Horror Core Verse

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=145812

Another attempt at a horror core verse I actually feel like I write better when the darker side of me is in it. Idk hope yall enjoy.
Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqYgSm8C1cU
Verse-

You've been murked so do enter hell
The land of putrid burns where the man who rules the earth dwells
I'm too disturbed using verbs to spew a curse swell
I've grew and learned to refuse to smerk and lose concern
I'm spitting like lucifer I'm going so demonic
When I flow ya hoe goes please decrease the volume
her ears appease this nonsense till shes screaming stop it
drop kick a kids ribs I wont cease to pop him
make him puke on my dick and eat the vomit
Life made me an evil monster and you a feeble victim
makin deep incisions in ya ribs deafeating breathing systems
I'm releasing minions leaving women bleeding with a
needle leading six inches in skin needing stitches
I hear ladies screaming but theyre just greiving victims
I flee to a dungeon pondering the sickness I just did
go to sleep with slit wrist, lit spliffs, a stiff dick
gee the evils ending I aint pleased to be finished
So I eat three women and begin repentin

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks Alot Menzo, Yeah it is pretty stereotypical I noticed that when I was writing it but I recently fell into sort of a writers block and I wanted to get this one out there. Thanks for the feed homie glad you enjoyed!

[Mr.DGAF]

Yo....you wanted this to catch my attention, didn't you? lol.
You're gonna get legend status in the Creative Writing section, I know it, with the improvement you've made, so quickly, it's crazy. Like Menzo said, the way you play with two rhyme schemes at once is insane (I love how you took my advice there ). I can tell that you were in a block when you wrote this, maybe because you've already told me? I dunno. It reminds me a bit of that one verse I wrote when I was in a block.
As far as the subject matter, yeah, it's basically just scratching the surface of horrorcore. If you wanna continue doing this, my best advice is to write with more imagery, to make people see what you're saying. Paint a picture; I think that is the most important part of horrorcore. You succeeded in parts like:

"drop kick a kids ribs I wont cease to pop him
make him puke on my dick and eat the vomit"

"I'm releasing minions leaving women bleeding with a
needle leading six inches in skin needing stitches
I hear ladies screaming but theyre just greiving victims
I flee to a dungeon pondering the sickness I just did
go to sleep with slit wrist, lit spliffs, a stiff dick"

So good job there.

Your verse is more demonic and satanistic than my verses normally are, probably because I'm not Christian so I don't believe in Satan. In any case, this was a very King Gordy-esque verse.


You get two thumbs up from the TR horrorcore king.

When you gonna post in the CW again man? I haven't seen you drop in a minute.

Also, I'll get to feeding this here soon.

[Mr.DGAF]

Upcoming tracks:

collab with Shady
collab with Geno (probably more than one, we've been talking about more)
collab with Ego

I'm gonna have to drop outta that other song we were talking about...I can't think of anything except the last 2 bars I wanna use...
And a verse is hopefully coming soon for that Passin' Me By shit, I don't want that to go to waste, RainMan44 is hopefully gonna come with a verse for that.

I don't think I've had a full solo song on this yet...that's fucked lol.

Damn haha, that's a pretty packed schedule. I almost forgot about Passin' Me By, I'll be looking for that man. RainMan's dope so if he could drop a verse on that, we'd be straight.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Yo....you wanted this to catch my attention, didn't you? lol.
You're gonna get legend status in the Creative Writing section, I know it, with the improvement you've made, so quickly, it's crazy. Like Menzo said, the way you play with two rhyme schemes at once is insane (I love how you took my advice there ). I can tell that you were in a block when you wrote this, maybe because you've already told me? I dunno. It reminds me a bit of that one verse I wrote when I was in a block.
As far as the subject matter, yeah, it's basically just scratching the surface of horrorcore. If you wanna continue doing this, my best advice is to write with more imagery, to make people see what you're saying. Paint a picture; I think that is the most important part of horrorcore. You succeeded in parts like:

"drop kick a kids ribs I wont cease to pop him
make him puke on my dick and eat the vomit"

"I'm releasing minions leaving women bleeding with a
needle leading six inches in skin needing stitches
I hear ladies screaming but theyre just greiving victims
I flee to a dungeon pondering the sickness I just did
go to sleep with slit wrist, lit spliffs, a stiff dick"

So good job there.

Your verse is more demonic and satanistic than my verses normally are, probably because I'm not Christian so I don't believe in Satan. In any case, this was a very King Gordy-esque verse.


You get two thumbs up from the TR horrorcore king.

Thanks a lot man! I'll work on my imagery more I didnt really think about that too much. I have one more horror core that I already wrote so I'll try and edit it with more imagery. Im really liking the horror core style so I hope I can improve on that!
and I'm looking forward to your verse man! conversation is all good just bumps my piece hehehe =)

Any way thanks for the feed guys!

[Mr.DGAF]

Basically what Menzo and T-Rex said. This verse is great with the rhyming. The topic is played, yes, but it's important to focus on improving in one aspect first. And with the rhyming, you have definitely improved. The length of rhymes, their placement, how they craft the flow, it's all improving, and that's a great sign.

[mdemaz]

Probably one of the most lyrical pieces you've done to date.

I love the multiple internal ryhmes and metaphors.
Great work.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks for the feed guys! @ Trex, I will definitely check those out when I can. I have been looking for some horror core songs lol.

[Eedee]

This is a great drop! Everyone else already pointed out the great multies scattered in so few bars (as in, heavily concentrated amount, which is great!). So I have nothing else to say other than this is really good. You're gettin' better which is great to see!

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks a lot dude! glad you liked it!