Date Written
Date Dropped
Age when written
EG
Date Written: Nov '09
Date Dropped: Jan '10
Age When Written: 20
SliK - Violently Ill wrote:I'm Violently Ill so I'll Silently kill
your microphone skill without telling you what for/
get me a doctor, barracade the locked door/
i need to be stopped or you're gonna get stomped on/
flow cold when I rap, it's a fact, I freeze venues/
lyrics so phat, that they fap, to pizza menues/
ThundaKat, just sit back, royalthugz will end you/
but relax, you aint wack, hope I don't offend you/
on some real shit though, your words are tight/
never know which flow you bring to the mic/
either a wick slow burning to a stick of dynamite/
or a skitso screamin "i ain't tryin'a bite!"/
This shit I write like woolworths express/
from pen to pad in 7 minutes or less/
so don't expect my best, let me stress my next point/
when i roll this next joint/ i'm gonna make a mess/
like at a party, drinking less than you'd expect/
but smoking lots of cess, searchin for some sex/
see a pretty bitch who only looks half dressed/
walk up to her, just to woo her, compliment her new hair/
like "you there, cute as pooh bear, come party with me new years"/
take her back to my place, burst in the door,
shirts on the floor, more heat than the first world war/
back when napalm was used, stay calm, not confused/
there's no harm in abuse, but she's hardly amused/
talkin of which; i've been stalkin a bitch/
firing voodoo curses like a witch doctors uzi/
exiling you to hearses like a hitchcock movie/
defiling all your verses like misquoting scripture/
a thousand words of mine are better than a picture
Although I feel there are some good lines and some good rhymes the structure and flow were pretty off. At this stage I didn't know much about flow and certainly didn't have a clue about transitional rhymes. Some lines are cool but stick out (in a bad way) because they're out of place. I didn't know that a standard verse was 16 bars so I just went in lol. I think the biggest improvement I have made is transitional rhymes, my pieces flow a lot smoother because I try to help the flow using the rhyme scheme and count my syllables carefully.
Note: I am not looking for feedback for my piece. Feed if you want but this post is not an excuse for me to get feed for an old piece. If you only want to post without offering a coment on someone else or their work - that's fine
I had a quick search but didn't see a post like this, if it has been done before then I'm sorry. I thought it would be cool, so share the link?
And if nobody else is interested let it fall through the floor 
