[Track 1] My Friends

[J.R.]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145513

[Intro- My friend Richard at my funeral]
So yeah. I loved Jack. And anyone who hated Jack,
FUCK YOU!
That's a horrible, and cruel thing to say.
I hope you rot in hell.
(Turn to me, Jack, in heaven)
Pssh..
God: What is it, my child?
Nothing..Just, this guy fucking backstabbed me at least three times.
God: Here's the power of lightning, shit on that nigger.
*Zaps the building, lighting it on fire and killing only Richard*
Bye-Bye Bitch!
Haha!

[Verse 1]
I just want to say that when I die could you all stay away from my casket,
Cause I'm not gonna play these games with you motherfuckers I've had it,
You act like were friends, you pretend and you bend our relationship to no end,
then when you backstab me and hurt me again you try to lend a hand and make amends.
No. That's not how it goes, That's one thing you should know, that's one thing I'll resist.
So stay away from me hoe or just know that one day from the sky god might strike you with shit.
That goes for all you computer geeks too I won't forget you guys.
Don't think I don't see past those sleek but still widened eyes.
See for years you've put on this clever disguise, that you're nerdy and fun.
But saying that I'm not always the winner is really just hurting me son.
So for 2 weeks, no facebook no twitter, nothing that causes a ruckus and no games.
oh and that bitch that cheated on you is right, your fucking lame.
I hope when I die you cry, but not really because your sad.
I hope tears fall from your eyes because you never got love from dad.

[Chorus]
I fucking hate everyone of you all.
I hope you all fall into a world of pain.
You all fucking backstabbed me.
This track is for laughs and I dont give a crap
But I'm just about to snap...


[Verse 2]
Yesterday in the mail I got a letter that ended with "Love and hugs,"
I gotta say, What the fuck is that shit, I'd rather Shove and club,
I don't even know the guys who sent it, gotta Shit bricks on these dicks,
He can blow me, Love and hugs? I'd rather Eat clits with blue zits
I'd rather be on the toilet for six hours with runny shits
I'd rather be lathered with Michael Jackson and Ken Kaniff
Then touch any fucking male or guy or really any thing,
I'm feeling forever alone right now, I'd rather just dream.
Never wake up again and deal with the torture and pain,
People saying I'm fake, what? I'm really just losing my brain..
Jesus christ guys I think I'm going insane, I vent to this pen and pad,
Simply because, I never trust another human, they leave me Bent or sad..



[Chorusx2]
I fucking hate everyone of you all.
I hope you all fall into a world of pain.
You all fucking backstabbed me.
This track is for laughs and I dont give a crap
But I'm just about to snap


[Bridge]
Thanks for the Laughs guys..
It's been fun.
One year down.
I'd like to say,
Fuck you all very much
And fuck you all again
Thanks

[Spyder]

omg no
will get into detail when i get home just reservin the spot

[Blu]

I'm going to be very blunt with you.

This is horrible. The intro seemed pretty corny, and so did the chorus.

Some lines are too long, and some are too short. The rhymes seemed very basic, and the content itself was utterly boring. The bridge seemed corny as well, you sound like a wannabe tough guy with lines like "fuck you all very much," it just doesn't work.

Sorry man.

omg no
will get into detail when i get home just reservin the spot

[Spyder]

rahhhhh you ready??

ok man, the end lines didnt have much multies. like u used em in transition but not at the end which is where theyre key...
the vocab and scheme is simple which isnt a huge deal but you always use simple and have small vocab so thats when it becomes a problem.

subject is played, i mean thats not a huge part if you wanna get shit off your chest but try to give such a played topic some twist.

intro and outro... just no dude.

basically man, 1 out of 10. its like youve lost the basics of the technical aspect and no originality is shown.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

IMO its not as bad as everyone is saying it is.. It just kind of seems like your writing while your in a writers block, you know what I mean? It just seems like the creativeness isnt there.
My advice to you: Like Geno said: write to a rap beat, memorize Eminem songs or something and spit them ( some say that helps with rythm/flow), read the dictionary and find a cool 3 syllable word then find things to rhyme with it, If you feel like theres no good lines coming to your head then just try and write rhymes,

Here are some things that help me when I have writers block: I'll eat really healthy and drink lots of water(helps me get focused), rip beats off youtube and play them on your headphones while you write, when you write to a beat listen to it all the way through and kind of feel the subject you want to write about, try writing on different things like your phone, computer, journal ect., Also after I run about 1.5-2 miles I feel like I write better rhymes and such, but then again all of that could be just me! I hope this helped dude, dont give up.