Time to Rue

[J.R.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTrM9DOk ... _embedded#! ~ Beat
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=149017&p=1997234#p1997234 ~ LOF

[Intro]
"You're a piece of shit, I can't believe we ever dated,
Seven months? Never shoulda happened. All fake."
"Man fuck you, your a fucking asshole. Don't talk to me."
"You should really just fuck off and die,
No one fucking cares, fuckin piece of shit."


[Verse 1]
I drift in and out of sleep and being alert,
I sit still and text this skirt, being a flirt,
Dirty shit all over my mind, horny all the time,
Is it worth it? I don't know but It ain't a crime,
so why the fuck should I stop? I always do it on a dime,
Be mine? Uhh, I'll let you know hoe, but I gotta go,
So, I'll hit you up with that answer though for sho'
but never again will we talk, and its not her fuckin fault,
Maybe one day when I look at the diseases that I got,
I'll hate myself for all the skeezes that I sought.
Now stop, Skeezes, skanks, and hoes, you wasn't one of those,
I dropped you for one, left me feelin alone and cold,
so I came back and we were that same happy couple, you and me
true, I did see you weren't that estatic, so I gave you space,
he came into the picture, and it was him you chased,
like holy shit he was with you, and I was sad in the face,
I totally get I did it to ya, but now I'm last in the race?

[Chorus]
I get it now, I get it now.
Feel so down, feel so down,
Don't know what to do,
Lost and confused,
Time to Rue the day I left you..

[Verse 2]
So I leave that place and pull up to my homie Sam,
He tells me he's getting my buddy chase, formin a band,
I get in with him, he tells me it'll be like linkin park,
I shit my pants because I wanted to rap/rock since the start,
Anyway, I leave him and go to my buddy Ted and Tiny as their called,
Days have passed since us three hung out but I figure we could ball,
"Naw, get the fuck out," he shuts the door with authority,
rain drips and it starts fuckin poorin all over me,
new shirt? stains it and I go "This shit is fuckin bogus B"
I hear one of this dicks yell, "Quit with your ovaries,"
I scream back "maybe you should just say that to my face"
he leaves his house, comes out, yells, "Bitch, what'd you say?"
"I said, say it to my face, you punk ass little shit"
He swings and almost hits but he misses and gets his car,
apparently his neighbor heard a ding, cause I heard a siren start,
and thats the last time I had friends besides Sam and Chase,
All because I cried about this guy not sayin shit to my face.


[Chorus]
I get it now, I get it now.
Feel so down, feel so down,
Don't know what to do,
Lost and confused,
Time to Rue the day I left you..

[Eedee]

Interesting song. The content was nice and you told the story well but I felt the rhyming could've been much better. You rhymed one syllable throughout the whole thing save for a few spots. It really took me out of it, to be honest.

Songs flow better with multis along with content and whatnot. You need to work on writing longer rhyme schemes that intertwine with emotion and what you're saying.

Other than that, interesting song with emotion.

[J.R.]

Sometimes I feel like I have a tendencies to do one syllable rhymes all over my bars (example: Your mom is a fucking cow, and I plowed her shit,
Now cmon what do you say, you down with this?)

More than I do a bunch of 2-3, 4-5 syllable rhymes ya know? It's something I know I need to work on its just hard for me, because it comes naturally.

But I appreciate the feed once more.

[Eedee]

Plowed her shit / down with this

^ 3 syllable multi lol.

[J.R.]

fail.

fair enough. I'll try and work on them some more.

[Atone]

I like this alot because it describes me so many times,

i've passed up alot of girls to be with a different girl and realized my mistake afterwords, only to find out the girl i coulda had found somebody else

your rhyming was great with this, good multies and great story, it was fun to read