The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Love Crimes (feat. Sam. & Zabe)

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Love Crimes (feat. Sam. & Zabe)

Postby Man1x » Sep 7th, '11, 04:05

Eminememy's feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=124762
Sam's feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?p=1747985#p1747985
Zabe: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=124600

[Chorus - Eminememy]

Why am I killin' your kids?
Cause I love you
Why am I silting your wrists?
Cause I love you
Why am spilling your blood
Cause I love you
Don't mistake this for love, I'm
Committing a love crime

[Verse 1 - Zabe]

There ain't no definition of all the crimes I commit
There's always repetition of the same time I flip
Out on you, because you couldn't love me for who I am
Shout at you and always shoving you to make me calm
This isn't what I envisioned when I ended up killing your dad
The shit he said to split us made me willing to stab
I went down to his basement and found a used dildo
Turns out he was fucking you, swallowing your pills so
I fucking shot him, right in the fuckin head
I sat down in a chair and waited until his head bled
OK, I'm sorry, I fucked your mom while I was there
Look, sweetie, I'm fine, don't run away scared
Let's rob a bank, shoot a priest, kill a whole country
If you do this stuff with me, it'll always show you love me
If we've only got a few more seconds left
Let's commit in a matrimony of love crimes and sudden death

[Chorus - Eminememy]

Why am I killin' your kids?
Cause I love you
Why am I silting your wrists?
Cause I love you
Why am spilling your blood
Cause I love you
Don't mistake this for love, I'm
Committing a love crime

[Verse 2 - Sam]

Big city ,big lights you came here to make your nest right ,
seeing what it had to offer ,coudn't stop thanking jesus christ,
overwhelmed by over-night succces dreams your inner actress cried,
with closed eyes you ignored that false-ness prize,
sold yourself for fame wasn't probably a best buy,
coudn't stop your agents advances ,even though lust lies ,
treated as a fiend ,now you confess this tears to the sun rise ,
made it to your apartment room but i was in for a sur-prise ,
your my obsession ,dare he touch you ,now he must die ,
pulled him of you and stabbed him in the guts tight ,
chopped him and left the pieces on the floor taking dust bites,
while your impatient toes depicted what relief was like ,
her hugs relieves the fact that i won this trust fight ,
let me lick blood of your naked body ,she says "yeah !it's just fine",
w'll dispose of the body later cuz now we have enough time ,
to have sex together and commit some love crimes .

[Verse 3 - Eminememy]

Yo, Sam, I’m above crimes, but dawg, I love your lines
Everyone else don’t wast my time, I can fucking rhyme!
But every now n’ again, I commit some love crimes
Now heres a story of mine, we all know GameTheory
Love him to death but he isn’t the same guy as Cream
So he’s now hanged on a tree, I know his fate is funny
But we all share this creepy dream, lucky I didn’t shred you
Don’t know where I’d fled to, blood and shit draws feds, dude
What would that have led too? Well, after your sad lynching
I went to your house and burst into laughter in your kitchin
The wife was fucking bitching, so I had to start shooting
It turned into a thong looting, but that’s another story
It’s just another summer fury created by a lover like me
Eminememy is a cover for peace, man, I just loved these lines
But the shit I just did is what I defined as a love crime

[Chorus 2X - Eminememy]

Why am I killin' your kids?
Cause I love you
Why am I silting your wrists?
Cause I love you
Why am spilling your blood
Cause I love you
Don't mistake this for love, I'm
Committing a love crime
Last edited by Man1x on Sep 10th, '11, 21:46, edited 8 times in total.
#TeamK.Dot
#TeamYeezy
#TeamBigM
Image
User avatar
Man1x
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4980
Joined: May 27th, '11, 04:02

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby Man1x » Sep 7th, '11, 04:07

Ight, this is not completed yet. Zabe still will write a verse but this is what we got so far and we don't know when he will finished cause he got a lot of school work. On topic, Sam you fucking murked me on this one, if we ever collaborate I'm going have to try to rip you a new one.
#TeamK.Dot
#TeamYeezy
#TeamBigM
Image
User avatar
Man1x
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4980
Joined: May 27th, '11, 04:02

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby Sam. » Sep 7th, '11, 14:12

Eminememy wrote:Ight, this is not completed yet. Zabe still will write a verse but this is what we got so far and we don't know when he will finished cause he got a lot of school work. On topic, Sam you fucking murked me on this one, if we ever collaborate I'm going have to try to rip you a new one.

:y:
Don't get the wrong Idea ,ur verse was good too ,actually seeing the title instantly clicked this story that i had in my mind .

Yeah ! we should collab more some day when i drop my solo shit . [ :coffee: at me for being lazy]
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby Man1x » Sep 8th, '11, 04:04

Haha yea, next time we collab I'm going take more time with the verse :y: School took away my time, but I hope you get your solo out too. We need to go begging for feedback now it seems.... :facepalm2
#TeamK.Dot
#TeamYeezy
#TeamBigM
Image
User avatar
Man1x
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4980
Joined: May 27th, '11, 04:02

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby Sam. » Sep 8th, '11, 13:23

Eminememy wrote:Haha yea, next time we collab I'm going take more time with the verse :y: School took away my time, but I hope you get your solo out too. We need to go begging for feedback now it seems.... :facepalm2

All the pieces that i have fed in the Past :coffee: no one fucking returns the favor .
Bump .
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby Sam. » Sep 8th, '11, 18:41

GameTheory wrote:Hahahahaha lol :worship:

Great piece by both of you, Eminememy this is probably the best verse I've ever seen from you (no bias :shifty: ) .. You're improving fast as fuck, and your structure was unorganized but flowed awesome. Good shit. :y:

Sam, great shit, I don't really know how to feed this but it flowed like a charm, great lines too. Awesome shit

Great work yaw'll. :y:

Thanks man .
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby SG. » Sep 8th, '11, 19:40

I swear my verse will be finished either later tonight or tomorrow. I swear.
Image
Menzo wrote:Lmao, you gotta love Zabe / SG...guy's so underrated.

StayWideAwake wrote:"Naturally handicapped, until proven intentionally retarded"
User avatar
SG.
The Watcher
The Watcher
 
Posts: 4794
Joined: Jul 21st, '11, 21:07
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (2/3 Finished)

Postby Man1x » Sep 8th, '11, 20:39

@ GameTheoy, thanks haha I hope you liked it.
@ Zabe, no worries bro, take your time.
#TeamK.Dot
#TeamYeezy
#TeamBigM
Image
User avatar
Man1x
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4980
Joined: May 27th, '11, 04:02

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby SG. » Sep 8th, '11, 21:29

Boom, done!
Image
Menzo wrote:Lmao, you gotta love Zabe / SG...guy's so underrated.

StayWideAwake wrote:"Naturally handicapped, until proven intentionally retarded"
User avatar
SG.
The Watcher
The Watcher
 
Posts: 4794
Joined: Jul 21st, '11, 21:07
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby Sam. » Sep 8th, '11, 21:46

Zabe wrote:Boom, done!

Damn ! that was dope .
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby SG. » Sep 8th, '11, 21:59

Thanks for the feed. I was trying your writing technique, then after about 2 seconds said "fuck it" and just wrote. If school wasn't annoying the hell outta me I would've stuck with your technique.
Image
Menzo wrote:Lmao, you gotta love Zabe / SG...guy's so underrated.

StayWideAwake wrote:"Naturally handicapped, until proven intentionally retarded"
User avatar
SG.
The Watcher
The Watcher
 
Posts: 4794
Joined: Jul 21st, '11, 21:07
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby Sam. » Sep 8th, '11, 22:08

Geno wrote:I lot of rhymes in this piece are forced imo. Some of it doesn't even rhyme actually.

Zabe, you had good inner multies and rhymes, but the ends of some of your lines didn't even rhyme. "am / calm" don't rhyme very well, unless you have some kind of accent I don't know about.

Sam, I was disappointed you only used a 2 syllable rhyme the whole way through. And you say my rhyming is weak at the end of my bars. You told your story fine though.

Eminenemy, your's got better as it went along. I felt it started off a little weak with repetitive vocab. Dope hook btw, I can imagining it being sung by a girl (no offense) over a dark beat with some bad ass harpsichord in the beat.

Keep it up and keep practicing. Also, I loved the concept. :y:


Was gonna make it a 3 syllable Rhyme Scheme but it started to seem a little forced so i settled for two and also the story that i had in my mind was going hay wire with that man .

Thanks for feed Gennette .
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby Man1x » Sep 8th, '11, 22:17

@ Zabe, imo that was your best verse

And, Geno I know it was little weak. I spent more time on the hook probably but that's because i made the hook before my school started and I had to put my verse together real fast to meet the deadline I set. Thanks for feedback, and I couldn't imagine myself singing this hook either really.
#TeamK.Dot
#TeamYeezy
#TeamBigM
Image
User avatar
Man1x
Under The Influence
Under The Influence
 
Posts: 4980
Joined: May 27th, '11, 04:02

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby Sam. » Sep 8th, '11, 22:23

Damn ! the focus of the feed around here is always only on the rhymes and nothing more ,what about the actual verse ,multis aren't always Imp you know ,no shots fired at anyone .

Just waiting for some one some thing more cuz Gennette already mentioned about the rhymes . :flower:
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
Image
Image
User avatar
Sam.
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 16630
Joined: Jun 7th, '10, 11:10
Location: India
Gender: Male

Re: Love Crimes (Finished)

Postby J.R. » Sep 8th, '11, 23:07

You think your sorry for your lovely yet murderous actions?
I'm sorry, Your betrayal is definitely gonna cause a fatal reaction,
Love crimes? LOVE CRIMES? You think this is a love crime, you should see my ex,
Tough times? TOUGH TIMES? You think this is a tough time, You should see me snapping necks!
Hahaha, I like the blood from your wrist, Let's bind it with mine,
Hahaha, Bud, I'll cause more than a slit, Blinded by love crimes,
Lost track of your blood loss, you could die,
Criminal mastermind dies, But I would cry!



Lmao, Not even gonna try. Just messing. Dope piece though, Bros. :y:
Image
User avatar
J.R.
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2045
Joined: May 8th, '11, 18:38
Gender: Male

Next

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users