Here you go

[Fleka]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=147685

I just wrote this, didn`t have any beat in my head, didn`t try to make it flow. I was just really bored.




Run my name through your fingers, That`s the key of my kingdome
When you say who you are, We`ll make sure that you`re welcome
If you have only your name shown, And you wanna get full blown
Create the identity, Before you get well known,
Kinda like superheroes, We hide behind masks
If we choose our streets wisely, We can upgrade our ranks
There are walls that surround us and the guards all around us
Don`t hang any art on the wall `Cause you`ll be kicked out of the damn bus
Even though we adore the same King that holds the throne
People plot just to see him thrown into the dephts of the unknown
They would choose the lesser king just to somehow mess up things
They don`t lose anything `couse nothing is what they bring
In this world behind windows made of liquid crystals and pixels
But if the King gets forgotten the kingdome gets rotten
This place will collapse and we can`t let that happen

[Fleka]

A bird with feathers of silence buried deep in my conscience
Unheard but it bothers my essence with violence
I`m losing my patience, is this some kind of vengenace?
My mind is in absence of any logical guidance
The noise of it`s wings is driving me crazy
Even though I hear nothing it`s making me angry

[SliK]

Yeezy da GOAT!

[Eedee]

I gotta say, most of this didn't even rhyme... I don't know where you going with this, to be honest. Sounds like an acid trip in words haha.

[Guess_Who]

A bird with feathers of silence buried deep in my conscience
Unheard but it bothers my essence with violence
I`m losing my patience, is this some kind of vengenace?
My mind is in absence of any logical guidance
The noise of it`s wings is driving me crazy
Even though I hear nothing it`s making me angry

Good one, I don't know why I was reading with this on mind....



The Raven style...

[Atone]

I gotta say, most of this didn't even rhyme... I don't know where you going with this, to be honest. Sounds like an acid trip in words haha.

this,

it was decent for basic rhyming but you didn't put alot in this, it was like reading from a poetry book, exept poetry books sometimes make sense, idk, i havn't slept since Thursday so maybe my mind isn't working the way it should.

[Fleka]

Well, not much work was out in this. Those were my thoughts but in a twisted way. English is not my language so maybe I think something rhymes that really isn`t. And lots of rhymes weren`t even what I was giong for. And i don`t have any experience.

[Fleka]

From the moment you`re born, you`re just set by default
It`s not even you`re fault, you just become what you`re told
You get your colour, your flag, your permanent marker and tag
Your mind just got erased like a bad server with lag
They decide what you love and what you must hate
It all came from above, they say, and you swallow the bait
But the funny thing here, we never learn this lesson
Maybe the reason is fear, but nobody is asking the question
If I was born somwhere else, would I hate this with passion

[Unlyricallyrics]

You should prolly pronounce the words in your head to check if they rhyme before you write them cos they might look they same yet pronounced differently, ya know.
I think most of it rhymed tho so i dont see what's the problem.

"But the funny thing here, we never learn this lesson
Maybe the reason is fear, but nobody is asking the question
If I was born somwhere else, would I hate this with passion"

Nothing really rhymes unless you force them to rhyme when you say it. And then it would sound forced.

[Fleka]

Thanks. I just write it as it comes to me. English is not my language, so maybe something sounds like it rhymes to me, but it really doesn`t. And I don`t care so much, I write what I like.

[Unlyricallyrics]

English is not my language neither so i know what you're struggling with :P

[Doodlebug]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=147685

I just wrote this, didn`t have any beat in my head, didn`t try to make it flow. I was just really bored.

Run my name through your fingers,

There are walls that surround us and the guards all around us

I like these lines - especially the first one. Nice play on words.

Deb...

[Fleka]

I wrote my words in disguise that you see with your eyes
That you hear with your mind `cause I`m mute but you`re blind
But that`s cute, never mind, we are all intertwined in this world
That I find wery poorly designed
And just maybe today you will see what I say
You will hear what I write, If you don`t-that`s alright
Just proceed in the night where there`s nothing to fright
Where there`s nothing to fear `cause we`re not really here

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Like everyone else said work on the rhyming, it seems more like poetry than rap right now, maybe if you chose a new subject it would sound more rap like, poetry is all good tho man, just try and have more straight forward rhymes , especially if you have a two syllable word at the end of the line try and make the next line rhyme with both syllables, like welcome and kingdome for example, lil wayne does that sometimes and it drives me insane! any ways, not too bad just work on the rhyming dude keep at it.!

[Fleka]

Thanks for the feedback.