First verse in a while

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Damn man nice piece!! Nice multis I could see that everything rhymed pretty well. The last part was kind of gross but its all good, lyricly wise it was awesome man! keep it up!!

[Atone]

not really feelin this, idk y, maybe i'm just not into rap's about fuckin lol, idk

[RainMan44]

Feed - viewtopic.php?f=24&t=144410


I was thinking about two or three other people to rap on a beat, like hook, verse, hook, verse, hook, then song ends...until you hear me walking out and tapping a mic, then rapping acapella the first few bars, then a different, more intense beat starts playing.


What you mean, what the fuck this is? Girl it's my meat, suck!
Get on your back, put your thighs to your tits so you're curled with feet up!
Stop crying, that's what you get when you're half naked in the urban streets, slut!
wait...[insert name here], WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN'? TURN THE BEAT UP!
I want a fuckin' headache when I stick it in like a flash drive
Loading my personal data into her system & bite her ass right
After I'm done; fuck safely removing my hardware
I'm not patient enough, which led to crazy contusions and scars, hair
Ripped out, and at this point I'm freestylin' 'cause there's bloodstains on my paper
I can't read what I have written, musta came when I raped a
Slut chained with duct tape on her ankles, I stuck blades in her navel,
Guts sprayed, it was anal next then my nuts layin' on a table
With my hands holdin' her head, forcin her jaws open
Making her lick them while she bled till she was a corpse & it's all gropin'
After that...fuck, now I feel out of breath
I'm about to rest, then tonight I'll cause another chick to squeal out distressed

EDIT:

Beat - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8b1jn4Xh ... nmZDn1M%3D
I'm gonna start fixing it up to fit the flow of the beat. Although, if anyone else has any suggestions for a beat that you like more that has sorta the same style and tempo please feel free to tell me.

I liked this.

When I rapped it to the beat you posted, I couldn't help but rap it in a very angry/screaming voice. Is that how you intended it to be?


You got some nice rhymes in here.


Especially "Slut chained with duct tape on her ankles, I stuck blades in her navel,
Guts sprayed, it was anal next then my nuts layin' on a table"

I like the fact that you included the rhyme scheme 5+ times in just 2 lines, that's dope and only makes the flow that much easier to catch..


As a whole this was a pretty strong piece, it could use some brushing up...but hey, every piece is like that at some point. Usually goes through a couple revisions before considering it finished, so this is really dope.

Nice rhymes, good topic, some witty lines (turn the beat up line was cool as fuck)...overall good job man, keep at it