Nah

[Alex2012]

you listened too Relapse, but it was really.... good.

[ArsheyHaq]

LOL this was actually really good A lot of witty, funny lines. Your rhyming continues to improve. I liked that you attempted multies all the way through. Also, it progressed really well and didn't get too redundant. That was always one thing I had a complaint with before is that you would place lines in that felt like they were REALLY out of place or there just for rhyming sake. You had none of that here. I liked your rhyming here probably the best:

"Great, after I did that i'll guide you this trick
If you fitted your whole throat inside of my dick
I'll bring you rice and chicken,"

A nice little attempt at in-rhyming. BUT the line right after it didn't seem to rhyme much:

"I'll bring you rice and chicken, cause I know that you're hungry
That is of course, if my sperm didn't give you enough meals"

Or maybe I'm just not hearing/reading it right.

And these lines had me literally laughing out loud:

"Now, i'll do the basic shit, lay back on your back
Show your ass, i'll slide my cock in so relax! don't crap in your pants!"

"Nope ? It's a shame cause you are my favorite
Taste this bullet in your anus, now. See you in the afterlife, you lame bitch
Safe trip!
(Boom)"

Haha, good work

[EG.]

I love rice & chicken. Did a good job, I lol'd

[PeNGuiN ZoMbiE]

i dont get this..
how do you fit someones throat inside your dick?
and whats up with the rice and chicken?

[ArsheyHaq]

i dont get this..
how do you fit someones throat inside your dick?
and whats up with the rice and chicken?

Haha I didn't notice that when I first read it. Guess I just assumed he said dick inside her throat.

[Sam.]

Good thing that you tried your hands with different themes/approach,you were successful at this, idk but no one ever mentioned this but imma tell you ,i have read many of your works and they tend to slightly stretched / outta place and the rest of the verse used to cover up for that ,but this was not the case here ,maybe because this was a story w/e ,in short i mean there was consistency in the whole thing concept wise .

Moving on boy i have to tell ya idc what others say but i tried to flow and suddenly pk's voice came in my mind and i could flow with his way of rapping in mind ,if you have heard any of his songs you would know how he raps and how his flow is so on the flow department i think it's cool .

The story was nice some thing that i would write nice twist of plot too ,i liked that bullet part towards the end,lifts the whole verse to a whole new level and gave it a perfect ending . Props to this bruh !

As ash mentioned about that bar with the attempt-in rhyming ,take it seriously man it could have spoiled the whole mood of the verse .

Keep writing .

[JamaicanPattlez]

I really liked it! Though some bars were hard for me to flow with. Keep it up.

[Man1x]

It was good, maybe you could solve your rhyming problem by rewording your lines? That way they don't come out weird, the only one was the the dick, throat, rick line by the way imo

If you could feedback mine, that'd be awesome:
http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=123848

[Slim Fiasco]

Nice one man, haha.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Oh yeah, feed me back as well? Thanks. viewtopic.php?f=24&t=123753

[Sam.]

Haha thanks guys, and Arshey .. that rhyme was bad I know, I couldn't make anything rhyme except a part of it "Hungry/"nuff-meals". Thanks man!

@PG the whole fitted thing might be wrong but English isn't my first language lol, and rice and chicken were included to display me as a nice rapist - presenting classy food and shit.

Sam thanks for the lengthy feedback! Really appreciate it. and I got some of the influence of this from your pieces haha.

And thanks girls.

Ya ! lol all my drops revolved around this same subject matter .