Suicide

[Blu]

So I was listening to Proof's "Kurt Kobain"
and I just got this weird idea to make a fake suicide letter. Well ladies and gents, here it is:

[Verse 1]
At this very moment I'm alone
I tried to own it, but I'm grown
Thinkin' how I got in this position
I was wishin' for a better life
But this is my final letter, Life
I just feel emptyness
I can't even rhyme
What the fuck is the point?
It feels like the end of time
And everytime the sun rises
My gun rises, placed under my jaw
And all I feel is thunder and awe
It's like, this is my path
And everytime I put it down
I feel the wrath
Of livin' another day on this Earth.
I take it back

[Hook]
I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take it back
But it's too late
I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take it back
But it's too late

[Verse 2]
I feel like Proof when he wrote "Kurt Kobain"
I can hear the song in my head, it hurts, the pain
Just knowin' that I'm sittin' here, going insane
I knew school was important, shoulda started growin' a brain
But I guess every action has a consequence
And I still wonder how mom's been since
Dad passed away, they woulda been proud of me
Here I am, sittin' here
Mr. Rap-superstar sittin' in this broken home
The wife left me, and life continues to upset me
The other day, just lookin' at baby pictures
Of my brothers, and it feels like we're so apart
When was the last time we talked?
Maybe that one night, when he got in that big fight
And the cops were called
I got punched in the lip, bloodied and bruised
Couldn't go to school, I thought I was screwed
'Till us three talked in the room
And he taught me how to write rhymes.
Damn, I'll never forget those times
I take it back

[Hook]
I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take it back
But it's too late
I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take it back
But it's too late

[Man1x]

Good piece through out, loved the multis bro and the flow was dope and consistent until I got to this part:

Here I am, sittin' here
Mr. Rap-superstar sittin' in this broken home
The wife left me, and life continues to upset me
The other day, just lookin' at baby pictures
Of my brothers, and it feels like we're so apart
When was the last time we talked?

I don't know why I just lost it for some reason, might be the way I read it. But other than that it's a solid piece and I love your fast flow.

Keep grinding.

EDIT: Also, the hook could be fixed up a bit imo, it's alright though.

[Blu]

Good piece through out, loved the multis bro and the flow was dope and consistent until I got to this part:

Here I am, sittin' here
Mr. Rap-superstar sittin' in this broken home
The wife left me, and life continues to upset me
The other day, just lookin' at baby pictures
Of my brothers, and it feels like we're so apart
When was the last time we talked?

I don't know why I just lost it for some reason, might be the way I read it. But other than that it's a solid piece and I love your fast flow.

Keep grinding.

EDIT: Also, the hook could be fixed up a bit imo, it's alright though.

Thanks for the feed man.

Thanks, I kinda had a feeling it wouldn't flow to well at that part but I wanted to see what you guys think.

Btw, I didn't make the hook, it's from the song Kurt Kobain by Proof.

Thanks for the feed though man.

[Man1x]

Oh, haha i didn't know thats where the hook is from. Sounds doper with the delivery than on paper.

[Lateralus]

You convey emotion really well in this piece. And it's a cool concept to try out.

The rhyming seems to get a little bit confused in the second verse. As a piece of poetry, I think this is excellent and some of the rhyming techniques you use are really interesting (like the A-B-B-A one you do with talked/night/fight/called). For a rap verse though, I think you need to focus a little more on making the rhyming consistent (like you do for the first six lines of the second verse and for a majority of the first verse). I'd personally try staying on one rhyme scheme for 2-4 lines and then switching rather than using a rhyme twice in one line (like with the "left me" and "upset me").

But yeah, overall, it's a cool piece. Keep up the dopeness!