VBV & EyeQ - Hip Hop Hospital

[EyeQ200]

(Biggie Sample)
I swear i just want to slit my wrists and end this bullshit,
Slit my wrists and end this bullshit

(EyeQ)
Awoken with my heart pounding, listening with the surround sound in
The blood and wounds bounded, burning sensations around skin
Bleedin', staring up to the spinning ceiling, i'm feeling weak
on pins falling asleep, eye's bled dry, not letting a fella weep,
The develish accapella speaks, I'm starting to drift off,
lift off, the gift of life finally taking a shift off...

-Heart Beating-

(EyeQ)
I'm light headed, the room slightly embedded like a memory,
white beds, white sheets, said to be psychic energy,
god please, i sob on my knees, did i make it to heaven?
I could chill here for years twenty two divided by seven.
I come to my senses, shifting my eyes across the room,
I knew'em, from where? Thoughts begining to toss and bloom.
Stopping for a second, my depression was gone,
The room had no agression, just acception, it was wrong,
A jam session was in progression, patients mirroring profession,
it left a deep impression, i had to act on, to test them,
Pushing myself to limits, i never thought existed,
Better than all on the ward, you can't be taught gifted.
My wounds had gone, i felt at home with my new family,
Elevated and known but is ignorance what they handed me?
They damaged me, my soul, but i wasn't ready to let go
my wounds opened up, wet skull, bed swallowed me like a black hole

(Hook)
No matter where i turn (The shadows are watching)
No matter where i run (The halls are never ending)
No matter where i hide (You can't hide from big brother)
No matter where you see (Your always trapped my brother)
X2

(Venom)
Woke up in the dark, smelling like the earths dirt
Mind filled with nothing but curse words
Even my nerves hurt, but that wasn't my concern first
I notice people in the shadows, they reek of weed & tobacco
Their weakened rasp throats reciting the most intricate rhymes i've ever heard
In an instant I realized a better verse
From the shit I was fed on a daily basis as a crazy patient
Then a realization had me strangely awakened, left me enraged & baffled
These people were chained & shackled, caged like animals
Mere children with the brains of adults
If I don't escape soon i'll become just like them
Infinite potential held back in vice grips
Tightened, forcing me to wallow in my sorrows
Full of life & hope, but it's like i'm hollow in the morgue though
Alive & kicking with 2 dead legs, running in circles
Blood cells turn to a red plague, nothing is certain..

(Hook)
No matter where i turn (The shadows are watching)
No matter where i run (The halls are never ending)
No matter where i hide (You can't hide from big brother)
No matter where you see (Your always trapped my brother)
X2

(EyeQ)
I'm cold and heartless, when i shout no one answers,
Glass in my feet, brain cells morphing into cells of cancers,
Strapped into the bed, only my right arms free from restraint
They want me to write rhymes, my corpse shocked to not feel faint
One electric bolt too much, sharpened the pencil and cut the straps
pulled the wires from my brain tensing and they shut down to collapse
I shouted freedom at last, but the other zombies weren't listening
the wall opened and a out came a swarm of killer bees glistening
I ran to the closest door, a patient had stabbed me in the back
Filled him with pencil led, hit the door with a grabbed shoe rack,
I sighted the pillar that kept the hospital in place,
It was a vein of nuclear energy, a six by six spine brace.
Explosions from the ceiling, many hooks fell and peirced my body
Took hold of a loose one, reached pain at its worst as i disembodied
I got off the hook, lungs ripped open, i cut the life line
strangled myself with it and let the knife in my back intwine

(Hook)
No matter where i turn (The shadows are watching)
No matter where i run (The halls are never ending)
No matter where i hide (You can't hide from big brother)
No matter where i go (Your always trapped my brother)
X2

(Eminem Sample)
Oh, you didn't know fame has a price too?
That your just now seeing the downside too?


Feedback from both of is here:
http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=119196

[VenomBlackViper]

Great way to end off the third verse

"i cut the life line strangled myself with it"

great line.

Only thing i'd change is the chorus whispers like I said, but aside from that it come out perfect. I like the sample you added at the end too.

[EyeQ200]

We can change that now before feed back if you like, i don't suppose it matters a WHOLE lot on a text peice though

[VenomBlackViper]

We can change that now before feed back if you like, i don't suppose it matters a WHOLE lot on a text peice though

Yeah it really doesn't & i'm too lazy anyways lol, fuck it.

[the real slim shady]

i like the first few lines;

Awoken with my heart pounding, listening with the surround sound in
The blood and wounds bounded, burning sensations around skin
Bleedin', staring up to the spinning ceiling, i'm feeling weak
on pins falling asleep, eye's bled dry, not letting a fella weep...

nice lyrics

venom's verse was pretty nice to read through (not nice as in pleasant, but nice as in good), the first lines were good, probably because it flows quite well

Woke up in the dark, smelling like the earths dirt
Mind filled with nothing but curse words
Even my nerves hurt, but that wasn't my concern first

the end of venom's verse is interesting too

then i like the last few linesof eyeQ's second verse, but maybe it was a bit... crowded is the word im gonna go with... one or 2 things to many for me to try and work out while i read through it, brain overload


overall i like the lyrics, the idea and the flow, i personally dont think to much of samples being used in songs, but i see how it works here.

please note im tired while im writing this, so if it doesnt make sense... blame my cat for keeping me up all of last night

[Sam.]

This collab is fire ,straight out fire ,believe me of all the pieces i have read [excluding the one's by Arshaq(yeah a lil baised)] this one really blew my mind , "IQ" dominated this one with a dope ass 1st verse supported by an equally dope 2nd verse by venom,y'll need to collab more d00d's ,keep at it.


#Respect.

[classthe_king]

Alright, honestly the imagery was pretty good, along with the lyricism. But there wasn't anything to capture the reader. Nothing happened in the first two verses and then on the third verse it picked up but it was hard to follow what was happening. You just need to work on your story telling ability.

[EyeQ200]

i like the first few lines;

Awoken with my heart pounding, listening with the surround sound in
The blood and wounds bounded, burning sensations around skin
Bleedin', staring up to the spinning ceiling, i'm feeling weak
on pins falling asleep, eye's bled dry, not letting a fella weep...

nice lyrics

Thanks, Wasn't sure whether to have an intro but i didn't want it in the first verse, so glad i put it there

then i like the last few linesof eyeQ's second verse, but maybe it was a bit... crowded is the word im gonna go with

Reading through i see that now, i couldnt really convert it fully from my mind to the page.

This collab is fire ,straight out fire ,believe me of all the pieces i have read [excluding the one's by Arshaq(yeah a lil baised)] this one really blew my mind , "IQ" dominated this one with a dope ass 1st verse supported by an equally dope 2nd verse by venom,y'll need to collab more d00d's ,keep at it.
#Respect.

Fire? Always is when me and Venom get together! *Head Swells* but yeah i like working with him and i had this concept and decided that he would definitely be the best person to collaborate on it with! So props to him for taking the time for this

Alright, honestly the imagery was pretty good, along with the lyricism. But there wasn't anything to capture the reader. Nothing happened in the first two verses and then on the third verse it picked up but it was hard to follow what was happening. You just need to work on your story telling ability.

Thanks for the feed, i thought it pretty much made sense but if it didn't capture your attention i'm sorry and i'll try to improve on that and story telling, cheers

The imagery on this piece is the best thing about it, it gives an awesome lift to the enjoyability .. When I first entered this thread I thought "No way i'm gonna read all that shit!" but you guys kept me going with your imagery

Word, we were aiming for vivid imagery, it's been a long time coming.

Q you had a lot of quotables on this one, your storytelling on the third verse was awesome and I think you improved on that side of writing a lot, you definitely should do more storytelling tracks. And your flow and multis improved in a really blatant way since you first started, and you didn't drop more than 10 pieces, I had to write more than 50 verse to get below your level.

I think it's around about 5 peices lmao, under 10 verses though, thanks for the feed bro, appreciate it

[DƎRDYPK]

I feel mindfucked after reading this

EyeQ this is the 1st time I'v read any of your work and I'm impressed
I really liked your verses on here, especially the 2nd cause you left creepy picture in my mind with it
Vemon your verse was killer too, the 1st few bars reminded me of something I'd hear in an old Cage song

real nice piece
would deffinitley like to read more from you 2

[EyeQ200]

would definitely like to read more from you 2

The public has spoken.

[ArsheyHaq]

Wow, you two make a good duo (and this is coming from someone who's favorite person to collab with is VBV). Your two styles are very similar, but with different perspectives, so it comes together very nicely The concept is a little blurry to me though. Not quite sure what to make of it. And the samples were kind of random, but I can see how they might work.

EyeQ200, you have stepped your game up a LOT since I last read a piece by you. This was very well-written and there are a lot of in-rhymes and multies I'm catching, still, right now as I read it over and over again. Maybe I'll go back and highlight some for the readers cuz I know no way they've caught them all either. There were some rhymes where you had an extra syllable or two, so it threw it off, but with a little more practice I know you'll have that down. Also, some very good story telling by you. My favorite lines would have to be the first few lines for the rhyming:

"I'm light headed, the room slightly embedded like a memory,
white beds, white sheets, said to be psychic energy,
god please, i sob on my knees, did i make it to heaven? "

AND like someone else said, the finisher:

"I got off the hook, lungs ripped open, i cut the life line
strangled myself with it and let the knife in my back intwine"

VBV, your rhymes are still crazy good, but now they're complemented with a better flow. I know a lot of people were complaining about that with your previous pieces, but you came back with an impeccable smoothness on this one. The first few lines reminded me wayy too much of Em's 'We're Still #1' "freestyle"--the whole "curse words" and "nerves hurt" rhyme scheme. Were you channeling him a little bit during that? Anyways, whatever. My favorite part in your verse, hands down, were these lines:

"From the shit I was fed on a daily basis as a crazy patient
Then a realization had me strangely awakened, left me enraged & baffled
These people were chained & shackled, caged like animals
Mere children with the brains of adults"

That's the flow I was talking about--amazing. And those rhymes combined with the vivid story-telling was too good. You only had one verse, but you made the most of it and came just as hard as EyeQ200, who had roughly 2 1/2 verses. Had you been given the chance for another verse you just might have Renegaded this collab haha

[Ka0t1c]

yeah, i was feeling venom's verse the best

this section stood out the most imo:

I notice people in the shadows, they reek of weed & tobacco
Their weakened rasp throats reciting the most intricate rhymes i've ever heard
In an instant I realized a better verse
From the shit I was fed on a daily basis as a crazy patient
Then a realization had me strangely awakened, left me enraged & baffled
These people were chained & shackled, caged like animals
Mere children with the brains of adults

[EyeQ200]

Thanks Arshey, I know there's still a ton of improvements that can be made, but as you said I think I've come quite a far way in few verses, hopefully I can keep improving, and yeah haha I honestly expected to get renegaded anyway but I'm glad I wasn't renegaded but but if I'm outshined by anyone I don't mind it being Venom

Kaotic. Thanks?