Eedee - Dying Is An Option Now

[Eedee]

Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5pGjyBrSpM
LoF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145468&p=1908748#p1908748

*Beat is top link. I know it's a full song but I only wanted to do a quick 16 on it. Hope you enjoy! Verse starts at :28-ish.

Takin' a shot of the alch, break my wrist on the follow through,
Vicodin bottle, take a swish then I swallow two.
I don't wanna live, I wanna feel the numbing coming in,
Cuz I don't give a flying shit about nothing other than
these motherfucking headaches, in the wake of this break up,
You touch it? Leg breaks, but you're fakin' it, eh, love?
Just take off the make up, let us lean in and just make up,
Oh wait... you're gone, a plate of crow I just ate some.
Life is shit, ain't it so? Yeah... it so is,
Your poison was potent, but it's too late when I noticed.
Ain't it just hopeless? C'mon girl, we're a package,
Relationship was havoc, we're always at it, it's savage.
I wanna capture the moments and just suspend them in jars,
Relive them when I get lost but they end up all off.
Because my memories fade, as the enemies quake,
This fucking pain that I'm feeling has no remedy made.

[mdemaz]

Dude, you know what?
Don't worry about doing technical ryhmes man, try to focus on a smooth flow, good storytelling and delivery.

I'd like to see a one-syllable rhyme song.
Go back to the 80s, experiment a little.
Find some quiet beats, turn down your vocals and just mellow out.

I know you wanna blow, but you gotta fuck around with some shit first dude.
You got a lot of years ahead of you to experiment, so go at your own pace.

As for the lyrics, they are great, but you gotta stand out man, try something different.
Otherwise I'm gonna be scanning the ends of your bars and saying "oh look, multies, yay -.-" you know?

Anyways, keep at it, you're really retarded, I can't wait to hear your new music dude.
Shit is gonna pop off.

BOOM!

[Eedee]

Thanks for the good looks man. I hear ya about trying something different.

However, for people who just look at the end bars to read the multies, what I like to do is have people read it, then keep going back further into the bar and say "shit, that was a long-ass multi!!". *cough*
Plus having internal multies to follow it and stuff. Just adds to the *gasp* factor, I guess.

But yeah, we need to finish that EP, sorry I haven't been on FB. I'll get on soon. Just that hook, huh? Stupid. Haha

[mdemaz]

It's no big deal really, if you look at all the successful rappers, they use simple ryhmes at times but their aggressive voice and flow compensates for that flaw, Nas and 2Pac are prime examples.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

It's no big deal really, if you look at all the successful rappers, they use simple ryhmes at times but their aggressive voice and flow compensates for that flaw, Nas and 2Pac are prime examples.

Totally agree with that A lot of the big name rappers use very simple rhymes.
I liked this piece a lot dude! You started it off really strong with the multis at the beginning and kept it flowing pretty well from what I can tell, I didnt get to listen to the beat (I hate school computers) but I liked this a lot man, I also liked how you put emotion into it, It really helped me feel where your coming from sort of, if that makes sense lol. keep it up, looking forward to your next drop!

[Mr.DGAF]

Good stuff certainly here. Flow is nice, lyrics really get the point across. I get what you're saying, the multies in this one are often set up earlier in the bar and then again at the end of the bar, it's cool. The only line I wasn't feeling too much written wise was the "love, eh" line. But that's nitpicking even for a written piece, and obviously you record so it's no problem if you were to lay this down on the beat. The last line is very well constructed, perhaps my favorite from the entire piece. I kinda thought the word choice for "suspend them in jars" line was kinda weird haha, never really heard that saying. But it's again a small thing. Otherwise, nice drop man.

[Eedee]

Good stuff certainly here. Flow is nice, lyrics really get the point across. I get what you're saying, the multies in this one are often set up earlier in the bar and then again at the end of the bar, it's cool. The only line I wasn't feeling too much written wise was the "love, eh" line. But that's nitpicking even for a written piece, and obviously you record so it's no problem if you were to lay this down on the beat. The last line is very well constructed, perhaps my favorite from the entire piece. I kinda thought the word choice for "suspend them in jars" line was kinda weird haha, never really heard that saying. But it's again a small thing. Otherwise, nice drop man.

Hey thanks for the feed! Appreciate it.

May I ask what you didn't like about the "eh, love?" line?
Also, you know how when scientists find a specimen and they preserve them in jars of formaldehyde? That's what I was getting at. Those moments were 'dead' to me, so I suspend them in jars. Yup yup.

Thanks for the looks.

[Mr.DGAF]

Good stuff certainly here. Flow is nice, lyrics really get the point across. I get what you're saying, the multies in this one are often set up earlier in the bar and then again at the end of the bar, it's cool. The only line I wasn't feeling too much written wise was the "love, eh" line. But that's nitpicking even for a written piece, and obviously you record so it's no problem if you were to lay this down on the beat. The last line is very well constructed, perhaps my favorite from the entire piece. I kinda thought the word choice for "suspend them in jars" line was kinda weird haha, never really heard that saying. But it's again a small thing. Otherwise, nice drop man.

Hey thanks for the feed! Appreciate it.

May I ask what you didn't like about the "eh, love?" line?
Also, you know how when scientists find a specimen and they preserve them in jars of formaldehyde? That's what I was getting at. Those moments were 'dead' to me, so I suspend them in jars. Yup yup.

Thanks for the looks.

Ah, okay, I get the jars thing now. It's actually pretty cool when you put it like that haha. As for the "eh, love" line, I dunno, it's just personal preference I guess. That particular line, for me, just sounds too casual. Which is a weird thing to say haha, I know, and it's not really the best way to explain myself but it's all I can think of at the moment. And that really only applies to writtens, like I said earlier. If you actually recorded this I'd have no problems at all. And again, it's a personal preference thing haha, I'm sure it's not a big deal for any other writers here, just something I thought I'd mention.

[Eedee]

That's understandable. Perception of written text can be subjective at times, so that's totally cool. Glad you enjoyed the piece though Let us keep dropping, eh?