Quick 14 and ?

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145584

Okay guys, here is a practice verse, at first I was practicing a different rhyme scheme but toward the end I just said screw it, took me about a hour so decided Id post it! Heres a ? If you guys plan on recording a track do you still post it in CW or do you just wait it out till you record it then post it in AS?? Thanks!




I'm so dangerous with a pen and a paper blank
gripping a razor blade an angel must
have sent me to satans place i cant adjust
to the birth of this hateful rage remaining tough
so crazed and lost Im a shark in dark waters
Feeling so hungry I'm embarking on slaughters
I'm evil and hunting charging on martyrs
Sharpening shards of glass in the kitchen
and using them for stabbing some women
Till god's jaw drops and I grab his attention
make him bow down to me and have him repenting
for the act he committed when he gathered my best friend
and trapped him in heaven but when I captured the reveren
and asked for a blessing he began bashing my head in!

[Mr.DGAF]

You could post it here, but usuallypeople just post the lyrics on the track in A.S.

Next, this is awesome dude. Easily your best piece so far. The rhyme schemes are perfectly set up, the flow is quick to pick up, I mean, this is a really good piece. Obviously the next request is to apply this type of writing to a serious topic and try to make it longer. But that's only for future growth, for what the piece is, this is really nice dude. It's clear you've improved.

[Eedee]

I'm so dangerous with a pen and a paper blank
gripping a razor blade an angel must
have sent me to satans place i cant adjust
to the birth of this hateful rage remaining tough
so crazed and lost Im a shark in dark waters
Feeling so hungry I'm embarking on slaughters
I'm evil and hunting charging on martyrs
Sharpening shards of glass in the kitchen
and using them for stabbing some women
Till god's jaw drops and I grab his attention
make him bow down to me and have him repenting
for the act he committed when he gathered my best friend
and trapped him in heaven but when I captured the reveren
and asked for a blessing he began bashing my head in!

Lol damn, I was gonna just color my favorite rhymes, but then I kept on noticing the same rhyme scheme so I kept on highlighting... haha.

This is great. You have skill, so keep working and keep dropping!!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

You could post it here, but usuallypeople just post the lyrics on the track in A.S.

Next, this is awesome dude. Easily your best piece so far. The rhyme schemes are perfectly set up, the flow is quick to pick up, I mean, this is a really good piece. Obviously the next request is to apply this type of writing to a serious topic and try to make it longer. But that's only for future growth, for what the piece is, this is really nice dude. It's clear you've improved.

Thanks a lot for the feed guys! @ Mr.DGAF thanks man I have a couple horror core pieces that are in my notebook I just have to edit them up, I also have one pretty serious story telling track that I will most likely post on here unless I write another verse to it and then I'll end up recording it cause I like it a lot hehe. Any way I really was trying to get the rhyme schemes down so thanks!

and @ Eedee, Thanks a lot dude I'll definitely keep working and trying to improve, I actually think I've gotte to a point where I'm kind of consistent with what I write.

P.S. feels really good to get feed from the Catastrophic Duo hehe

[Eedee]

You should tune up that story-telling track, add that other verse and post it here. I love story-telling tracks! STORY TIME!!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Haha will do dude, It'll probably be another 3-4 days because I was being an amateur and didnt plan on writing another verse to it but decided it'd be better if i did so I have to think of something creative for the next verse lol.

[Mr.DGAF]

Also, I'd start posting pieces with beats. That's one of the cooler parts of writing; just picking a beat that speaks to you.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Will do, I always write to a beat now I just dont post them. But my next one I'll put it up!