First CW Post.

[ShadysDisciple]

Okay guys, this is my first CW post, and pretty much one of the first rhymes I've ever put real effort. I mean sure I've been rapping and doing little bullshit freestyles with the homies but this is like the first or second rhyme i've ever put effort into or seriously sat down and wrote. And I didn't write to a beat either so sorry if it's a bit off beat or flows weirdly or what have you. Don't be too harsh on me Here it is:
I'll never sit
Like I got
Attention Defecit
I'll rip up your bars
Just for the heck of it
I'm killing the rap game
And taking whats left of it
Rip hip hop
Were here with the death of it
So while it's on it's death bed imma just mess with it.
Spittin like a miracle
Yes I am blessed with it.
You got whack rhymes
And I just need less of it
Imma kill your rhyme scheme
While you be carressing it.
Got the illest skills outta any motherfucker
Now shut the fuck up and pass the henny mothafucka
I was that one little weird kid
Who got called a fag
It led me to do drugs and to load up a mag
So fuck with me now
Cuz imma mothafucking psychopath
You better not run at me with a knife or gat
cause i'll slice yo ass
Im sick and tired of rappers talkin bout swag
So i ran up in rick ross's house and clapped off a mag
Man ill tell you right now
im sick of this shit
Ill chop you to piesces like some hickory sticks
Im already pissed off so mess with me bitch
Ill chop your fuckin head up into pieces and bits
Im not the type of dude to talk shit and complain
I cause sheer terror like im snakes on a plane
To be honest man i could give a fuck about fame
All i really care about is destroyin the game

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Any tips on how to flow better, how to rhyme better etc. would be greatly appreciated. Sorry if this is a shit rhyme, i'm just starting out.

[ShadysDisciple]

Okay sorry if I broke any rules bro. Won't happen again.

[Eedee]

You kept up the "deficit" rhyme scheme for quite a while, that was good. Only thing I can say is try to make your bars more organized. You seem to have too many lines, like one bar will be two lines, the next only one. Keep writing and dropping.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Yeah man not bad at all, Try making more organized and dont start two different lines with the same words, other than that I liked it. good job. keep it up@

[Atone]

it was hard to read but it had some good lines, your flow reminds me of back in the day when i used to hang by the lake with some old friends and we all freestyled,

thing is yopu just gotta situate your bars the right way, make it a little less confusing to read

[ShadysDisciple]

Thanks for the tips guys! And to T-Rex, I've been writing for like a year but I only started getting into it seriously like a month ago, not even.

[ShadysDisciple]

That's great, you're pretty good.

Yeah, I agree with Atone, make sure your bars are better placed...and I, like Geno, suggest that you shouldn't use the same word to rhyme, 99% of the time I rule out a rhyme I think of if it containts a word I've already used (unless it's some filler syllable like "a" or "and")

Thanks homie.
And yeah, im gonna work on my bar structure and all the stuff you guys suggested.
Hopefully my next verse will be some super dope shit.