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Letting it loose on you friends..

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Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby Halftongue Dre » Sep 9th, '13, 20:10

Feedback: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=163622

Parody therapy, Eminem do you remember me?
Executed as no remorse for your enemy.
With the high powered bombs you've sent in mentally.
To send me steadily over the edge,
like the memories that you've left,
when they were let in.
Like the entity.
The friend.
Allegedly amity only sensed,
through lyrics in our recipes.
Shared in relation to the chemistry going against,
all odds for some charity.
Never bending in and up after a fall.
Carefully retaining a tendency not to fret, Nah,
cause the boundaries been set.
Qualifying us as every one's enemy never ending in death.
Pause.
No sympathy when it was left in jeopardy.
No rehearsal to live in controversy when they said,
plenty of things complimentary to our rep.
Energy spent ready to embrace a heavy dose of respect.
Resembling a frenzy,
assembled down in the depths.
Where it got messy.
The mess we came up out of dispelling the trench.
Direct entry into the vent,
pen with a stench sketchy.
So let me sketch it,
a picture painted as weird graffiti feared to be read.
Confetti popping off so celebrate it instead.
Because when it comes out shooting you better be ready to get,
stupid and used up in another crazy thought when my cranium eludes to doing things,
I once refused to do now that its been fed.
Up in my head rooted, Nope!
Won't do it,
instead I chose to just lose it.
Letting it loose on you friends..
Last edited by Halftongue Dre on Sep 10th, '13, 20:43, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby superman11 » Sep 10th, '13, 17:45

Really hard to read. It's good but hard to figure out how it flows and where to pause. Check out some other posts and try to organize yours better. I think it would make a huge difference.
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Re: Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby Halftongue Dre » Sep 10th, '13, 20:30

Alright man. Thanks for the feedback..
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Re: Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby Flamez » Sep 11th, '13, 18:26

Yeah I agree you just need to structure it better to make it easier to read cuz it was hard trying to figure out how the flow went, but other than that it was good.
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Re: Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby Halftongue Dre » Oct 6th, '13, 10:49

Damn so crazy how things unfold..
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Re: Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby DƎRDYPK » Oct 6th, '13, 13:56

True, also tweaking some of this one too. thanks again :beerchug: will link my feedback here if I decide to post a CW piece.
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Re: Letting it loose on you friends..

Postby Halftongue Dre » Oct 6th, '13, 19:24

dope..
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