J.R. wrote:I am slow as fuck tonight.
Geno wrote:I wasn't feeling it much tbh. I agree with JR saying the rhymes are bad. Not the multies, just the word choice throughout the whole piece. Some of them make me scratch my head wondering what it even means because it's seemingly a random filler rhyme. For example:
Then speed it up, the beat? We eat it up with a sick mixing of
One sixth a cup of Mr. Just Don't Give A Fuck
This is what happens when you sprinkle my nut sauce,
On top of your laundry cuz it wrinkles the butt floss.
Not only does Eedee's half sound awkward and not make much sense on it's own, it completely derailed the train of thought Mr. DGAF had with his previous line. He's mentioning a mixture including "1/6 of Mr.DGAF". What else is in it? You could've kept the line similar, but worded it differently to connect the thoughts. It's seemingly a randomly placed bar. What were you thinking?! Despite the back and forth rhymes throughout this piece, it seems like your chemistry is non-existant on this one in terms of your thought process.
DGAF says we're mixed with a sixth of Don't Give A Fuck. I saw he wrote that, literally said, "I don't give a fuck" and wrote random bars (trying to be funny at the same time, meh). I suppose if you read that and said, "Oh, he doesn't give a fuck. He's gonna do his own thing for those next bars. I see." then you'd get my train of thought while writing it.
Also, I don't understand why you reuse your rhymes.
As I stick it in, call me out? I'll bring the storm like ice and rain!
Me and Eedee like the pain combined with anger, add destruction
Please believe me, ice and rain, boy, I aim this, glad to fuck things
On Eedee's lines you say "ice and rain" twice. Even if it's not the main rhyme scheme anymore (I see it's an inner) it annoys me how you said it RIGHT after as if you didn't know what else to say.
Here as well, the whole point was to reiterate what we're gonna "bring the storm" like. Ice and rain. DGAF says we'll add destruction, then I say "Please believe me, ice and rain" with the intentions of trying to drive the point home. Like Em does in A Kiss w/ the "one night stand" thing, it's sort of like this, I want you to KNOW it's gonna be ice and rain...
I personally found the chorus to be awkward because of it's structure and overall sound when you're saying it out loud.
Fair enough.
I think you guys as a group aren't as well suited for this type of track as some other writers in CW. You pull off emotional concepts better in my opinion. I know some people were saying in your last drop to try something like this but I don't think you executed well. It seemed kinda rushed. I mean, it's not hard to have multies, but to have them make 100% sense and fit the concept while being dope isn't easy. By now you probably think I'm hating but I tried to give as much detail as possible in order to help you develop.
I speak on behalf of DGAF when I say that writing this over the course of the last few days has been a great experience because not only did we write this together, the chemistry we shared while doing literally made us stop and say "Damn. Look what we're doing here, man." So both of us think we have the chemistry. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts that this is getting negative feedback, but we will take everything into consideration for our next piece. With a great writer like you coming in with negative feedback, really caught us off guard. But thank you for taking the time to feed this - we appreciate it. I guess the piece is different on the other side of the fence when you weren't actually in our heads when we were writing it.... But nonetheless, thank you very much for the feed. (JR too).
mdemaz wrote:dam
Mr.DGAF wrote:^^Got it, we'll improve. Thanks for the feed.
mdemaz wrote:dam
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