C..N.T

[J.R.]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145386
(just a few lines I've been working on on anger. I think I've been improving. Thoughts?)

Like Dominos cheese, you stuffed with shit!
Lots of disease, bitch, you above the brim,
We break up, an hour later you already fucking Him?
Then you wanna make up while you suckin men?
Now bitch please, fuck off with that nasty cunt
If you had a reality show it'd be called ass meets nuts
Good luck with that dick you suck,
Sorry your pussys too lose or slick to fuck,
Sorry I ever hooked up with you, fucking nasty slut
Put my dick in your ass, it came out brown as fuck!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Nice job man, I liked this a lot better than your last couple of drops, You shoulda kept it going! Theres a lot more/better multis and it seems like it flows a lot better.

[J.R.]

Thanks shady! And let me just throw in there that while I was too busy being a sourpuss because I'm having issues getting back on par, your a talented newcomer

[J.R.]

I see a lot of unnecessary anger, I get the concept is frustration about a break-up, but that's what it's supposed to be, frustration, not anger, which means my critic goes to the nature of this piece, which displays the narrator an over-sensitive kid who can't handle being turned down, which isn't good in rap music, it mostly isn't a good way to display emotion in my opinion.

That being said, the piece had a pretty consistent flow (Which is pretty weird from you tbh) and it was nice and easy, multi's are on point with the piece's nature, and overall it was a pretty solid drop, it's just the feel of it that I have a problem with, but that's personal, I get why you want to make a track like that especially cause this is an Eminem forum and most of us are into this insane psycho shit. You're vastly improving though, keep moving.

Thanks Name, yeah I see what you mean, I do have a lot of anger issues and rejection issues and I think a lot of us are like that here on this board. I'm glad my flow is consistent, it actually really can be when I buckle down, I just tend to be lazy with it. That's why when I was I was dropping 7-10 pieces a day it was all decent multis but shit flow and shit work it was pathetic, I could drop good flow with good multi's and emotion if I took my time.

My main goal with this piece was to really see if I could prove most of the people wrong who had said I had fallen off in the piece I did with Shady. I just..that tore me up. It hit me. And they were right. I mean damn man. I realized I needed to start taking my time and if that meant quality > quantity (even though I like having more work) so be it. Anyway, hope you see this. I might shoot you a PM.

[J.R.]

Well, I'm gonna try to be more consistent. And thanks for not bashing the shit out of me. lol . what happened to the lyrical trinity reunion. I had Atone ready to ghost write and everything.

[J.R.]

Well, I'm gonna try to be more consistent. And thanks for not bashing the shit out of me. lol . what happened to the lyrical trinity reunion. I had Atone ready to ghost write and everything.

I don't even know tbh, my writing game is on snail shit, I now jot like 2 verses every 3 months and most lack quality and sense. I might've legit lost it but the problem is I lack motivation nowadays, the verse I just dropped was the only thing I was motivated to actually finish and I don't even know if I downgraded or improved by this epic change of style that I have, I'm not into lyrical psycho shit anymore tbh.

That was my problem the legit 4-5 months(?) I was gone. Mostly just the fact I didn't want to finish or start anything. No motivation, like you said. What's the point, probably won't be good anyway. At least that's how it was for me. What inspired me though was more and more of reading this section, wanting to compete with what people were doing and proving I was better.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks shady! And let me just throw in there that while I was too busy being a sourpuss because I'm having issues getting back on par, your a talented newcomer

Thanks man, means a lot!! I would always say quality over quantity any day man, What I like to do is When I'm listening to a beat and writing something that I think is really good once I finish just wait like a day or two and work on other stuff then come back and check it out then i will have some more open thoughts on the verse and I usually like to edit a few parts here and there to make it a little better, but i'm still not too great and I could probably learn a lot more stuff haha!

[Blu]

I have a feeling you can shut those dickwads up (mainly Spyder from what I noticed; his comment to you on that drop with ShAdYTiLIDie was unnecessary and had nothing constructive to it)

JR - sorry bro but ungodly awful verse, you start off with little syllable and weak similes
saying "i shine like the sun" i realize punches or metas cant always be jaw dropping but, cmon.
then your syllable count gets longer. it should only increase if you were double timing.
your verse subject was random, foornication isnt spelled right, rhyming was novice and needs
better multies/vocab/complexity.
you go down hill with every verse i read, its harsh but im trying to help

How is that not constructive?

I didn't like the verse my man. The whole psychotic nature is played out so much that it kinda sounds corny if you don't do it right.