Trouble In Paradise

[ArsheyHaq]

Did this out of boredom. Trying to make this board more active!!



We'll be soul mates all the way 'till old age/
yeah, right why would I wanna spend my life with a naggin' bitch?/
'till we're both old and have saggin' tits, with uncontrollable flatulence/
you think you'll always have attractiveness??/
look at you brag as if you're everything and a bag of chips/
You ain't nothing but a sack of shit!/
So gag on a dick 'till you're off your rag
I wish you'd go *POOF* like a magic trick/
cuz no adjective can describe this real life tragic flick/
us together is like a..bad stereo--attracting static/
even though I'm bendin' over backwards, doin' aerial acrobatics/
but you won't be happy 'till I'm wearin' an apparatus,/
schematics, and gadgets that let you pinpoint my area with maps; an atlas/
so you could know where I am to track my status!/
man, I can't be carryin' all that baggage/
the perfect married life? It's a folklore/
So much stress! I MIGHT get an ulcer/
I should alter my decision to make you my wife at the altar/
cuz I'll prolly end up CHEATING on you for Spider-Man's wife and get stoned like an adulterer!!/
(get it? Mary Jane=marijuana..stoned haha)





Link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=121021

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

i had to read it a few times to make this post.. cos thats how long it took me to realize i like it cos i have the attention span worse the a squirrel... brb someone just screamed put away your nuts like they were nuts. okay im back and done with the stupidity. anyways lol i like it a lot actually. its quiet funny i could see it being real entertaining if recorded properly. the rhyming was real good but i thought the accurate part was a forced rhyme. just my two pennies

[Ka0t1c]

pretty cool read, i like the vocab and rhyme pattern you are using here, keep it up!

[JamaicanPattlez]

My goodness this is dope, I liked it a lot! Keep it up!

[ArsheyHaq]

the rhyming was real good but i thought the accurate part was a forced rhyme. just my two pennies

Thanks for the good advice I changed it

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

the rhyming was real good but i thought the accurate part was a forced rhyme. just my two pennies

Thanks for the good advice I changed it

love it! haha very funny, makes it much better

[Enimee]

dope shit, i fuck with this verse hard

especially the flatulence, bag of chips lines...

most of all though i really dug your transitions, the way you went from multi scheme to multi scheme it was almost effortless in most places...and in other places while still rough around the edges, it was definitely improvement on some of your past pieces keep that shit up thats what makes your flow better... for reals

[ArsheyHaq]

dope shit, i fuck with this verse hard

especially the flatulence, bag of chips lines...

most of all though i really dug your transitions, the way you went from multi scheme to multi scheme it was almost effortless in most places...and in other places while still rough around the edges, it was definitely improvement on some of your past pieces keep that shit up thats what makes your flow better... for reals

Yeah, I was definitely focused more on flow on this one more than anything. It's why the first half didn't have as long/impressive multies as the later half. I wrote it to Em and Royce's "A Kiss". That's also why the subject matter is what it is lol

Hope everyone that read this, whether they left feed or not, enjoyed it