Seven

[Spyder]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=124226



Heaven and Hell is all perception I have met-with so well,
As far as levels ive been to all seven of hell.
First of course is birth, but the second lets tell,
The common case of lost my faith and the devil prevails.
In extra detail, I can believe somethin that doesn’t make sense
But my days changed and became such troubled ways spent.
Changed from “the lord blessed me” to more “detests me”
To non-important, just me, to never mind he forgets me.
The third task that I fear was harassment from peers
If you ask-me id gladly kick their ass to their ears,
Tormented daily for not smokin grass or grabbin a beer
Look at my reflection, step-back-n smash all the mirrors.
A bunch of jocks, who evidently thought they were tough
And a bunch of sluts who wanted cocks up their cunts.
But fuck them, the fourth im sure all you say can relate
When you buy food on credit and the payment is late,
I don’t got cash, and wont soon so another change of the date
Til the banks starts realizing that they made a mistake,
To take a gamble on you. Now your fuckin credit is maxed
So your sit stressed, head in your lap depressed from all that.
But we all got money problems lets be more specific,
The fifth this shit will knock you to the floor in a minute.
Im sure you all know but im gonna say so the facts are known
I was on sleeping pills, basically addicted to trazadone.
Wasn’t so nice, shit fucked up my life daily
Increased my hormones so there goes my chance of a nice lady.
Want my nine baby? Ya right, crazy. Didn’t work
I wasn’t tryin to be vile I just ended up gettin hurt.
Walked around like a zombie in a state of paranoia
My advice on sleeping pills, stay away they’ll destroy ya.
Now the sixth level is the regular two-timed shit
Just didn’t know after all my shit that who id get.
Everything was perfect it was worth-it, apart from the strange
Ways she dodge when id wanna hang and got on my case.
This novice dancer gave me lots of question I wanted answers
But when I man replied I started feelin sick like common cancer.
Said he was at Basic but they been dating for months,
Taken pics naked, then later tradin em up.
But fuck them too, the Seventh is my Apnea Mask
Can you picture wakin up without air and actually gasp,
I have. Throat collapses until your struggle from air
Its like I risk my life when I get under cover so ya,
Makes sense why im pissed off and tired
Use to be the one the kids all admired but shits all expired.
So whats left, ill just sit a pissed off writer
Til my wrist gets tired and brittle with this authorities.

[Spyder]

really?

[Sam.]

This is what I like about you clever usage of rhymes and sentense formation .The 1st four bars were really witty .I liked how you put it together in those set of bars.

In extra detail, I can believe somethin that doesn’t make sense
But my days changed and became such troubled ways spent.
Changed from “the lord blessed me” to more “detests me”
To non-important, just me, to never mind he forgets me.

^ The flow on here was perfect ,if we take the overall picture the flow was okay and I can take the liberty in saying that it had a great resemblence to Slugs flow .

The seven levels depited some raw feelings that were not that hard to understand as to what you were trying to say because the message was simple and you delivered it perfectly .

If you have time hit me back .
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=125784

[Spyder]

awesome man thanks

ill feed when i get a min to sit

[Mr.DGAF]

This is very impressive. Took me a couple reads just because of the length to fully understand everything going on here. But man, it was awesome. The rhyming was superb, the flow was great through most all of the parts, and never really slacked off at all. The lines are very cleverly set up, which is something that I know must take a lot of time.

Just a really good peice, both with the message and with technique.

[Spyder]

thanks man.

havent seen ya on here, enjoy the place

[Mr.DGAF]

thanks man.

havent seen ya on here, enjoy the place

Yeah man, just joined writing about two weeks ago. Feel free to feed my peice, if you want.

http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=125972