Rap

[shadyphantom91]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=172457&p=2728584#p2728584


Just a generic rap against wack rappers

I'm tired of wack rappers getting famous
Suckas with no talent should remain nameless
They damaging the artform, and then they expecting everybody to clap for 'em
But they don't get any claps from me
The day they get one is when fire is able to burn under the sea
All they do is rap about fashion ,which they means they lack passion
To truly create something that's everlasting
I stay asking why they getting all the cheddar
When I know there are others who could write better in they sleep
Is it that these rappers shallow or am I just too deep
They content barely hits the surface cause they rap without purpose
Put their rhymes in the trash cause they worthless
I gotta represent for the real rappers practicing they skills
Who put their heart into the art and can barely pay their bills
While these wack mc's getting what they have struggled to attain
It hurts my soul to see what has happened to the rap game


Feedback. What do you guys think

@Spyder My bad bro I should have read the rules before.

[Spyder]

gotta get a link of feed bro

[Solace]

gotta get a link of feed bro

Why do we even have that stupid ass rule

[EvryOnesACrtc]

gotta get a link of feed bro

Why do we even have that stupid ass rule

I agree. All it does is have people give half-assed feedback so they could go on and post their own piece. Just encourage people to give honest, constructive, feedback; don't force it. If they don't leave feed, no one will comment or even check out their stuff on their own. It'll fix itself and be better ungoverned.

Anyway. This was a cool drop. I like the vision behind it and definitely agree with what you're saying. I'm inspired by it and may write something similar. I think you should have constructed it better, though, cuz it started to come off kind of repetitive after a while. Maybe use some better vocabulary with more impressive schemes. You have potential, and you'll get better with practice.

[shadyphantom91]

gotta get a link of feed bro

Why do we even have that stupid ass rule

I agree. All it does is have people give half-assed feedback so they could go on and post their own piece. Just encourage people to give honest, constructive, feedback; don't force it. If they don't leave feed, no one will comment or even check out their stuff on their own. It'll fix itself and be better ungoverned.

Anyway. This was a cool drop. I like the vision behind it and definitely agree with what you're saying. I'm inspired by it and may write something similar. I think you should have constructed it better, though, cuz it started to come off kind of repetitive after a while. Maybe use some better vocabulary with more impressive schemes. You have potential, and you'll get better with practice.

I agree that I probably should have used some better words as it did come off repetitive at certain points. Like you said I need to practice some more as that is the only way you get better. Thanks man appreciate the feedback!

[shadyblogger]

Nice little piece bro. Your idea and message behind it was great and I could tell you feel passionately about this but it could've been executed better. The lyrics were decent but the structure overall needs work. I'm going to make a horrible analogy but here goes: What Eminem was going for on Recovery with the whole recovery and sobriety/maturity theme was great but it was executed very poorly. The project came out corny and felt rather bland. You may or may not agree with this but that's not the point. My point is that's how I feel about this piece. Great concept and idea but it was executed rather rashly and not sophisticated enough to fully enjoy. Just work on your flow and let some of that raw emotion spill out but try and do it as natural as possible. It's kinda contradictory when worded like that but I suggest writing/rapping to a beat that will assist you in creating a strong, fluid piece. And make sure it's a good beat too.

EDIT: Damn, that's the longest feedback I've ever given on a CW piece.

[Spyder]

gotta get a link of feed bro

Why do we even have that stupid ass rule

this has been discussed a shit ton and people always come to the conclusion we need it

[Solace]

I'd like to see what dumbasses came to that conclusion

[shadyphantom91]

Nice little piece bro. Your idea and message behind it was great and I could tell you feel passionately about this but it could've been executed better. The lyrics were decent but the structure overall needs work. I'm going to make a horrible analogy but here goes: What Eminem was going for on Recovery with the whole recovery and sobriety/maturity theme was great but it was executed very poorly. The project came out corny and felt rather bland. You may or may not agree with this but that's not the point. My point is that's how I feel about this piece. Great concept and idea but it was executed rather rashly and not sophisticated enough to fully enjoy. Just work on your flow and let some of that raw emotion spill out but try and do it as natural as possible. It's kinda contradictory when worded like that but I suggest writing/rapping to a beat that will assist you in creating a strong, fluid piece. And make sure it's a good beat too.

EDIT: Damn, that's the longest feedback I've ever given on a CW piece.

I agree with you that I do need to work on the structure and trying to let more of my emotion go. I will try writing to a beat cause I think that helps a lot.with helping to spill emotion Thanks bro I appreciate the feedback