What a bitch,
Enough excuses, I've stalled to long,
Need a new bitch for a blow on the john

(Chorus)
And you don't call, So fuck you,
I hope a rapists abducts you,
Makes you blow him, and I hope it sucks too,
Don't need you! Yeah Fuck you!

(Verse 2)
Days where I was lost in your eyes,
that layer of you was a clever disguise,
It hid all the guys that you fucked,
Ruined their lives, you sucked.
You're a demon creature with no conscience,
A soul ether and living annoyance,
the opposite of flamboyant,
the cheapest whore on the block,
leave everyone's cock with a shock,
got all the toys in stock,
whatever, kill the track, I'm done.
Fuck you, you white trash cunt.

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

thats all cos of no phone call?

good flow. didnt see any inner rhymes tho i see multis. i feel like you kinda strayed away from the concept for a little in the first verse. very angry song lol made me think of kim. didnt really like the hook.. idk just didnt seem creative. im not trying to hate or anything just giving my true opinion.
could use some work but i liked some lines, like the first one, cos i pictured someone pissed off. not a bad read tho nonetheless.
my two pennies keep at it

[J.R.]

thats all cos of no phone call?
t

Concepts my brother, concepts.

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

thats all cos of no phone call?
t

Concepts my brother, concepts.

i think some kind of intro as what was the deal with the phone call would make this a lot better.
cos ive never been pissed over a phone call.

btw i just realized that your first two lines are completely backwards
cos it seems like you were pissed off before noticing you didnt get the phone call... which no one knows what is. nahmean?

[J.R.]

thats all cos of no phone call?
t

Concepts my brother, concepts.

i think some kind of intro as what was the deal with the phone call would make this a lot better.
cos ive never been pissed over a phone call.

btw i just realized that your first two lines are completely backwards
cos it seems like you were pissed off before noticing you didnt get the phone call... which no one knows what is. nahmean?

Actually, it's a metaphor.

I WOKE UP, Pissed OFF.

Think about dre in I need a doctor.

"Wake up dre! I'm dying I need you come back for fucks sake!"

Was dre asleep? No. Something...else.