As We Did As Children (feat. Eminememy, Mr. DGAF & Sekou)

[SG.]

[TRACK 3]



Collab with Eminememy, Mr. DGAF and Sekou.

[Chorus - Zabe]

Here we are repenting
For the sins we're representing
As we did as children
Because we kept on fightin

[Verse 1 - Mr. DGAF]

In my younger years, my mom would shun my hunger
So I had to be a stunner if I’d wanna have supper
“You’re dad hates you hunter” well fuck my mother
I don’t need your help bitch, so I yelled out “Fuck her”
Bailed out quicker stealing pints of dads liquor
Failed ‘bout every damn test, I could wish for
My brother was a mothers boy, 
Her little fucking ball of joy 
Got him every doll or toy
Left me to be all annoyed
But the problem, she’d avoid
Found a bottle, filled that void
Skilled or not, I’m always yours
And I will always put you first
Better or worse, you’ll always be my momma
But I’ll never forget, and neither will karma

[Verse 2 - Zabe]

In a broken home, who discovers the crack?
Taken away from my home, never coming back
My past, my present, my future is gone
All that's left is a notepad as I go alone
We fought for many things, but never togetherness
For my only share of my dad's will was grief, I'm tetherless
Why would I try to salvage a family
When all we have left is savage insanity
I ain't trying to diss no-one, neither sister nor mother
We never got along, see, women hate each other
And men hate them ever more, that's why my dad was a pal
Sitting on the computer, nickname SadBastard shall
Not take disses from anyone no more
Kids in school are evil, either dickheads or whores
I guess after 15 years, when all's said and done
My life's been shit as the Devil's human son

[Chorus - Zabe]

Here we are repenting
For the sins we're representing
As we did as children
Because we kept on fightin

[Verse 3 - Eminememy]

Ya, I keep on fighting for freedom writing/
Ever since I caught the creeps come spying/
The dumb are dying for the sins of the past/
Slim played in class, skipped, stayed in last/
But ripped my pen fast, across the paper it went/
Projecting my sins, promised that later I’ll vent/
Done helping my kin, barley paying my rent/
The sun shown in the dim, no more praying for Kent/
Superman is slaying my threats, writing the present/
Hiding a pleasant surprise the peasants despise/
The possibility for a potentially happy and evident life/
Reflecting sin and strife from my childhood memories/
I no longer carry these, lasting longer than shady/
Now I’m a father, hurting anyone who wrong my baby/
Write a song today? Maybe, every word of which is repenting/
Representing a greater 'cause, bitch I’m relenting/

[Verse 4 - Sekou]

Uh, I'll forever remember them as the best days/
Always skipped school to hang in the park and get blazed/
Thinkin' shit's cool, throwing in my Eminem tape and pressed play/
All I really worried 'bout was how the hell to get laid/
Oh, and how to afford another pair of Nike's/
Lookin' fresh with my Yankees hat, wearing nice jeans/
I had two of the best buddies I was rollin with/
Same buddies that would follow me to the park to smoke a spliff/
And when my mama complained, I told her 'bout how I didn't owe her shit/
But as the days passed I stayed in the same class and my buddies dropped out/
So we stopped hangin', 'cause they had to get a fucking job now/
I stayed in school, thinkin' what the fuck for?/
'Cause everytime I got another bad grade there was an uproar/
Couldn't wait to be grown and have all responsibility/
Maybe be a rapper and have people scream at concerts feelin' me/
But soon enough my mind shifted back to thoughts of misery/
I knew I deserved better, if only God had sympathy/
Seems like it was yesterday when I just wanted to be grown and I would have given anything/
And now here I am, looking back on everything/

[Chorus - Zabe]

Here we are repenting
For the sins we're representing
As we did as children
Because we kept on fightin

[Spoken Outro - Eminememy]

Man, we all go through trails and tribulations but what your life comes to depends on your patience and what you make of it, don't ever give up on your dreams. It gets better, you just got to look through the bad weather. Keep your heads up.

Links of feed

Zabe: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=118421&p=1751775#p1751775
Eminememy: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=118421&start=15
Mr. DGAF: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=124762
Sekou: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=125178&p=1752255#p1752255

[Man1x]

@Mr. DGAF I liked your verse, it was interesting, stayed on topic, and the rhyming was good. I could feel the emotion.

@Zabe, your verse was good too, it too stayed on topic, had better rhyming than your other posts, you had some really good ones but you had a bad one:

My past, my present, my future is gone
All that's left is a notepad as I go alone

I didn't find the rhyme to transition from the end rhyme but some reason it still flowed well enough that it didn't detract from your verse. I really liked your broken home line, really creative. Your hook was alright though, it got the message across alright but I felt it could have had more emotion and more complex rhyme structure.

@Sekuo, I liked your verse, nice imagery and it had it had decent rhymes, it had emotion as well, but some one the lines were a little long, you managed to carry the flow in these parts with internal rhymes for the most part but I think you could have executed some lines better.

Good job, guys. I really liked reading all your verses. Keep writing Now, if someone could feedback my verse that'd be awesome. Also I'd like to add that I thought'd I'd murder some of you, I think y'all killed me

[Man1x]

Bump

[SG.]

@Mr. DGAF Very passionate verse. Loved the way you positioned the alcohol in the verse.

@Eminememy Dope shit as always, but Icouldn't help feeling you were being too metaphorical.

@Sekou Very good verse for a first-timer (on this site anyway), although some of your lines didn't rhyme and just weirdly stuck out.

@Eminememy's feed Yeah, I thought about going for an 8 line chorus. I had the Moment of Clarity hook in my head, but I couldn't think of anything for the next 4 lines.

[Mr.DGAF]

@Mr. DGAF I liked your verse, it was interesting, stayed on topic, and the rhyming was good. I could feel the emotion.

Thanks man, really appreciate it. I don't really know where I stand at writing, but it's a great way to express emotions that you'd normally bottle up, which is what I try to do when I write.

@Mr. DGAF Very passionate verse. Loved the way you positioned the alcohol in the verse

Thanks a alot, truly appreciate it. And thanks for putting this all together, first collab and I think it went well.


Now for feed on the other verses in the collab:

Zabe, I liked your verse. My favorite part was:

We fought for many things, but never togetherness
For my only share of my dad's will was grief, I'm tetherless

That, and the last line. That was awesome. But I felt like your rhymes, except for the one I quoted, were pretty simple. With a topic though, I know managing three or four syllable rhymes consinstantly is difficult. Hell, I'm sure my rhymes were pretty simple, that's something I'm trying to work on. But it was a good verse, stayed on topic, and flowed well. Also, really like that chorus you did.



Eminememy, your verse was my favorite. The ryhming was really good, the transitions from different rhyme schemes was good, and your vocab was good. Really a very good verse, lots of solid multi-syllable rhyming. Not much I can really complain about on your verse, I think you shined on this one. Favorite lines:

Hiding a pleasant surprise the peasants despise/
The possibility for a potentially happy and evident life/
Reflecting sin and strife from my childhood memories/

Sekou, solid verse. Some of your lines were too long, and kind of threw off the flow of the piece. But the rhyming was very good, plenty of internals throughout. The only real thing I could complain about is the length of some of those lines. My favorite line was:

Uh, I'll forever remember them as the best days/
Always skipped school to hang in the park and get blazed/
Thinkin' shit's cool, throwing in my Eminem tape and pressed play/
All I really worried 'bout was how the hell to get laid/

[Man1x]

Thanks for feed man, anything I could improve on?

[Mr.DGAF]

The possibility for a potentially happy and evident life/
Reflecting sin and strife from my childhood memories/

That part, for me, didn't flow too well with the rest of the piece. It felt like too many syllables, to me, in the first line.

Write a song today? Maybe, every word of which is repenting/
Representing a greater 'cause, bitch I’m relenting/

The transition of rhyme schemes here was the only time I felt it wasn't that good. The first half of the first line is great, but the last half of the first line seems too long. I like the repenting/representing/relenting rhyme though, so I'd try to keep that and shorten "every word of which is" somehow.

Other than that, it was a really good verse. You stuck to the topic, though it was a bit loosely, but all the same you never really ventured off topic. The rhymes were good, everything was really nice.

[Man1x]

Thanks Geno but I disagree with the memories line, I know they font rhyme bit that's because I changed the scheme, I rhymed childhood memories/I no longer carry these, sorry if you didn't catch or it wasn't strong enough. Thanks for feed though, I always enjoy hearing from you

Also, thanks for your feed Mr. DGAF, I knew I had to shorten that line but I had a rhyme with it already so I didn't bother. And the relenting/repenting rhymes I sampled from the hook, idk I thought that if i used words from it, it would feel more connected into the song

[Man1x]

Yea, I got you. I knew that one was a little iffy. It sounds better spoken because I make it rhyme but on paper I can see it as being difficult to pin point. So, other than that. What else should I improve on and do you think I've gotten considerably better or still need lots of tinkering

[Man1x]

Bump!

[J.R.]

You all were dope as SHIT on this one. good shit guys. Good shit.

[Sekou]

Wow, this turned out to be really good

Seriously, every verse was nice. I probably liked Mr. DGAF's the most, it had the nicest flow imo.

Zabe, yours was great content-wise and had a smooth flow too, but I think the rhyming was a little sloppy at times.

Eminememy, yours was really great emotional-wise and I also liked the rhyming