The Underworld

[Man1x]

Feed Link: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=120664&p=1727466#p1727466


Sitting here with gun in hand/
This is all part of his stunnin' plan/
Mind like a plane that hasn't landed on the runnin' pad/
Cause it is constantly being cunningly fast/
Blast from your funny past! His gun has taken another life/
Was able to shaken a hunter to cries/
Revenge is a sly gunner that lies/
Able to stand minds, stable the land he finds/
Became a fabled man of crimes that commits murders/
He heard her coming so he took his burner/
Burned her, turned her over and slapped her/
And adapt their views of crazy laughter/
Everyday gets sadder, cause everything gets worse/
Let my emotions loose and my voice went hoarse/
Without a set course, I forced myself to stand on my two speedy feet/
I'm going to defeat the few elites/
Going on retreats, I need to recapture my sanity/
Can it be? Sand in the sea is as common as people standing free/
Handing me their ideas of imagination?/
However, I still see the sad stride to stations/
Full of patience they stay facing the oppressors with open hands/
Same people walking around the street like "Got dope, man?"/
They are as low as can be in this moment/
Cause their pride, they sold it/
Now others hold it and they seem like they never ate/
In their minds they are heavyweights/
But really they endeavor hate/
Cause they measured late in their clever state/
Never rate severed gates/
Cause when the lever breaks there no longer is a path/
Stronger is the apathy these mongers in a wrath/
Will feel, hopefully they will ditch their monster of a past/

Any advice Is appreciated, I think I did 16 bars not sure. Is that how many bars are in a song total or a verse alone?

[FlintSpark]

Solid rhyming and piece, structure just seemed weird to me for some reason. I don't know probably just me but good piece

[Man1x]

Thanks, both of two! @Cream I know that flow stuttered there and ill expand my lines cause I'm not writing to beats yet as I don't know, as of now, how to do that