Last Night's Leftovers

[EvryOnesACrtc]

This was just a verse I was working on for a collab that got canned. Idk what to do with it so here you go. Eat up!
(Edited so Mr. DGAF would shut up about the word "exactly" lol jp)

I'm crazy enough to gay bash the cast of Grey's Anatomy
and ask Casey Anthony advice on how to raise a family
I'm losing weight from always chasing sanity
and my brain capacity shrank in mass when
I drank a glass of a tank of gasoline--I can't explain my actions...
I'm a maniac with a zany accent
you're a pain in the ass who should refrain from braggin'
or else you'll suffer pain and agony and be slain by a trained assassin
I'm a traveling circus's main attraction
I think up thoughts that you can't imagine
I'm so out of my mind I might as well aim a magnum
at my cranium and blow my brain to fragments
If you're the king then I'm a flaming dragon--overseas they've named me Kraken
If you don't agree you'll be chained and dragged from
a hay wagon until my ideas begin to gain some traction!!


LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=148126

[Mr.DGAF]

You gotta start writing to beats man. I could not get the flow on this one, but the rhyming was quite nice. My only suggestion is to write to a beat next time man. You'd be straight then.

[EvryOnesACrtc]

You gotta start writing to beats man. I could not get the flow on this one, but the rhyming was quite nice. My only suggestion is to write to a beat next time man. You'd be straight then.

Oh, right, forgot. Here, this is what I wrote to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0tdh8MvTAA

[Mr.DGAF]

Aight man, I think I got the flow now. I still find the second line a bit iffy with the "exactly" part, but other than that I got it to work pretty well.

[Sam.]

I don't know what DGAF means by not-getting-the-flow. Even without the beat, I could flow easily, the multis being the main catalyst for it. The inner rhymes that you used are insane, man. Some might find some of it forced, but that's okay. The content gave vibes of things that Eminem would say, like take the gasoline line for example. I think that you weren't aiming for anything constructive as far the content is concerned, just pure rhymes outta the ass(Excuse the language). Good job. Still seems a little raw as far the structure of the whole verse is concerned. You need more practice in writing to a beat, like fitting apt amount of words in each bar so that the rhyme hit the snare and shit. You'll learn. If you have any problem in writing to the beat, then contact Geno, Menzo or Slim Fiasco. They'll help you in that department.

Edit: Just saw Mr. Dgaf's post, lol.

[Mr.DGAF]

Yo Sam's back! Wassup. But yeah, my only flow problem is the second line, for the way I flowed it, at least, has too many syllables. If you took out the word exactly I think the flow would be awesome.

[Sam.]

You're correct on the syllables part, even I mentioned it.

[EvryOnesACrtc]

A lot of good advice! Thanks. I went ahead and edited out "exactly" cuz you're right. I agree with you, it seems unnecessary and messes up the flow a bit. And yeah, Sam, I'm new to writing with a beat. Gotta say, I'm not a fan. I like writing and then making a beat around it, but I'm too lazy to figure out how to work my FLStudio program that I just got haha

Anyway, great advice. I'm gonna utilize all of it.

[ShadysDisciple]

I'm crazy enough to gay bash the cast of Grey's Anatomy
and ask Casey Anthony advice on how to raise a family

^ Awesome way to open up a track, nice job!

[EvryOnesACrtc]

Yeah, this was for me lmao. Sorry about that. You already know what I think...I think.

It's cool, dude. School first and no, actually, I don't know what you thought of it lol care to elaborate?

[Enimee]

ok this shit went hard,,,little eminem flow right there, pulled that shit off clean

[UzaKING]

Nice writing man, those first 3 lines hooked me, crazy rhyming, ima have to check out more of your stuff

[EvryOnesACrtc]

Thanks for the feedback, everybody. I really didn't expect to get all this positive feedback on this throwaway verse. It was a nice surprise.