Sometimes I Wish...

[JamaicanPattlez]

I'd pop Amoxcillin and vodka, and just end it all for good,
I'm not positive that I'm just talkin', but then again I really could,
I'm not depressed, I'm just stressed with life's constant tribulations,
And deep breaths never help, Christ, I'm lost in fixed relations,
I can't trust a soul, there's no ghost of a chance,
That I can love a hoe, so I'll just go with the plant,
Mary Juana wants to roll, but I'm afraid of the risks,
Cause these chicks just look for dick, and there's no staying for the kids,
But insecurity's a bitch, it makes your mind an asylum,
And I know through all this shit, I'm just hiding from violence,
Sometimes I wish I wasn't Christian so I could do what I want,
But even with the distance, I'm still rooting for God,
So I ask him for a sanctum, to protect me from my phantoms,
And show his actions that I'm been anxious to see if he will answer,
Ever since I was a semen, I've had a legion of demons,
I know they're never leavin', but I'll beat these heathens with Jesus.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=144506&p=1884249#p1884249

Comments and feedback are welcome!

[Atone]

Record this, lyrics are nice man, i guess i like this cuz i can relate to most of it,

although it only rhymes as much as you need to and doesn't add anything extra, due to the fact
this piece is easy to relate to it makes it better,

[JamaicanPattlez]

Record this, lyrics are nice man, i guess i like this cuz i can relate to most of it,

although it only rhymes as much as you need to and doesn't add anything extra, due to the fact
this piece is easy to relate to it makes it better,

Thank you for the feed! Yeah, I got past the whole need to rhyme grandiose words in my verses that I may not necessarily use in real life. I mean those who do it, cool, but it ain't me, that's Passionate MC lol.

[Atone]

lol, do ya thing man just be yourself, ii was just tellin a friend the other day how easy it would be to make 15 tracks that sound like every mainstream radio gangster rapper, but i'd rather stay real and make music about real life shit

[JamaicanPattlez]

lol, do ya thing man just be yourself, ii was just tellin a friend the other day how easy it would be to make 15 tracks that sound like every mainstream radio gangster rapper, but i'd rather stay real and make music about real life shit

Definitely, but I think it's all in sound too. Some of those rappers have an ear for beats, and that's how you get the teen girls hooked. But I think the problem is that EVERYONE wants to be real, but there's nothing different or appealing to them, there's no creativity or art with those underground rappers. I think, if you can rap about women, weed and money in a clever way, it's better than just saying:

I get money, I got hoes,
These summer bunnies like my flows,

Y'know?

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Nice piece man, I liked the beginning a lot, felt like you came out pretty strong, keep it up man!

[JamaicanPattlez]

Thanks bro!

[CrashBand]

I quite liked it. I struggled in flow in parts. I guess that happens with writtens though.

Rhyming was very good throughout.
Life's constant tribulations / I'm lost in fixed relations - was a decent 7 syllable multie

Wordplay was allright, but didn't make me go 'wow'. Quite simple puns (Soul/Ghost), (Hoe/Plant/Mary Juana).

Overall good piece

[JamaicanPattlez]

I quite liked it. I struggled in flow in parts. I guess that happens with writtens though.

Rhyming was very good throughout.
Life's constant tribulations / I'm lost in fixed relations - was a decent 7 syllable multie

Wordplay was allright, but didn't make me go 'wow'. Quite simple puns (Soul/Ghost), (Hoe/Plant/Mary Juana).

Overall good piece

Thanks dude.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Lyrically, this was dope. Reminded me of when you first started dropping, a lot of rhyming.

I found the flow pretty good throughout, maybe a slip up or two but I believe YOU know how to flow it, so fuck how I interpret it lol

Like Crash said, word play was alright. Nothing really "wow" worthy but they're still little fun nuggets to read cuz you're just having fun with the words.

Yeah, I'm trying to go for that multiple rhyming but also not forcing the fuck out of it like I also used to do, lol. I'm still learning how to do decent wordplay and punches, so I'm working on it. Thanks for the feed!

[KingDavid]

good shit. awesome really.

[JamaicanPattlez]

good shit. awesome really.

Oh shit, thanks man!

[Le Tunisien]

i live your style of writing..kept the rhyming and content going well you should record this , keep it up

[JamaicanPattlez]

i live your style of writing..kept the rhyming and content going well you should record this , keep it up

Haha, thank you so much. Maybe I will, honestly! Who knows.

Have you ever dropped a 3 verse solo song? Just wondering.

No I haven't. I don't really think about dropping here when I write, like when I write something I usually write to get what I'm thinking off my chest, and then I post it on my facebook or store it somewhere for me to use later in some way. Sometimes, out of those verses I write, I post them here.

[recollectg4]

That is a very moving song/poem. Have you sang this song to music? Is this a rap song or just a regular song? This song is amazing. You write very well and this song/poem says a lot about you and the way a lot of people feel today. Thank you for sharing this song/poem.