Redzek - Still Searchin

by **Le Tunisien** » May 30th, '12, 03:35

a verse i wrote , let me know what y'all think..ill prolly finish more verses and record a song

im damn blind,searchin what i cant find
i stand by,i dont even understand why
do i first hold my tears and then cry
maybe cuz it hurts too much that i pretend to smile
or cuz im crazy and cursed at the same time
its lame i, cant blame my, insane crimes
i came by ,the path to the greatness
you hate this,i laugh at the hatred
my life i rap it,now im feelin like a rapist
i make hits,nah not about a fake bitch
but about a motherfuckin issue then you rate it
i feel special i know shit before it happens
i know the dead sea before it fuckin had been
killed and its blood spilled like ben laden
i know rome before the first road was built
im more than ill im a goat,so skilled

feedback link: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=144533&p=1912777#p1912777

by **Le Tunisien** » May 30th, '12, 07:12

ok ill fix it

by **JamaicanPattlez** » May 31st, '12, 00:04

Le Tunisien wrote:a verse i wrote , let me know what y'all think..ill prolly finish more verses and record a song

im damn blind,searchin what i cant find
i stand by,i dont even understand why
do i first hold my tears and then cry
maybe cuz it hurts too much that i pretend to smile
or cuz im crazy and cursed at the same time
its lame i, cant blame my, insane crimes
i came by ,the path to the greatness
you hate this,i laugh at the hatred
my life i rap it,now im feelin like a rapist
i make hits,nah not about a fake bitch
but about a motherfuckin issue then you rate it
i feel special i know shit before it happens
i know the dead sea before it fuckin had been
killed and its blood spilled like ben laden
i know rome before the first road was built
im more than ill im a goat,so skilled

feedback link: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=144533&p=1912777#p1912777

The content as good, but I couldn't flow at all to it homie. Maybe add some more syllables to your bars, and get better word choice for some? Idunno, lol. Have you been writing for a while, or are you a beginner?

by **Le Tunisien** » May 31st, '12, 02:22

uhm no for a while and i can perfectly flow this O.o look at the multis everywhere how could i be a biginner :/

by **SajN** » May 31st, '12, 02:29

Le Tunisien wrote:uhm no for a while and i can perfectly flow this O.o look at the multis everywhere how could i be a biginner :/

There's more to writing than just multies, buddy...

by **Mr.DGAF** » May 31st, '12, 02:47

I got the flow, I thought it was a bit tough to get at the beginning but I picked it up after maybe the fourth bar. It's good for a quick write. The only thing is for a written, the structure is kind of weird. Like, it would work perfectly on a beat recorded, but as a written the bars look a little short. The multies make it flow really nicely in the middle, the transition was smooth too. Pretty good stuff.

by **Eedee** » May 31st, '12, 03:15

^ DGAF is right. This would work on a beat more than likely. The bars, just reading it, without a beat, seem a bit awkward, but other than that, the rhyming was good, nothing too fancy, but still good. I know you record music, so I'm sure you'll get the flow down in the booth no problem.

by **ShadysDisciple** » Jun 1st, '12, 04:34

Not gonna front that was pretty damn good. It was pretty easy to flow too and I especially liked the line that went
im crazy and cursed at the same time
its lame i, cant blame my, insane crimes
i came by

I liked the way it flowed. Nice job homie.

by **ashley94** » Jun 1st, '12, 14:17

Yeah really nice i like it.

by **Le Tunisien** » Jun 2nd, '12, 08:07

Mr.DGAF wrote:I got the flow, I thought it was a bit tough to get at the beginning but I picked it up after maybe the fourth bar. It's good for a quick write. The only thing is for a written, the structure is kind of weird. Like, it would work perfectly on a beat recorded, but as a written the bars look a little short. The multies make it flow really nicely in the middle, the transition was smooth too. Pretty good stuff.

yeah i got you cuz this is actually a verse im supposed to record i just wanted to see what people think of it as content and flow wise ya knoww :y:

Menzo wrote:I got a flow too, maybe because I've listened to a few of Tuni's tracks from back in 2009.

It's not bad man, but it's not really that uhh...groundbreaking, I guess. You got rhymes down and obviously know how to get a message across. I'd just like to see more creativity.

i understand ...i have to write something more impressive and creative :y:

ShadysDisciple wrote:Not gonna front that was pretty damn good. It was pretty easy to flow too and I especially liked the line that went
im crazy and cursed at the same time
its lame i, cant blame my, insane crimes
i came by

I liked the way it flowed. Nice job homie.

hahaa thanks maan, not gonna front but i liked it too