Bein in my state of mind

[Ka0t1c]

link of feedback: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=121992&start=15

Bein in my state of mind aint safe
cuz there may be some time where you can't find your place
and then you just might decide you're obliged to hide your face
by tryin to rewrite your traits
on each and every line til it's like the final page
of what you're feelin inside which isn't even slightly fake
cuz it's real, no lie, you will see it's your life to thank
from the evil which pries thru the eyes of a snake
but don't kneel, tho he's sly, reveal why you are great
hero, maintain your arrow straight thru the narrow gates
to escape barely scraped, don't yield or hesitate
take zero wait or it may be too late to brake
levitate and elevate, rid the pressure plates to accel a better rate
separate yourself from the other days of never playin
well now i'm sayin detonate, that'll be the best prank
bring the mayhem point blank

[BumShiv]

damn i really liked that shit bro. felt like the first 3 lines were too basic rhyming wise but the rest of it was great

by tryin to rewrite your traits
on each and every line til it's like the final page
of what you're feelin inside which isn't even slightly fake
cuz it's real, no lie, you will see it's your life to thank
from the evil which pries thru the eyes of a snake

really liked those line overall, great piece

please feed when you can
viewtopic.php?f=69&t=121970

[JamaicanPattlez]

Nice work here! Flow could be a bit better, but really nice internal rhyming. Good job!

Could you return the favor? Thanks.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122239 (Rage of a Pen)

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=122265 (Crazy Afternoons)

[Ka0t1c]

thanx man, i'm glad u like it overall.

[FlintSpark]

I really like the internal rhyming in this one just couldn't flow as well as possible for me, but then again I'm new to the whole flow thing. Nice verse/piece