Aimless Verse

[JamaicanPattlez]

I haven't really posted here in a while, so since I haven't, here's something I decided to write! I got distracted quite a bit while writing, but oh well. Enjoy!

Your rhymes ain't adjacent, it's mental constipation,
So why make a statement if shit's meant to cause a nation
To explode, you know flows can go wherever they want,
So it shows the truth goes whichever path its laid on,
My rhymes are Napalm, just a spark'll knock ya out,
I'm like an 8 Ball, you get me scuffed, I'll pocket out,
Underground rappers lack tact, it's fact, they only rhyme,
You wonder now if it really matters, cause most are whack,
And moan and grind, so I figured with all this, I'd write a bit different,
I'd trigger my subconscious into finding the big picture,
I decided to spend my time carving styles, and hone my voice,
Life provided me all my friends that sparked my light, it turned to choice,
Become a winner in their eyes or be a failure in mine,
We're all sinners in our lives, but we run for Savior in time,
Most rappers talk about spitting things that's very typical,
Me? I'd rather talk about wishing things that's barely mystical.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145289

[Mr.DGAF]

Yeah, your best pieces are always on the serious side. The rhyming is pretty nice on this, and the flow is down pat. Not much to talk about really. The first bar is the weakest part of the piece for me, but it picks up after that. Sometimes the word choice is a bit iffy, like I know what you're saying, but I feel like there's a better word for it out there. But it's nice to see you drop and this piece is definitely pretty impressive. Good stuff man.

[JamaicanPattlez]

I admire the content of this, it's pretty spot-on and on-point. Flow took me 2 reads to catch but it turned out pretty slick, the bit from this line "I'd trigger my subconscious into finding the big picture" and until the end went flawless for me in both content-wise and flow-wise, and technical rhyming is great as usual.

And I also have to praise your thinking on the closing bar and the line Menzo noted, it's pretty mind-triggering. It's always easier to read a "real" verse and enjoy it because everything said here connects. Good job as usual man, hope to see more of your shit in the near future.

Yeah, your best pieces are always on the serious side. The rhyming is pretty nice on this, and the flow is down pat. Not much to talk about really. The first bar is the weakest part of the piece for me, but it picks up after that. Sometimes the word choice is a bit iffy, like I know what you're saying, but I feel like there's a better word for it out there. But it's nice to see you drop and this piece is definitely pretty impressive. Good stuff man.

I liked it man, you always seem to add pieces of reality to all your drops. For instance:

"I decided to spend my time carving styles, and hone my voice,
Life provided me all my friends that sparked my light, it turned to choice,
Become a winner in their eyes or be a failure in mine,
We're all sinners in our lives, but we run for Savior in time"

Those bars in particular really stood out to me, especially the winner/failure line, cuz I bet a lot of people feel that way.

Rhyming was dope as usual and I'm pretty sure I found the flow. I got it to work so whatever lol It definitely has been a minute since you've dropped a written son, glad to see you still around

Thanks guys! Oh, to Mr. DGAF, I feel what you mean on that word choice thing, I agree with that. That's why I try reading the dictionary and finding out alternate words for certain things. All part of the growth. Thanks again for feeding!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Great piece man, awesome multis and everything flowed really well together.
Nice piece dude keep up the good work! Looking forward to your next drop

[JamaicanPattlez]

Great piece man, awesome multis and everything flowed really well together.
Nice piece dude keep up the good work! Looking forward to your next drop

Thanks man.