Rainy Day (2 outta 3 verses)

[Eedee]

Hey guys! This is a song I'm writing for my album (or EP, we don't know yet...) and I want it to sound like one of Em's early songs, like Brain Damage type storytelling and lyrical skill. Any reviews will be great, please! Particularly on multi's, flow, and storytelling ability.

[Verse 1]

I was running outside on one rainy afternoon,
when some asshole drove by and splashed me with a pool,
of water, so I fucking flipped him off,
he stopped and got out obviously ticked off,
he was extremely pissed off but then I called the cops,
he didn't bother restraining my arms or hands at all!
So by the time he was trying to stuff me in the trunk,
I heard the sirens coming near and it was just my luck!
The asshole turned around and his eyes bulged wide,
like the dinner plate Precious used to eat Kentucky Fried,
but the fucking sirens were coming closer and they whizzed right by,
He was so excited he accidentally jizzed in my right eye!
the kidnapper turned around, happier than a hoppy kangaroo,
But by that time I was already gone, you snooze, you lose, fool!

[Chorus]

It was a rainy day, just mindin' my
own business when karma came alive.
It was a rainy day, time just flies by,
when your whole world takes a damn nose dive.

[Verse 2]

So while I was running back to my house, I fell and I said "ouch"
I got home and pounced on my couch, sat there and just lounged.
Then I announced to the empty room that I'd go and write a rap,
What would make my whole day brighter is light the sky up, strike a match,
Mother Nature gets pissed see? Then I take a leak on the grass,
The lightning just barely missed me, and then use a leaf to wipe my ass.
I'll never relinquish my hold that I have on the English language,
Extinguish the fire that I am, distinguished the linguist, languish,
Intentionally I'm well intentioned, I just wanna be heard and mentioned,
I pull tension on this game, replace reality with my dimension.
Instead of the world in 3D, you'll see the fucking world in Eedee.
Appreci-ate the splendor, I ain't pretending any longer,
I'm the center of attention, tempered, I render your being conquered.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this!!





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[JamaicanPattlez]

I pictured SSLP voice here. I liked it, but what I'd suggest is instead of aiming for SSLP-era lyrics, try to think about having lyrics with cartoon / goofy violence, since Slim Shady's not what I'd call mature.

[Eedee]

I pictured SSLP voice here. I liked it, but what I'd suggest is instead of aiming for SSLP-era lyrics, try to think about having lyrics with cartoon / goofy violence, since Slim Shady's not what I'd call mature.

Hmmm. I was picturing a Slim Shady-esque voice and lyrics, but without the "aura" of it, if that makes sense... Like, I can talk about what I want, but still have that SSesque flow/lyrics.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I pictured SSLP voice here. I liked it, but what I'd suggest is instead of aiming for SSLP-era lyrics, try to think about having lyrics with cartoon / goofy violence, since Slim Shady's not what I'd call mature.

Hmmm. I was picturing a Slim Shady-esque voice and lyrics, but without the "aura" of it, if that makes sense... Like, I can talk about what I want, but still have that SSesque flow/lyrics.

You mean like your own topic, but sounds like the style he'd write in back then? Well SSLP Em had a talent for laying multis and rhymes that just rolled off the tongue and seemed... easy! I'd say flow a bit!

[Eedee]

I pictured SSLP voice here. I liked it, but what I'd suggest is instead of aiming for SSLP-era lyrics, try to think about having lyrics with cartoon / goofy violence, since Slim Shady's not what I'd call mature.

Hmmm. I was picturing a Slim Shady-esque voice and lyrics, but without the "aura" of it, if that makes sense... Like, I can talk about what I want, but still have that SSesque flow/lyrics.

You mean like your own topic, but sounds like the style he'd write in back then? Well SSLP Em had a talent for laying multis and rhymes that just rolled off the tongue and seemed... easy! I'd say flow a bit!

Will do! I'm going to take all this advice I've gained all night and write a sick verse. Do my best to lay multi's, rhyme uncommon words, and flow like a boss and make it seem easy!

Thanks for all this, man. Appreciate it!!!

[JamaicanPattlez]

No problem man! For me, and probably the others, the best rhymes come when it just fits super well and you're like "Damn! How'd I think of this?!" Don't force it! At least, I don't. :P

Like something I used for a verse I'm putting up soon would go like:

You think you're hot shit, you're more of a flaming asshole!
Relax though homie, you're here blaming the tracks though,
And that flow's not wack though, so imagine what would happen if I jacked Hov's,
Mad fro, growin' crap slow, I think I lack the magic of that black soul.

See?

[Eedee]

No problem man! For me, and probably the others, the best rhymes come when it just fits super well and you're like "Damn! How'd I think of this?!" Don't force it! At least, I don't. :P

Like something I used for a verse I'm putting up soon would go like:

You think you're hot shit, you're more of a flaming asshole!
Relax though homie, you're here blaming the tracks though,
And that flow's not wack though, so imagine what would happen if I jacked Hov's,
Mad fro, growin' crap slow, I think I lack the magic of that black soul.

See?

Holy tits! Did you listen to "Things Get Worse" and then write this?? That flow is almost exactly like Em's on that particular track.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Nah, wait, is it really? I just sat there, Royce came to mind and the first bar was made. Second onwards I just tried mixing flows and ended up with that. Damn.

[Eedee]

Nah, wait, is it really? I just sat there, Royce came to mind and the first bar was made. Second onwards I just tried mixing flows and ended up with that. Damn.

I'm pretty damn sure it would fit in Things Get Worse haha. And that first bar does sound like Royce. I can envision him saying that. And watch in this section in the next few minutes. I'm posting that verse I told you I'd write.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Nah, wait, is it really? I just sat there, Royce came to mind and the first bar was made. Second onwards I just tried mixing flows and ended up with that. Damn.

I'm pretty damn sure it would fit in Things Get Worse haha. And that first bar does sound like Royce. I can envision him saying that. And watch in this section in the next few minutes. I'm posting that verse I told you I'd write.

I've heard him in my mind saying it, and it fits! On the real though, where in Things Get Worse would that fit?

[Eedee]

Nah, wait, is it really? I just sat there, Royce came to mind and the first bar was made. Second onwards I just tried mixing flows and ended up with that. Damn.

I'm pretty damn sure it would fit in Things Get Worse haha. And that first bar does sound like Royce. I can envision him saying that. And watch in this section in the next few minutes. I'm posting that verse I told you I'd write.

I've heard him in my mind saying it, and it fits! On the real though, where in Things Get Worse would that fit?

Pretty sure at the beginning of Em's verse. Let me go and listen to it again. One second. If I got your hopes up, I'm sorry haha. But I'm pretty positive it would.

[Eedee]

No problem man! For me, and probably the others, the best rhymes come when it just fits super well and you're like "Damn! How'd I think of this?!" Don't force it! At least, I don't. :P

Like something I used for a verse I'm putting up soon would go like:

You think you're hot shit, you're more of a flaming asshole!
Relax though homie, you're here blaming the tracks though,
And that flow's not wack though, so imagine what would happen if I jacked Hov's,
Mad fro, growin' crap slow, I think I lack the magic of that black soul.

See?

If you spit it like this, it would work in Things Get Worse:

You think you're hot shit? You're more of a fla-ming ass-hole (with a pitch going higher near the end)
Relax though, homie, you're here blaming the tracks though! (again with a rising pitch)
And that flow's not wack though, so imagine what would happen, if I jack Hov's,
Mad for growing crap slow, I think I lack the magic of that motherfucking black soul.

I added that motherfucking for flow purposes so it would fit on that beat. And on the "black soul" make sure you make that typical Em lower pitch as the punchline nears, if you get what I mean.

[JamaicanPattlez]

The accent! LOL, it works! Now I can see it. I'm laughing at imagining him saying it!


That's incredible! I wouldn't have guessed.

[Eedee]

YEAHHH you got it now haha

Those lines, with him rapping with that accent = yet

*wipes tear from eye* good stuff... good stuff.

[JamaicanPattlez]

YEAHHH you got it now haha

Those lines, with him rapping with that accent = yet

*wipes tear from eye* good stuff... good stuff.

Indeed it is! Now to finish her up. :P