unlikable

[Ka0t1c]

i'm an unlikable psycho
but i'm not quite suicidal
i recite on the mic
no quotes from the Bible
but about fightin for my rights
cuz i want my own title
now i record what i write
til my eyeballs roll inside of my skull
like the spokes on a bike
i've been ghost ridin my world
since i've broken my lightbulb
and there's no opening new life
it's a roller coaster ride now
down the hole nobody goes to drive
i'm all alone i found
when i dial on the phone i get no reply
i will spiral below in my own denial
til i can climb up this giant hill before i die
because that's my style

link of feed:http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122090

[Sam.]

I liked the rhyme scheme on this one ,was a little diff but flowed smoothly ,

Only thing the bars where a little short but that's okay,nice drop man .

[Ka0t1c]

yeah, i agree the bars are short, that just means this is unfinished... i should add more into it somehow later, thanx for the feedback

[Sam.]

IMO there is no big deal with short bars/lines ,as long you get what your saying across ,it hardly matters ,just look at some Dr.Dre's for eg. recent one's, they are short yet manage to deliver the message .

[JamaicanPattlez]

i'm an unlikable psycho
but i'm not quite suicidal
i recite on the mic
no quotes from the Bible
but about fightin for my rights
cuz i want my own title
now i record what i write
til my eyeballs roll inside of my skull
like the spokes on a bike
i've been ghost ridin my world
since i've broken my lightbulb
and there's no opening new life
it's a roller coaster ride now
down the hole nobody goes to drive
i'm all alone i found
when i dial on the phone i get no reply
i will spiral below in my own denial
til i can climb up this giant hill before i die
because that's my style

link of feed:http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122090

Small bars, but flowed pretty well! Nice job.

[Slim Fiasco]

Yeah, plus short bars are better than those that get too long. I hate when there are too many syllables on one loop.

[Ka0t1c]

cool, i like writing like this as well, it's easier for most people to read and understand my flow at the same time