Shock Value [TRACK 2/SINGLE 1]

[SG.]

Piss-taking track. Don't take it too seriously.



Link of feed: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=124536

[Intro]

Everybody thinks I'm so wack... I only just fucking started! I'll show them fuckers... *gun loading*

[Verse 1]

When the whole world's against you, what have you got?
When everyone wants to kill you, what have you got?
Take all your favourite raps, mix them up in a pot
Make ballin' so contagious no-one's ever able to stop
Swearing's a sin, but we don't give a fuck, do we?
Blaring noise makes us all argue like juries
Are you gonna go witness the power of Zabie?
Or do you wanna sit there and just cry like a baby?
See
Rapping isn't just for the sake of hurting everybody
Clapping along is our purpose owed to the melody
We fight for empty reasons, then what do we have left?
Be mighty and strong and don't let anyone know you're a chef
They get cooked alive by the fire we spit
If they think of hating, we'll fuck up all their shit
And I'm not stopping today or ever
Because I don't give a fuck, I'm like thundery weather

[Chorus]
I've got so much shock value...
And I don't give a fuck!
If you don't mock our music...
I won't fuck you up!

[Verse 2]
Still here a hook later, I've already locked the door
Billy, you ain't getting out, let me fuck you up some more
Because I just don't want you to leave in a panic
Really I just want to you to see I'm just manic
Crazy people are always more interesting
Than people who always score everything
"Here's an L for that, your multi's are wack"
Well here's a smack for that, and your mum was wack
I don't fight for music, I turn fights into music
I don't like to choose it, but I'll have to just lose it
My problem is I can never take critics lightly
All you do is praise vets and hurt newbies nightly
I don't have to improve, everybody can suck it
I don't want to show you how big my dick is so shove it
2 more lines left, oh what will I write?
You whores like this, but really it's shite

*gunshots* Hahaha!

[Man1x]

You have improved on structure
You have improved on flow somewhat, still needs work though.
Your rhymes have also progressed as well
You final started using multis in this piece, you started halfway through the first verse then it was on and off and in the second one you used them on the end of every line which was good. Next song you should go for 3+ syllables rhymes.

Try more stuff like the second verse cause that's the best ive seen from you yet. Keep grinding and push yourself harder with each one.

[SG.]

I don't have to improve, everybody can suck it

Just kidding. Yeah, I think it's better than the stuff I did before, but I've got another that I think is slightly better. But it's not up to me when that comes out...

[SG.]

No problem. The shock value thing was just a punchline (see "thundery weather"). Maybe not the best title.

And that chef line was pure filler, I'll readily admit that.

[Man1x]

Yea, there wasn't much shock haha, forgot to mention that but your 2 syllable rhymes are a step up from when you were only doing 1. You could have said anything you wanted like Geno said however, it may seem hard to make lines rhyme and work but you'll get used it as far as to the point where you are making 3+ syllable rhymes and saying anything you feel like with ease.

[SG.]

Just to bump this, was there any punchlines that were particularly effective?

[Man1x]

You had a lot of attempts at some deep meaning imo but you never executed it out completely and it came out a little weird. I think your trying to pull of a rhyme in these cases just to have that in there but you lost the meaning of what you wanted to write i think.