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Twisted

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Twisted

Postby BigBoss » Sep 4th, '11, 03:43

i made this like almost 2 months ago, i dont usually write things like this (i write more emotional stuff) so tell me what ya think :y:

Walkin through the streets I see a big tit blonde girl with a baby suckin on her teat/
Walk over to her say hi its nice to meet ya my name is pete/
Asked her if I could have a turn but said shes to good for me then called me a creep/
looks like this dyke is full of conceit, I came back later she was just about to leave/
I walked on the tip-toes of my feet following her to Bates hotel on elm street/
At three fifteen am I broke in clean, her and the baby were still sound asleep/
As im walkin through her suite something starts to smell sweet/
I get closer to her room I find out it’s the aroma of this bitches feet/
Walk up the the baby’s room I open the door for a peep, fuck the door creaked/
He starts to cry she walks in to see me then releases a screech/
Bitch hit me then I got pissed, grabbed her then tied her up, then I licked -/
Her face, getting her taste, told her she just ticked- /
Me off stupid bitch shouldn’t have hit me, I told her in my head I can depict/
Me grabbing a knife, having a trip and accidently give her neck a little nick/
bitch shut the fuck up its, only a little prick/
Speaking of my dick, why don’t you hop on this shit/
Don’t throw no fucking hissy fit, bitch I don’t care that you got a kid/
I demand you suck me like a tick, then lemme nut on your tits/
Grab the suture kit, sowed her pussy shut/
Slut shut the fuck up, no one will ever give a fuck/




link of feed viewtopic.php?f=24&t=124536&p=1746139#p1746139
Last edited by BigBoss on Sep 4th, '11, 03:52, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Twisted

Postby BigBoss » Sep 4th, '11, 03:46

Geno wrote:Post a link of feedback man. :y:

And I think you posted this before.


nahhh remember i gave this to you for a text collab but it never hapened :'(

uhh link of feedback? sorry i havent viewed the rules/posted anything here since this place was updated so i have no idea what u mean by that
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Re: Twisted

Postby BigBoss » Sep 4th, '11, 03:50

Geno wrote:Really? You gave this to me? I don't remember why we didn't do something lol.

And you gotta give feedback to someone else before you can ask for feedback.

So go give feedback, then come back and edit the link in where you gave it. :y:

Helps keep the section active, you know?


yea check your messages from july 19 :laughing: :laughing: :'(

kinda stupid but ok :y:
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Re: Twisted

Postby BigBoss » Sep 4th, '11, 03:53

mkay :y:
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Re: Twisted

Postby Man1x » Sep 4th, '11, 04:09

I'd say the lines are too long, there aren't a lot of multis present, but the flow is carried decently by internal rhymes in some parts. :y: Keep it up.
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