16

[alcatraz]

LOF: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=147408

It’s the doctor, in games I’m instrumental
Dropping my words, on lames, insane but simple
For your brain, and mental state, I’m healing
And with this pencil I just make my feelings
Relate appealing, with no terms or conditions
I spit at shows so you can learn the wisdom
Grow and burn the division, in the bonfires
So you know I’m concerned, living on a liar
I’m giving up on attire to make me happy
Basically I need to recreate me that’s the
Solution, I got old problems past pollution
Gas, or using people with my mask, producing
An image of the type of person I am
So for love I write working on my plan
Inserting where I can, to share the land
No matter who stares, I’m aware I’m damned

[Spyder]

feed someone piece, and post the link proving you did so in this thread
or i will have to lock this, its the rules man

[Atone]

nice first post lol

it was good, i love the rhymes , some seemed forced tho

[alcatraz]

lock it up then homie...preciate it ATU

[Spyder]

u can always just feed someone else... rather than get your stuff locked

[Spyder]

will add lof later

[Blu]

It's all right, nothing special. Nice rhymes here and there, but you oughta work on other aspects of writing - wordplay, punches, entendres - if you really wanna make an impact.

[alcatraz]

appreciate it

[Atone]

LOF: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=147408

It’s the doctor, in games I’m instrumental
Dropping my words, on lames, insane but simple
For your brain, and mental state, I’m healing
And with this pencil I just make my feelings
Relate appealing, with no terms or conditions
I spit at shows so you can learn the wisdom
Grow and burn the division, in the bonfires
So you know I’m concerned, living on a liar
I’m giving up on attire to make me happy
Basically I need to recreate me that’s the
Solution, I got old problems past pollution
Gas, or using people with my mask, producing
An image of the type of person I am
So for love I write working on my plan
Inserting where I can, to share the land
No matter who stares, I’m aware I’m damned

this was good, some parts could have been better to make it flow better

It’s the doctor, in games I’m instrumental
Dropping my words, on lames, insane but simple
For your brain, and mental state, I’m healing

could have gone like this

It’s the doctor, in games I’m instrumental
Dropping my words, on lames, insane but simple
For your brain and mental - state, I’m healing

pause after mental, and then go with the rest of it

living on a liar

not sure what you meant there, kinda confused me a bit

I’m giving up on attire to make me happy
Basically I need to recreate me that’s the
Solution, I got old problems past pollution
Gas, or using people with my mask, producing

this was good

could have went

I’m giving up on attire to make me happy
Basically I need to recreate me that’s the - (pause a second)
Solution - I got old problems past the -
pollution - Gas, or usin -
people with my mask and producing

the rest was pretty nice, like i said this was good, you just gotta find the right flow for it

[Eedee]

This is interesting for a first post haha.

You had some good multis in there, for sure. I liked the content as well.

"terms or conditions / learn the wisdom" could've been worded better to help the flow/multi line up properly but it's no big deal, if we're being honest. I still liked the piece.

And I'd recommend writing to a beat. It helps.

[Words]

Really good first piece.Pretty strong rhyming. I couldn't really grasp the flow to well, but that may have just been the way I was reading it. (Also, wiriting to a beat would've helped the flow come across more clearly.) Good first post though, looking to see more from you in the future.)

[EvryOnesACrtc]

I thought this was dope. Came off to me as a freestyle-type deal. What I mean by that is that it reads as if you were just typing whatever came to your mind, but is it evident that you definitely put time into it. I liked your use of internals throughout. I really do hope you take the advice people give you, though, about working your multies in better, BUT It doesn't seem like you are a beginner, so I won't bore you with the repetitive. Keep dropping cuz this forum needs it, especially with someone of your skill.

You truly do not give a fuck.