Whatever.

[JamaicanPattlez]

http://forum.trshady.com:80/viewtopic.p ... &p=1849745

Being vocal about emotions are forcing me to be unfocused,
So now you see it's over, I suppose I chose to have Psychosis,
What am I supposed to do, prove that I can write lyrics,
Then try to fuckin' assume that in hope you might hear it?
Who am I fooling, you don't want to hear that,
"Oh, it's whack, this is bad, this is polluting, ear yak",
Jesus, I can never please people,
Even if it's for the better, it's like a weak needle,
So of course I go and try to make something worth reading,
I wasn't born for flow and writing, I made shit resulting from feelings,
I can't promise grimy lines or a flow like Eminem,
And I can't say I'm a modest mind, cause I know I'm heaven sent,
Just kidding, but I'm just here to accomplish a dream,
And I'm willing to cast my fear to abolish my demons,
I wouldn't call it cockiness, no, I just have my drive,
Cause I couldn't call it confidence if I didn't have my life.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Haha. Not gonna lie, I turned into a bitch when I saw that feed, then got pissed lmao. Thanks for the feed!

[JamaicanPattlez]

Haha then no more half-assed verses. It's funny, because the last piece was actually something that I wrote as a battle with a new rapper. I didn't think it was THAT bad lol, it almost sounded like it was Encore Part II. But yeah, no more bullshit verses.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Yeah, he did. I'm glad he got on my ass for that, it made me stop fuckin' around lol. Will do.

[Words]

This is way better than 5AM. You turned around after getting your last piece turned to shreds and wrote this, that is amazing dude, good job with that. The flow I picked up in this piece was great, the flow was sort of similar to Smile by Eyedea, fucking great man. The lyrics weren't any worse either. Very good all around. Way to turn around and deliver.

[JamaicanPattlez]

This is way better than 5AM. You turned around after getting your last piece turned to shreds and wrote this, that is amazing dude, good job with that. The flow I picked up in this piece was great, the flow was sort of similar to Smile by Eyedea, fucking great man. The lyrics weren't any worse either. Very good all around. Way to turn around and deliver.

Haha thanks bro. Never heard that track, but that's awesome!

[Mr.DGAF]

First off, this is better than the last drop you had. It's good that you took the advice VBV dropped and learned from it. The flow is on point here, got it pretty quickly, but that's usually not a problem with you. The lyrics are pretty decent, I had a few problems, but for the most part this was pretty good. I actually laughed to myself at the ear yak line haha. It's kind of absurd, didn't expect it.

Anyways, my problem is here:

Jesus, I can never please people,
Even if it's for the better, it's like a weak needle,

Didn't like the weak needle line honestly. Unless I'm just missing something about it, which is possible haha. But it just kind of sticks out, you don't really have anything there to compare it to, you know? Kinda felt like a filler line is all.

I did like this line:

[url]So of course I go and try to make something worth reading,
I wasn't born for flow and writing, I made shit resulting from feelings,[/url]

That's the kind of stuff I like, just honesty. Which is what I got a lot of in this piece, and I respect that. My idea is to just string together a couple of pieces with a message, not like an EP necessarily, just something to experiment different types of writing with. Something where you can flex different aspects of your writing.

But this is a step up from the last one, which is always good. One more thing: Make them verses longer bruh haha.

[Eedee]

Being vocal about emotions are forcing me to be unfocused,
So now you see it's over, I suppose I chose to have Psychosis,
What am I supposed to do, prove that I can write lyrics,
Then try to fuckin' assume that in hope you might hear it?
Who am I fooling, you don't want to hear that,
"Oh, it's whack, this is bad, this is polluting, ear yak",
Jesus, I can never please people,
Even if it's for the better, it's like a weak needle,
So of course I go and try to make something worth reading,
I wasn't born for flow and writing, I made shit resulting from feelings,
I can't promise grimy lines or a flow like Eminem,
And I can't say I'm a modest mind, cause I know I'm heaven sent,
Just kidding, but I'm just here to accomplish a dream,
And I'm willing to cast my fear to abolish my demons,
I wouldn't call it cockiness, no, I just have my drive,
Cause I couldn't call it confidence if I didn't have my life.

I read your 5AM and then this, and you definitely improved and took your time on this. I really liked this one. Your flow was easy to pinpoint from the get go and I rode it allll the way till the end.

My favorite line probably:

Being vocal about emotions are forcing me to be unfocused,
So now you see it's over, I suppose I chose to have Psychosis.

It just was so clean and smooth and sounds really nice when you rap it out loud.

Keep it up and drop some more verses!

[JamaicanPattlez]

First off, this is better than the last drop you had. It's good that you took the advice VBV dropped and learned from it. The flow is on point here, got it pretty quickly, but that's usually not a problem with you. The lyrics are pretty decent, I had a few problems, but for the most part this was pretty good. I actually laughed to myself at the ear yak line haha. It's kind of absurd, didn't expect it.

Anyways, my problem is here:

Jesus, I can never please people,
Even if it's for the better, it's like a weak needle,

Didn't like the weak needle line honestly. Unless I'm just missing something about it, which is possible haha. But it just kind of sticks out, you don't really have anything there to compare it to, you know? Kinda felt like a filler line is all.

I did like this line:

[url]So of course I go and try to make something worth reading,
I wasn't born for flow and writing, I made shit resulting from feelings,[/url]

That's the kind of stuff I like, just honesty. Which is what I got a lot of in this piece, and I respect that. My idea is to just string together a couple of pieces with a message, not like an EP necessarily, just something to experiment different types of writing with. Something where you can flex different aspects of your writing.

But this is a step up from the last one, which is always good. One more thing: Make them verses longer bruh haha.

Haha thanks dog. The weak needle line refers to how sometimes now matter how good I think it is, it's never enough. Like if you get a vaccination for the flu, only to know it wasn't strong enough, know what I mean?

Being vocal about emotions are forcing me to be unfocused,
So now you see it's over, I suppose I chose to have Psychosis,
What am I supposed to do, prove that I can write lyrics,
Then try to fuckin' assume that in hope you might hear it?
Who am I fooling, you don't want to hear that,
"Oh, it's whack, this is bad, this is polluting, ear yak",
Jesus, I can never please people,
Even if it's for the better, it's like a weak needle,
So of course I go and try to make something worth reading,
I wasn't born for flow and writing, I made shit resulting from feelings,
I can't promise grimy lines or a flow like Eminem,
And I can't say I'm a modest mind, cause I know I'm heaven sent,
Just kidding, but I'm just here to accomplish a dream,
And I'm willing to cast my fear to abolish my demons,
I wouldn't call it cockiness, no, I just have my drive,
Cause I couldn't call it confidence if I didn't have my life.

I read your 5AM and then this, and you definitely improved and took your time on this. I really liked this one. Your flow was easy to pinpoint from the get go and I rode it allll the way till the end.

My favorite line probably:

Being vocal about emotions are forcing me to be unfocused,
So now you see it's over, I suppose I chose to have Psychosis.

It just was so clean and smooth and sounds really nice when you rap it out loud.

Keep it up and drop some more verses!

Thank you bro! Greatly appreciated!

[Ka0t1c]

Being vocal about emotions are forcing me to be unfocused,
So now you see it's over, I suppose I chose to have Psychosis,
What am I supposed to do, prove that I can write lyrics,
Then try to fuckin' assume that in hope you might hear it?

best part, i enjoy how well these lines flow together, this part is solid, i think you can improve the rest of this verse immensely.