The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

"Revolver" Freeverse

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Re: "Revolver" Freeverse

Postby JamaicanPattlez » May 18th, '12, 03:20

Whattup Name! Alright, well first off, I enjoyed this. I haven't seen verses from you in a while, so I think that also gives it a refresher to see you a post again, in my mind. Your flow's pretty good, I didn't have any issues with that. Could be me being picky, but one thing that kinda got me going "Wut?" would be this couplet:

"The gunshots are missed but a refill is chosen
Other rappers want me dead before I even spoken"

Didn't really register quickly in my mind, but as you said it's a messy and loose concept, so it's not a big deal haha. Dope regardless, I saw what you were doing there, and that's what matters. Keep up the good work!
Horsebot3K wrote:
Usernamesarehard wrote:My dick is going in your mouth whether you like it or not bipolar fuck boy.

Image
User avatar
JamaicanPattlez
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2656
Joined: Dec 26th, '10, 05:57
Gender: Male

Re: "Revolver" Freeverse

Postby Mr.DGAF » May 20th, '12, 22:37

With this and your Anthem verse, I feel like the vocabulary is excellent. Again, the rhymes aren't spectacular, but you don't need ridiculous rhyming to drop a good piece. The subject matter picks up in the middle, like you said, it started kinda aimless and then moved into something a bit more focused. It's cool to see some people dropping again after The Anthem verse, hope you and JP stick around haha.
You'd be surprised...
How many truths you can hide in flows

Image
Image
Quest for Six
Team Emma Stone
Buns till amazing... :')
User avatar
Mr.DGAF
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2349
Joined: Aug 15th, '11, 04:10
Location: In the back seat of your truck, with duct tape stretched out.
Gender: Male

Re: "Revolver" Freeverse

Postby ShAdYTiLIDie » May 23rd, '12, 17:31

Nice piece man I like it a lot, it was basically a freestyle verse so the topic doesnt matter too much. I liked the vocabulary and multis a lot, seems like you have been reading the dictionary! hah I wish I did more often, also very good use of imagery. keep it up man! nice piece
"Shady said it Shady meant it, I stay demented, Ill throw a stroller at you, with a baby in it"
User avatar
ShAdYTiLIDie
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 737
Joined: Feb 26th, '12, 22:09
Location: Dallas, TX, US
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider]