Passive Mafia

[EvryOnesACrtc]

Ok, here's some real feed:

It was ok. Nothing in there that made me say wow. It just seemed like an attempted braggadocio type of rap that you were spewing out in a stream of consciousness or rhyming just for rhyme's sake. You gotta hit harder though. Work on your punchlines and structure your rhymes better. Give us, as an audience, some sort of payoff for reading a line. It just went from one line to another without ending any kind of thought. One thing you do got down is flow. It flowed like a river--now just do something clever with it. Maybe, rap about a different topic. Something creative.

I'm out.

[Just Silver]

Thanks guy I need to improve I know. ..prick lol

[EvryOnesACrtc]

Thanks guy I need to improve I know. ..prick lol

Lol sorry, man. Not trying to be a prick, just trying to give you some real advice

[Just Silver]

Lol idk why I called u a prick