Help! I've been eaten~ Verse

[J.R.]

Just a fun verse. Obviously, none of this is true.




Help! I've been Eaten.




This guy I know was planning to exsanguinate his girlfriend,
But instead had to hang his mate, Cause she kept squirming,
Had her for dinner, Amazing dish, Best thing I ever ate,
Then he caught a winner's fish, for a side on the plate,
Then, he took the remains, showed it flashcards,
Used part of it as a tire, on his smashed car,
Taught it football, threw the ball, he passed hard,
Hit her in the face, that was her last start,
Signed the bitch up for fucking e-school,
Had her communicate with some of the people,
Taught her to fire a weapon, she was lethal,
Even in death she could shoot a seagull,
Then one day, the police raided his house,
Found her in the stairway, wearing a blouse,
She had rotted to bones, nothing left to prove,
He had eaten her insides, mashed em up so they were smooth.
And that was the story, of hardball jim,
Who would eat your mom, and your limbs.

[Sam.]

Impressive .

Nice story telling ,only thing is that the middle of the verse was a little confusing ,but the end overshadowed it ,nice flow and some really intelligent multis .

Signed the bitch up for fucking e-school,
Had her communicate with some of the people,
Taught her to fire a weapon, she was lethal,

Liked this the most .

This was better than your prev drops 'cuz of the story telling mainly .

[J.R.]

Thanks man, been working on my flow and multis, means alot.

BShady X McSam,

Or Lyrical Trinity X McSam,

Needs to happen.

[Sam.]

Sure !

Let me finish some of my prev work[ at me, i barely have time sadly ] and the collab with Fa-Q ,then w'll do some shitz .

[J.R.]

Sure !

Let me finish some of my prev work[ at me, i barely have time sadly ] and the collab with Fa-Q ,then w'll do some shitz .

Okay, Well, since the LMII track is almost done, and then it's c.r.e.a.m's song on the EP, and then mine, I might see if you can get on mine.

[Sam.]

I'll hit you up when i am done with those .

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

story was kinda boring to me tbh. you completely drifted away from the point of the story at points. also a little choppy.

Flow- 1 (out of 2) choppy
content- 1 (out of 2) did nothing for me honestly
rhymes- 1 (out of 3) you had some nice multies, but only one inner rhyme. nothing too complex or impressive here
structure- 1 (out of 3) no real structure, the lines were kinda sporadic

Overall- 4 out of 10

this is just my rating system ive come up with. keep at it tho and think about the above 4 when making your next piece.

my two pennies

[J.R.]

buump

[JamaicanPattlez]

story was kinda boring to me tbh. you completely drifted away from the point of the story at points. also a little choppy.

Flow- 1 (out of 2) choppy
content- 1 (out of 2) did nothing for me honestly
rhymes- 1 (out of 3) you had some nice multies, but only one inner rhyme. nothing too complex or impressive here
structure- 1 (out of 3) no real structure, the lines were kinda sporadic

Overall- 4 out of 10

this is just my rating system ive come up with. keep at it tho and think about the above 4 when making your next piece.

my two pennies

This basically. I wasn't really hooked at all, and I couldn't flow well with it. It was alright, but work on it more.