Song 9~ Insanely Wack

[J.R.]

Insanely Wack~ Bshady
Song 9~ Live it up
Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo-QaBk-GqY
Feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=121769&p=1720425#p1720425


Raise the alarm, but for once,
I'm not here to cause bodily harm,
Not here to shit talk my mom,
Just for a minute I wanna talk about my sins,
So make like tech n9ne, and please begin,

Been writing since I was five, never gave up hope,
barely alive now that I'm realizing I just ain't dope,
Refer to hurt so rare because in that song there's a noose around my throat,
and I'm in the dirt so I'm kinda hope I'm not wrong and that's how this'll go,
I asked fucking geno to check my work, like I'm not a grown man anymore,
I'm just a grain in this game, A piece of fucking sand on the floor,
I look insanely wack when a fraction of YOUR track runs,
Let's go back son, to a time when I wrote for me,
Never worried about any damn fans and not a single enemy,
Now I'm writing to prove a point, that I still have it
and if I do, can I write a good fucking joint and grab it?
or is it time for me to go back to the fucking lab bitch?

(Chorus:Eminem)
So lets go back
Follow the yellow brick road as we go on another episode
Journey with me as I take you through this nifty little place
I once used to call home sweet home

Hey, that's funny Em, in your song you called this place home sweet home,
I never lived here or belonged, was a fucking nobody lower than the garden knome
Never once rapped dopely, even though I was told I was,
Look at the shit you wrote B, I'd rather write in blood,
then write that wack shit again, and I know,
that I'm not ever gonna be as good as fifty or Eminem
and it's a nifty little fact, one I'll have to accept,
Election for best ever? I'm the last you'll elect,
and in time, I do believe I can recover what I never had,
A state of mind, A lover and a mother fucking dad,
But until then, It's time to go back,
Never again, will I be insanely wack...

(Chorus:Eminem)
So lets go back
Follow the yellow brick road as we go on another episode
Journey with me as I take you through this nifty little place
I once used to call home sweet home

[Man1x]

Dope man, once I get better I'd love to collab if that's alright with you.

[J.R.]

Dope man, once I get better I'd love to collab if that's alright with you.

Sure, I'll put you on a track with me and well...someone, it'll be a while, just remind me some time like next week.

[classthe_king]

What time do you start rapping at?

[J.R.]

What time do you start rapping at?

[classthe_king]

What time do you start rapping at?

On the beat....

[J.R.]

What time do you start rapping at?

On the beat....

Oh, I literally thought you meant I was that bad.

@ Me,

Anyway, 13 seconds in.

[J.R.]

I lol'd

/low self esteem/ obviously would think that.

Just playin geno.

[classthe_king]

Well first of all, a verse is 16 lines so I would start by doing that.

But really, you need to work on your flow and structure. And no, not structure as in make your verse as symmetric as possible but you need to work on the way you present your lyrics. I read it about 6 times and I'm pretty sure I figured out what you were trying to do because I started catching the rhymes in the middle of the lines and I started placing those on the snare to see what would happen. This will make it easier to read and give feed.


Other than that, you're a beginer so I won't comment on your lyrics but you need to step up the multis. Your rhyming was extremely simple and bland.

[J.R.]

Well first of all, a verse is 16 lines so I would start by doing that.

But really, you need to work on your flow and structure. And no, not structure as in make your verse as symmetric as possible but you need to work on the way you present your lyrics. I read it about 6 times and I'm pretty sure I figured out what you were trying to do because I started catching the rhymes in the middle of the lines and I started placing those on the snare to see what would happen. This will make it easier to read and give feed.


Other than that, you're a beginer so I won't comment on your lyrics but you need to step up the multis. Your rhyming was extremely simple and bland.

Okay, I'll work on that. I think the reasons for my simplistic rhymes is I don't have much to write about, before I've really covered my life story and well...
Nothing left.

[classthe_king]

Well first of all, a verse is 16 lines so I would start by doing that.

But really, you need to work on your flow and structure. And no, not structure as in make your verse as symmetric as possible but you need to work on the way you present your lyrics. I read it about 6 times and I'm pretty sure I figured out what you were trying to do because I started catching the rhymes in the middle of the lines and I started placing those on the snare to see what would happen. This will make it easier to read and give feed.


Other than that, you're a beginer so I won't comment on your lyrics but you need to step up the multis. Your rhyming was extremely simple and bland.

Okay, I'll work on that. I think the reasons for my simplistic rhymes is I don't have much to write about, before I've really covered my life story and well...
Nothing left.

That's when you need to expand your subject matter, start doing things from other people's perspectives and make up your own life stories. Or just do rhyming exercises where you try and rhyme as complex as possible, I find that helps me a lot.

[J.R.]

Well first of all, a verse is 16 lines so I would start by doing that.

But really, you need to work on your flow and structure. And no, not structure as in make your verse as symmetric as possible but you need to work on the way you present your lyrics. I read it about 6 times and I'm pretty sure I figured out what you were trying to do because I started catching the rhymes in the middle of the lines and I started placing those on the snare to see what would happen. This will make it easier to read and give feed.


Other than that, you're a beginer so I won't comment on your lyrics but you need to step up the multis. Your rhyming was extremely simple and bland.

Okay, I'll work on that. I think the reasons for my simplistic rhymes is I don't have much to write about, before I've really covered my life story and well...
Nothing left.

That's when you need to expand your subject matter, start doing things from other people's perspectives and make up your own life stories. Or just do rhyming exercises where you try and rhyme as complex as possible, I find that helps me a lot.

Okay, and since I'm experiencing some writers block should I continue with my plans of a week break and then take this advice?

[classthe_king]

Sure. Sometimes taking some time off helps a lot. I was writing this song recently and I couldn't write the last verse to save my life but then I took a week off and was able to write it with ease.

[J.R.]

Sure. Sometimes taking some time off helps a lot. I was writing this song recently and I couldn't write the last verse to save my life but then I took a week off and was able to write it with ease.

Alrighty then, for the lyrical trinity track with geno and cream and menzo, I will write it tuesday with complex rhyme schemes .