Mr.Keystyle

[Just Silver]

Feed - Mr.DGAF Letter Home *cant copy n paste

They say its a hard to follow train of thought
Ive trained my thoughts thinkin out the hollow box
Thinking out spirit and mind i can feel it inside
I wanna appear to the blind if the ears have extra vibe
Im near the rest and im next to die i specialize
In impressive lines but never passed my prime
What im getting across is im burning bridges
Before i jump i just want u to learn my opinion
And i wanna earn my limits before im finished
Your betting i lost and often it existed
But im the underdog with the the molotov spit
And every carcass gets pitched like glove stitched
Ive been living off the government as if none of it sticks
So im stuck in this bottomless pit opportunity scarce
I support that i should feel fortunate here
But its harder than it seems contradicted my schemes
Everyone just acts they dont know what it all means
As long as you see me in the next verse written
I'll be writing enough bars life by third sentence
So id just like to prefer to mention im not sober now
Fuck it over and out the kush-in like a sofa or couch

[Francesco]

Solid shit homie... You've been consistent for too long.

[Just Silver]

thanks guy i shouldve made this one longer tbh

[MaybeImJesus]

Honestly, it isn't very well structured. A lot of the lines are inconsistent, and the some of it feels entirely forced. What you need is a better flow for the structure, more breathing room, if you will. Example:

They say its hard to follow a train of thought
but I've trained my thoughts to think outside your painted box
Thinking out spirit and mind, i can feel it inside
I wanna appear to the blind if the ears can keep with the vibe

Don't focus so much on a balanced structure, because ultimately that will result in a weaker flow for the piece. You need to improve formation, word placement, etc. If you ever need some help or pointers, feel free to ask.

Other than the points mentioned, it's not bad. It lacks focus, but that's not always a terrible thing, heck, Eminem made a career on his unfocused rhymes.

[Just Silver]

bump

[Just Silver]

last bump

[TheGentlePlayer]

Wow!

[Just Silver]

thanks i think lol