Christmas Cypher Ft. Blu, Mr.DGAF, SWEET_TOOTH, Geno, Zabe.

[J.R.]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=138659

I once thought that I would grow up to be a firefighter/
Now instead of fightin fires I’m lifting a lighter to my choir/*fire and people screaming*
I don’t want it anymore see I’m tired/
I’ve lost everything that I’ve desired/
Me and the chance of fame?/
Less common then having Byard as your surname/
My declaim?/
I’ll leave you fuckin maim’d in the brain/
droolin from the mouth like a slimy fuckin cum stain/
Yo, It don’t matta’ cagna , this cracka crackin your noggin open eatin your fuckin brain matta’
Whats happenin, maggot, this faggot will fist you so hard you cant even fathom, have it in ya ass mat/
Wearing nothing but a fuckin hazmat, minds fuckin havoc, rhymes fuckin ill matic/
I guess I miss sayin fuck so much I forgot whats its like throwin a baby mutt in a tub/*puppy whimpers*
Stuffin its little face under the water, seeing the little air bubbles comin up from under-/
Neath, dawg I just wanna harm her, you can catch me in a full suit of armour/*scraping metal*
You have to do the same to me as your girl said to me; hit me harder/ *girl screaming*
Stabbed her in the throat, stuck my dick in and taught her to deep throat, aint I a charmer?
You’ve never seen this, pickin on the these weak kids I am the most meanest, most fiendish, nastiest bean dip you’ve ever seen a beaner eat bitch/
Last time you saw me I was straight clubbing, straight dubbin, rubbin on that little cunt you call a cousin/
Told her to suck it and fuck it ima nut in this little bitch kill the fetus like its nothing/

Zabe, the craziest maniac you'll never know
Unless you sign to Mad Method Records though
Do you really need to tone it down for audio?
It'll still be the same lyrics in the news article
Get up, I'll get down where guns ain't around
I'll get shot down just because I made a sound
Fuck the 313, I rep the 666
You be seeing me, you start to kick sick tricks
'Bout how you're so lyrical, so whimsical
Last week, you said to us guys your flow's biblical
It wouldn't be hard to murder you on a track
When you already maimed yourself on an axe
Forgive us, haters, even Earth's bipolar
Wanna know how to stick the hurt? I'll show ya
Sing the hook on a song, sprinkle some pixie dust
Fuck, I've had enough, this tween shit's sickening us

The pied piper of cyphers, siphoning life with a sniper
Pulling a knife from my diaper, swipe up your wife, find a buyer
Sell her for sprite, and a dryer, then slice her twice 'till she's dying
Tying her tight with a wire, she's mighty nice but I'm fly-er
It's dark as night and I'm tired, wish she would silence, stop crying
I'll end your blight, I'm no liar, set you on fire with lighters
She tastes like rice, so I bite her, set up the light and ignite her
She's full of spite, she's a fighter, too bad tonight she is dying

Please Mister, the only bitch dying tonight,
Is your little sister, Rape her while she's flying a kite,
I been trying to bite, some dope MC's to make my shit seem lethal,
But holy shit, I'm on top, I guess it's been Deemed by the people,
I'm the champ, People's champ, Headline at wrestlemania,
So Rock, Cena, Your feud? Yeah, I'm de-faming ya',
And don't worry, I'll leave some space for the rest of the competitors,
But I'm the main event, I'll take these little pussies down like I'm a wrestler.
I'm better on the mic, in more ways than one,
You bit off more than you can chew,
So take your plate of none,
Before I finish you.
Bitches too, I'ma adminster you to the new fashion playboy,
It's called your gonna be apart of my lyrical rape's ploy,
But I'ma dick, so I'ma give you hooker names like Bidder's toy,
Or even better yet, fuck you bitches, Your name is Giver of joy..

I'm rockin' with the best, this is my second test
The clock's mockin' the rest, I reckon I'm best
Case closed, no questions asked
These rhymes, embrace those, your session passed
Now let the veterans work
Being better than is a perk
You're sweatin' as I smirk
You won't make it if your rhymes continue to quirk
You gotta stop when you ain't got no fun in you
Don't got no bullets, cuz I'll shove this gun in you
So who's it, my next victim, you're weak, you're minor
Lady hip-hop just ran, you might wanna find her
Shit right now, I'm rolling with some of the baddest
We got Geno on this joint, and I haven't smoked in the fattest
These words are weapons, cuz I don't carry any guns
So before you get to steppin', just know I holster lyrical puns

I declare war on all those who oppose me,
I flow mostly dope and so ghostly,
You choke upon boasting jokes but no cloaking,
The fact that you told me I'm beyond croaking,
You walk around scrambled, throw your page to the floor,
Just as I start pennin' declarations of war,
I'm a menace to rap, puttin' letters to pads,
You'll never step ahead without forgettin' the past,
Take a second to catch, your breath and let it relax,
As you see your future dwindle while I'm wreckin' the track
It seems like everyone I know just wants my opinion,
They just butt their heads in, "like how much are you spendin'?"
I don't need no friends man, I keep it individual,
I drop you with my punches but don't need to hit to finish you,
Winnin' with minimal adrenaline, I keep killin' fools,
I just do my own thing like, Rumpelstiltskin spinnin' wool,
Look at me I'm cynical, vicious never biblical,
Only Christ I must condone is kissin' with the mistletoe,
People shake it off when I diss like they don't feel a thing,
They just say these things like, "let's see the heat that Geno brings",
But they don't really mean that, they're hurt from all my mean raps,
Lean back and see that they're inferior to beast tracks,
But they maintain no voice, they just try to ride my dick,
To get a kick and end the trip, kids at home don't try this shit,
When my album drops, you won't have cash to buy it with,
If you're feelin this I'll call it Suicide, so bye, commit.

[Blu]

I knew it, I got the worst verse. Good shit though guys.

[Mr.DGAF]

Geno did you change your verse? I skimmed over everyone's last night, then again this morning, and yours seemed different at the beginning.

[Blu]

It's pretty sad that no one has bothered to feed this. C'mon guys.

[Man1x]

It's pretty sad that no one has bothered to feed this. C'mon guys.

I promise i'll feed it sometime this week. I need to get active on this forum again.

[Blu]

It's pretty sad that no one has bothered to feed this. C'mon guys.

I promise i'll feed it sometime this week. I need to get active on this forum again.

Aight, thanks man.

No feed, still. Fuck.

[BigBoss]

i like the first guys

[Mr.DGAF]

Haha thanks *name*, this was just a kind of crazy verse. For cyphers I pretty much just say a bunch or the craziest stuff and put it together in a somewhat coherent verse. This was pretty much just me kidnapping a girl, selling her for assorted goods, then getting her back and killing her haha. Oh well.

[SG.]

Thanks, Name. That 313 line was a reference to the final battle in 8 Mile (where the same beat was used). It wasn't supposed to be a dig at Detroit or anything. I'll make sure to check your track out.

Y'all sleepin.

[Man1x]

I once thought that I would grow up to be a firefighter/
Now instead of fightin fires I’m lifting a lighter to my choir/*fire and people screaming*
I don’t want it anymore see I’m tired/
I’ve lost everything that I’ve desired/
Me and the chance of fame?/
Less common then having Byard as your surname/
My declaim?/
I’ll leave you fuckin maim’d in the brain/
droolin from the mouth like a slimy fuckin cum stain/
Yo, It don’t matta’ cagna , this cracka crackin your noggin open eatin your fuckin brain matta’
Whats happenin, maggot, this faggot will fist you so hard you cant even fathom, have it in ya ass mat/
Wearing nothing but a fuckin hazmat, minds fuckin havoc, rhymes fuckin ill matic/
I guess I miss sayin fuck so much I forgot whats its like throwin a baby mutt in a tub/*puppy whimpers*
Stuffin its little face under the water, seeing the little air bubbles comin up from under-/
Neath, dawg I just wanna harm her, you can catch me in a full suit of armour/*scraping metal*
You have to do the same to me as your girl said to me; hit me harder/ *girl screaming*
Stabbed her in the throat, stuck my dick in and taught her to deep throat, aint I a charmer?
You’ve never seen this, pickin on the these weak kids I am the most meanest, most fiendish, nastiest bean dip you’ve ever seen a beaner eat bitch/
Last time you saw me I was straight clubbing, straight dubbin, rubbin on that little cunt you call a cousin/
Told her to suck it and fuck it ima nut in this little bitch kill the fetus like its nothing/



For you, okay. Good flow i caught it the whole way threw. Nice use of multis, however in the category it was weaker in the beginning but picked up during the rest. You didn't take home in this category however, it was satisfactory and it's not as important as flow and story. Remember, what your saying is very important and how you phrase it just as important. At times I felt you were speaking another language, this was due to your awkward placement of your words. At times I was left wondering if you did it for the rhyme or enhanced vocab, you made sense it was just weird at times. No biggie, easily fixed. Just used your vocab in a more normal sounding way, and again. It might just be me and no one else that sees this as a problem. Just seems awkward to me, if it makes sense to you don't take it to heart.

Edit: I said you had a good flow, you did, but keep your syllables consistent.

[BigBoss]

I once thought that I would grow up to be a firefighter/
Now instead of fightin fires I’m lifting a lighter to my choir/*fire and people screaming*
I don’t want it anymore see I’m tired/
I’ve lost everything that I’ve desired/
Me and the chance of fame?/
Less common then having Byard as your surname/
My declaim?/
I’ll leave you fuckin maim’d in the brain/
droolin from the mouth like a slimy fuckin cum stain/
Yo, It don’t matta’ cagna , this cracka crackin your noggin open eatin your fuckin brain matta’
Whats happenin, maggot, this faggot will fist you so hard you cant even fathom, have it in ya ass mat/
Wearing nothing but a fuckin hazmat, minds fuckin havoc, rhymes fuckin ill matic/
I guess I miss sayin fuck so much I forgot whats its like throwin a baby mutt in a tub/*puppy whimpers*
Stuffin its little face under the water, seeing the little air bubbles comin up from under-/
Neath, dawg I just wanna harm her, you can catch me in a full suit of armour/*scraping metal*
You have to do the same to me as your girl said to me; hit me harder/ *girl screaming*
Stabbed her in the throat, stuck my dick in and taught her to deep throat, aint I a charmer?
You’ve never seen this, pickin on the these weak kids I am the most meanest, most fiendish, nastiest bean dip you’ve ever seen a beaner eat bitch/
Last time you saw me I was straight clubbing, straight dubbin, rubbin on that little cunt you call a cousin/
Told her to suck it and fuck it ima nut in this little bitch kill the fetus like its nothing/



For you, okay. Good flow i caught it the whole way threw. Nice use of multis, however in the category it was weaker in the beginning but picked up during the rest. You didn't take home in this category however, it was satisfactory and it's not as important as flow and story. Remember, what your saying is very important and how you phrase it just as important. At times I felt you were speaking another language, this was due to your awkward placement of your words. At times I was left wondering if you did it for the rhyme or enhanced vocab, you made sense it was just weird at times. No biggie, easily fixed. Just used your vocab in a more normal sounding way, and again. It might just be me and no one else that sees this as a problem. Just seems awkward to me, if it makes sense to you don't take it to heart.

Edit: I said you had a good flow, you did, but keep your syllables consistent.

yea i was trying to do both, get a good flow with good vocab and still rhyme it

[Man1x]

Zabe, the craziest maniac you'll never know
Unless you sign to Mad Method Records though
Do you really need to tone it down for audio?
It'll still be the same lyrics in the news article
Get up, I'll get down where guns ain't around
I'll get shot down just because I made a sound
Fuck the 313, I rep the 666
You be seeing me, you start to kick sick tricks
'Bout how you're so lyrical, so whimsical
Last week, you said to us guys your flow's biblical
It wouldn't be hard to murder you on a track
When you already maimed yourself on an axe
Forgive us, haters, even Earth's bipolar
Wanna know how to stick the hurt? I'll show ya
Sing the hook on a song, sprinkle some pixie dust
Fuck, I've had enough, this tween shit's sickening us

Great verse me man, I've only read two on this cypher so far and this is the best out of the two. Great structure, flow, vocab, rhymes, multis, and relevance. Were some of the lines shots at JR?

[Man1x]

The pied piper of cyphers, siphoning life with a sniper
Pulling a knife from my diaper, swipe up your wife, find a buyer
Sell her for sprite, and a dryer, then slice her twice 'till she's dying
Tying her tight with a wire, she's mighty nice but I'm fly-er
It's dark as night and I'm tired, wish she would silence, stop crying
I'll end your blight, I'm no liar, set you on fire with lighters
She tastes like rice, so I bite her, set up the light and ignite her
She's full of spite, she's a fighter, too bad tonight she is dying

Good flow, structure, and rhymes, however your not really saying anything. It's kind of a story but it has no message other than "Don't-mess-with-me-the-crazzzzzyyyy-motherfucka!" If that's what you intended, good job. But you could've wrote it better, i know you could cause i've seen your other stuff

so far Zabe>DGAF>SWEET

[Man1x]

Please Mister, the only bitch dying tonight,
Is your little sister, Rape her while she's flying a kite,
I been trying to bite, some dope MC's to make my shit seem lethal,
But holy shit, I'm on top, I guess it's been Deemed by the people,
I'm the champ, People's champ, Headline at wrestlemania,
So Rock, Cena, Your feud? Yeah, I'm de-faming ya',
And don't worry, I'll leave some space for the rest of the competitors,
But I'm the main event, I'll take these little pussies down like I'm a wrestler.
I'm better on the mic, in more ways than one,
You bit off more than you can chew,
So take your plate of none,
Before I finish you.
Bitches too, I'ma adminster you to the new fashion playboy,
It's called your gonna be apart of my lyrical rape's ploy,
But I'ma dick, so I'ma give you hooker names like Bidder's toy,
Or even better yet, fuck you bitches, Your name is Giver of joy..

Without out the beat the flow is better, it just barely could be placed on the beat the way im reading it. you had multis, flow (better without beat), but your structure was WAYYYYY off, i don't know if you intended this, if so i know you might have been trying something with flow, but idk. Structure is iffy because it really doesn't need to be perfect at all, you just gotta make it work. For those reasons ill disregard structure but that doesn't mean you should keep it in your mind, it'll improve flow and tighten a lot of loose ends.

Zabe>DGAF>JR>SWEET

Edit: Also, work on making it easier to understand. Some of it was weirdly phrased imo

[Man1x]

I'm rockin' with the best, this is my second test
The clock's mockin' the rest, I reckon I'm best
Case closed, no questions asked
These rhymes, embrace those, your session passed
Now let the veterans work
Being better than is a perk
You're sweatin' as I smirk
You won't make it if your rhymes continue to quirk
You gotta stop when you ain't got no fun in you
Don't got no bullets, cuz I'll shove this gun in you
So who's it, my next victim, you're weak, you're minor
Lady hip-hop just ran, you might wanna find her
Shit right now, I'm rolling with some of the baddest
We got Geno on this joint, and I haven't smoked in the fattest
These words are weapons, cuz I don't carry any guns
So before you get to steppin', just know I holster lyrical puns

Alright, i've seen your past work. This is an improvement. I don't know if it's your best or not but it's the best i've read from you bro. However, you gotta improve your vocabulary, phrase somethings in a more normal way so that it's not awkward, and then (this suggestion can be bent for reasons stated on JR's feed) you should keep a consistent structure. I mean, there are many ways to say your verse to avoid structure, i don't know if you were doing this. Also, good flow bro, however not the best i've seen here. You need to also work on not rhyming the same words. Also, phrase some lines better for the reader to better understand. Keep grinding.

Zabe>DGAF>JR>Blu>SWEET