Entangled Feelings

[Flamez]

I felt like writing something It's more like a poem, but yea not my usual stuff, but tried something a little different.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=164016&p=2328498

my dreams have been paralyzed, my ideas intertwined
something has been lost inside, unclear path inside my mind
with so many tears I’ve cried, struggling to find this pride
Its feeling like suicide, lord please tell me why I hide
causing fright all through the night, agonized and mesmerized
in my bed hospitalized, I’m incised and traumatized
teary-eyed demoralized, my own life is crucified
I’ve committed homicide, I tried to take my own life
grabbed the knife didn’t think twice, hands went cold don’t wanna die
my family needs me alive, as well as friends to survive
how do I resuscitate, pull myself up and revive
grab the pen and start to write, dye my paper with feelings
clear my mind and see the light…

Feedback appreciated.

[enjinn]

i like verses like this...a lot of emotion...flow was also good

[Flamez]

Thanks enjinn.

[Eedee]

I really like poetic pieces.

You had some nice rhyming, flow was solid as well, from what I can tell. I liked your thoughts the most though, felt crisp and just... human.

Check out my new piece if you like. viewtopic.php?f=24&t=164193

[Flamez]

Thanks man glad you liked it. Yup, already checked it out.