Untitled #1

[TranSlucEnt]

Still haven't gave this a title. Work in Progress

Verse 1: Take a look through the eyes of the hopeless fiend
Struggling to pick the pieces up from a shattered dream
Cant go to sleep without hearing the hellish screams
But its all a delusion, and its not what it seems
Cuts on the wrists and bruises on the knuckles
Inflicted by the clowns who sit back and chuckle
Swallowing pride for personal gain; thats hustle
While I throw my fists up in defense ready to tussle
And still with a grain of salt I dont trust you
So Ima throw away my intuition and say fuck you
I know better than to get caught in your trap again
Talkin behind my back, pretending to be my best friend
I will not sacrifice my happiness at your expense
Ignoring the repercussions like you just wanted to pretend
Shooting me a look like theres a target on my head
Now Im paranoid sweating that soon Ill be dead
Unsure of the outcome, you gave me mixed signals
Now I dont know what to think and my self esteems brittle
The man in the middle all he wants to do is fiddle
with a degraded character thats already little
I can't wrap my head about the idea
of a fraudulent love that was perceived as real
So I move back in my closet with the rest of my skeletons
Fetal postion I lay, convinced Im in hell again

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[Copper]

I like it! The imagery is really clear, and the rhyme scheme is pretty creative. I always find it hard to make irregular rhymes, so I tend to just use words that have perfect rhymes. It's always cool to me to see someone who can bring rhyme schemes like yours to the table.

My favorite lines:

Talkin behind my back, pretending to be my best friend
I will not sacrifice my happiness at your expense

So I move back in my closet with the rest of my skeletons

Really good work, man!

[shadyblogger]

Nice piece brah. I've been playing the shit out of Atmosphere today so I read this in Slug's voice haha. It was really good. Nothing over the top but yet still really solid and pleasant to read through. I like this kind of subtle tone it has, don't know if that's what you were going for but I like it.